


Surrender

by KorrinBelle



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), BDSM, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Break Up, Closeted Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Facials, Frottage, Love Triangles, M/M, Public Blow Jobs, Public Hand Jobs, Public Humiliation, Public Tail Job, Rough Oral Sex, Ryuuji doesn't know what the fuck he's doing, Safeword Fail, Sexuality Crisis, Spanking, Submissive!Rin, Temporarily Unrequited Love, The Author Regrets Everything, Unhealthy Relationships, Vague Rin/Shiemi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-02-22 20:08:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 48,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2520209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KorrinBelle/pseuds/KorrinBelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Ryuuji comes on to him during an overnight training camp, Rin is not at all prepared for the tumult of feelings it creates inside of him. On the one hand, he's not gay; Of that fact he's almost entirely positive. On the other hand, the way Ryuuji treated him left him so aroused it was almost painful. Rin doesn't know exactly what he wants, he just knows he wants to feel that way again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Inciting Incident

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo... This started as a really weak attempt to write some really filthy smut (I mean, just look at the tags! That's just for what I have written so far, not everything I plan to write), plus BDSM stuff is my kink, and I don't think I've seen anything like it in this fandom, so I had to write it, but for some reason "Rin decided he wasn't gay" and it ended up developing a relationship plot and turning in to a lot of hurt/hurt/comfort.  
> I have nothing to say about Ryuuji's totally unexplained and out of character actions in the first chapter. Please forgive me!

            Rin startled awake as a heavy weight settled over him. He jerked upright and reached for Kurikara before a rough hand settled over his mouth and a quiet "Shhh..." echoed out over the sounds of snoring from the nearby Exwires. As his night vision slowly cleared he realized his blanket had been thrown aside and it was Ryuuji who sat over him, straddling his waist. The other boy still held a finger to his mouth in the universal signal for silence. His hand, coupled with his loose hair hanging over his eyes in the darkness obscured his expression. Rin scrunched his brow in confusion and voiced a muffled sound of question from behind Ryuuji's hand. Ryuuji's only answer was to lean down over Rin and whisper. His voice was silent except for the rush of breath over lips and teeth.

            "We both know you're more than strong enough to stop me if you want to," he said, and Rin flinched at the touch of Ryuuji's lips and breath as they brushed over his ear. His pulse was starting to accelerate. He still had no idea what Ryuuji was up to. That question was quickly answered and his muffled "Mmph?" turned in to a squeak as Ryuuji roughly palmed his crotch through his pajama pants. Rin gaped up at him, his wide eyes darting from Ryuuji's face to their surroundings. It had been another overnight training session in the abandoned boy's dorm and all the other male Exwires were spread out on the floor surrounding them.

            Panic coursed through him at the idea of someone, anyone, waking up to witness what was going on and Rin tensed, bringing his arms up as if he'd been about grab Ryuuji's arm or buck him off, but he froze again as Ryuuji continued to massage him through his pants and his body responded. He felt himself stiffening in Ryuuji's grip and the other boy continued to jerk him off, gripping the solid form of his cock right through the soft material of his pajamas. Rin's heart was pounding in his chest, the sound almost deafening against the occasional snore. He was positive his pulse alone could wake the others as he laid his head back against his pillow, his eyes slit shut as he mewled quietly against Ryuuji's hand.

            Ryuuji's movements were quick and dirty, and Rin's breath began to come in gasping gulps as he neared climax, breathing heavily and noisily through his nose and past Ryuuji's hand. The movement slowed, and Rin groaned loudly, almost in outrage as the other boy suddenly stopped, withdrawing his hand completely, and Rin was rewarded with another shush. Ryuuji's hand came away from Rin's face at that moment as well, and he rolled off the other boy, his presence replaced with the sounds of rustling fabric.

            "Why?" Rin panted quietly, though even he wasn't sure whether he meant "why are you doing this?" or "why did you stop?"

            The sound of rustling fabric stopped and Rin flinched as Ryuuji suddenly moved on top of him again, but this time he was in a completely different position. Ryuuji was kneeling over Rin's face, now only wearing his boxers, having stripped off his own pajamas, and Rin was face to face with his straining erection. He recoiled at first, but froze as rough hands yanked down his own pants in one quick motion, exposing his flesh to the cool air, only for it to be quickly replaced with warm, wet, skin on skin contact. Rin groaned at the sudden shock of pleasure and was rewarded with a light slap on the thigh as reminder to be quiet. Taking a deep breath and swallowing to wet his dry mouth he looked down, past the length of their bodies where he could see Ryuuji's mouth bobbing up and down on his cock. Almost as if he knew he was being watched, Ryuuji suddenly stopped and glanced up their bodies to give Rin a pointed look, as if to say "me too" before going back to work. Rin had to tear his eyes away, the sight almost too much to bear, but he only had one other place to look from this vantage point. Even in the darkness, he could make out the wet stain on the front of the boxers and smell the musky scent of Ryuuji's excitement. It was impossible to ignore. He warred briefly with the still present panic that someone would wake up and see them, but at this rate it really didn't matter if he sucked Ryuuji's dick or not, because anyone who woke up would see Ryuuji kneeling over him and assume it was happening anyways, and then at least they'd both be branded as perverts. Stopping him was the other option, but once Ryuuji had started, it felt _Oh,oh, so good! Don't stop_ , and the thought had barely crossed Rin's mind. Which meant there really was only one option.

            He never, never in a million years, imagined doing something like this with another guy, but pleasure, lust, and the fear of being caught was mixing together inside his veins for the ultimate rush and forcing him to put aside his reservations about the situation. The more he worried about it, the more he couldn't refuse to proceed.

            He reached up, gripping Ryuuji's hip with one hand and tentatively reaching for the elastic band of his boxers with the other. Once his boxers were no longer restraining it, Ryuuji's cock sprang free to hang down, right in Rin's face, a tiny bead of pre-cum threatening to drip on him. He steeled himself, leaned forward and tentatively curled his tongue around the tip, eliciting a ripple of clenched muscle under his other hand. Ryuuji moaned around his shaft, and Rin's head fell back against his pillow as the vibrations ran through him. Ryuuji shifted his weight and lowered his hips so Rin could reach him easier, but the second he hesitantly took Ryuuji in to his mouth, the other boy lowered his hips even further. Without the ability to bob his head, all Rin could do was suck and lick and try to breathe through his nose as Ryuuji thrust shallowly in to his mouth, but he didn't even care. The weight and presence of Ryuuji on top of him, the fear of being caught, the adrenaline rush, the sensation coursing through his body all centered on where he was being touched, all because of Ryuuji... It was intoxicating and quickly driving him to orgasm.           

            As he approached climax, he grunted, slapping Ryuuji's thighs as he tried to get his attention. Unable to remove Ryuuji's dick from his mouth he couldn't do much else, but the other boy did not move or slow his bobbing head. He continued to suck Rin off until he came, hard, unable to do anything other than groan around Ryuuji's cock. Rin could only assume that Ryuuji had swallowed, as the other boy was now just languidly licking his softening dick, but he was too out of it to notice or care, barely even aware of the cock still shallowly thrusting in and out of his mouth as he panted heavily through his nose, trying to catch his breath.

            He came back to his senses, however, as Ryuuji shifted his hips, raising himself up and removing his dick from Rin's mouth. Rin flexed his sore jaw, the stiff joints popping with the unexpected movement, but then he froze as Ryuuji reached down and gave himself a few quick jerks, finishing himself off and spurting a thick stream of cum across Rin's cheek, chin and collar bone.

_That fucker just gave me a pearl necklace..._ Shock, embarrassment and shame flooded him, making him feel inexplicably hot, but he barely had time to process the thoughts and feelings as Ryuuji jerked his boxers back in to place and climbed off Rin, silently trudging back to his own sleeping bag without a word. That act by itself sent Rin down a completely different path of emotions. How could Ryuuji just walk away without saying anything like nothing had just happened? And why, god why, was he still so fucking aroused? His heart was still pounding, and his blood pumping harshly through his veins as he replayed what had just transpired. He couldn't remember ever feeling this aroused in his entire life, and he was honestly considering jerking off right then and there, that is, until someone coughed and rolled over in their sleeping bag, and Rin quickly snapped back to reality and ripped his night shirt off over his head, using it to quickly clean Ryuuji's spunk off his face and neck and shoving it under his pillow and hoping to God that no one would say anything in the morning. He rolled over, firmly burying his face against his pillow, but there was absolutely no fucking way he'd be able to sleep. Not with what had just happened playing out again and again in his head and fueling one of the most raging boners he'd ever had in his young teenage life.


	2. Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin and Ryuuji are both very confused about what Rin wants. Both of them have their own methods of trying to figure it out.

            Rin fidgeted in his seat at the front of the class, tapping his pencil incessantly against his desk. The thing bothering him the most wasn't even the fact that he had been molested by someone he thought of as a friend. I mean, really, that's what it was, even though Rin was hardly going to think of himself as a victim. Ryuuji was right, Rin could have easily stopped him if he had wanted to, and he hadn't wanted to—He had enjoyed it, immensely—but if Ryuuji had propositioned him before hand, he definitely would have said no. Not that Ryuuji wasn't attractive in a general sense, but Rin was not attracted TO him. Rin even spent a few days agonizing over it and questioning his sexuality and had finally come to the conclusion that, yes, he still definitely liked women. He'd even spent a little while looking at gay porn when Yukio wasn't in the room—making sure to clear his search history of course—and no, that wasn't doing anything for him either. But in comparison to what had happened straight porn was suddenly boring. He could still jerk off to it, but it didn't set his heart racing or make him feel like he was on fire.Had it always been like that?

            No, the thing that bothered Rin the most was that Ryuuji was acting like nothing happened. He felt like a girl who was waiting for a call or a text after a one night stand, except that didn't quite accurately cover their situation. Rin didn't even know what he was expecting—It wasn't like he wanted Ryuuji to act all lovey-dovey and ask him out or anything, God no—but complete normalcy wasn't it. Ryuuji was back to casually insulting his laziness and mocking his intelligence, while occasionally inviting him to hang out with him, Konekomaru and Shima for lunch. Same old, same old. He hadn't said or done anything, or even so much as looked at Rin in a way that hinted at that night. He almost felt like he was going crazy, like he had dreamed up the whole thing, but the crusty shirt under his pillow the next morning said otherwise. It made him feel used and dirty, like Ryuuji had gotten what he wanted from him and then just thrown him aside, and for some reason, thatgot Rin horny just thinking about it, and _that_ is what bothered him. _What the fuck is wrong with me_? He could barely look at the other boy without feeling a flicker of butterflies in his stomach and in his pants. Ryuuji was acting like nothing happened, while Rin was the one acting like a complete weirdo. Blushing, averting his gaze, looking for excuses to avoid him once he realized how truly uncomfortable it made him to be near the other boy after Ryuuji acted like there wasn't anything between them. But what _was_ there between them?

            _Ugh... What do I even want?_ Rin sighed loudly, caught up in his own inner turmoil, and barely registered the pointed cough that came from the front of the classroom.

            "Nii-san?"

            "Yeah," Rin answered casually, not having caught the tense irritation in his brother's voice.

            "Could you pay attention, please? It's not like your life is riding on your grade."

            "Oh, right! Sorry..." Rin mumbled, scowling at the snickers elicited from the other cram school students and not even bothering to claim he had been paying attention. Not after where his thoughts had been. He put his head down to continue writing notes and tried to pay attention to his brother's voice as he continued to drone on, but it wasn't long before Rin's thoughts started to swirl away down the path they'd been stuck on for the past few days. Something had to change.

            As class ended and the other students began packing up and filtering out of the class room, Rin sat there, numbly packing his textbooks away as he watched the Kyoto Trio heading for the door. All he had to do was let them go—Ignore Ryuuji and the weird feelings he stirred inside Rin and get over it and on with his life—but just as the other boys were crossing the threshold Rin called out.

            "B-Bon! Can I talk to you for a sec?"

            The other boys stopped and Ryuuji turned to give him a questioning look.

            "In private?" Rin asked, trying to keep the nervousness out of his voice and pretend like it was no big deal. He already felt like he was on fire, like someone had unsheathed Kurikara and the flames were consuming his body, though with the way he was feeling he might have preferred if that was true.

            Ryuuji nodded and sent the other two on ahead to meet up with them later.

            Rin quickly packed up his stuff and stood so they could walk and talk in the halls. Yukio was still idly packing up his teaching notes and conversing with Shiemi about something from his lesson, and they were the absolute last people he'd want to overhear what he had to talk to Ryuuji about.

            "So?" Ryuuji asked him when they had found somewhere quiet and alone to talk.

            "Um... You know..." Rin stuttered, "Last week..."

            Ryuuji nodded encouragingly.

            "D-during the overnight training camp..." Rin stuttered and trailed off, fidgeting with his hands as he had difficulty getting the words out of his mouth.

            "I know when you're getting at," Ryuuji said irritably, his cheeks going red, "Get to the point."

            Rin flushed. This was already hard enough, why did Ryuuji always have to be one step ahead of him, and such a smug bastard about it at the same time.

            "I... uh, I..." Why did this have to be so fucking hard?

            "You want to do it again?"

            "No!" Rin snapped his head up to gape at Ryuuji, but the other boy was completely serious, no sign of suggestive mockery in his voice or on his face, in fact, Rin thought he might be mistaken but Ryuuji looked almost hopeful. "I mean... uh... maybe," Rin admitted hesitantly, blushing, and Ryuuji snorted, "But that's not what I was going to say..."

            "Okay?" Ryuuji said, indicating for Rin to keep talking.

            Rin sighed and took a deep breath, "Okay, this is gonna' sound weird," he admitted, blushing brightly and looking away from Ryuuji, scratching nervously at his wrist. Ryuuji didn't say anything, not even taking the easy shot to say that Rin was already weird without needing to do anything to seem weirder. Rin took that as a good sign.

            "The way you just..." he made grasping motions with his hands as if the right words were sitting in front of him and all he had to do was grab them. "You just took, without asking, or saying anything at all..."

            "I told you to stop me if you wanted," Ryuuji barked, his anger flaring as he got defensive, and Rin thought he saw guilt flash through his eyes for a split second.

            "No, you don't understand...I- I liked it!" Rin blurted, trying to get it out before shame and embarrassment forced him to back down.

            "Oh..." Ryuuji said breathlessly, dumbstruck as if he hadn't been expecting that. Both of them blushed, looking away from each other. Ryuuji scratched at his chin scruff while Rin stared down at his feet.

            "So... um," Ryuuji broke the awkward silence before it could stretch too long, and Rin looked up at him. As he did, Ryuuji reached up, cupping Rin's cheek and leaned down towards him, but before their mouths could connect, Rin's hand shot up between their faces to push him out to arm's length, snapping Ryuuji's head back and almost toppling him off balance.

            "W-What the fuck?" he snapped as he caught his footing, "What is with you?"

            "Me? _You're_ the one that tried to kiss me!" Rin said, blushing with indignation.

            "No shit I tried to kiss you! I like you!" Ryuuji shouted, jabbing his finger in to Rin's chest with each word, as if it would help pound them in to Rin's thick skull. "Why the hell else do you think I'd do what I did?"

            "Oh... um... 'm sorry" Rin mumbled, flustered at the unexpectedly blunt confession. He had assumed Ryuuji's motivations ended at physical pleasure, and he hadn't put anymore thought in to it. Now he felt like an idiot.

Ryuuji deflated at his apology. "It's fine," he growled as he rubbed his neck, still annoyed, but much less angry than a moment ago.

            "No... I mean, I'm sorry, but ... I don't feel the same way," Rin tried to explain, but stopped as Ryuuji made a choking noise. He looked up to see the taller boy, gritting his teeth, biting back the hurt as he stared down at his feet.

            "But... You said you liked it." Ryuuji ground out through gritted teeth, his voice was angry and confused.

            Rin may not have had romantic feelings for the other boy, but they were still friends, and he grimaced at the defeated tone in the other boy's voice. Plus, he still had some kind of _other_ feelings which he had yet to identify that he'd originally been planning to talk about, and having turned Ryuuji down, he knew if he didn't get it out now he never would get the courage again. He sighed and tried to prepare himself once more for the admission he'd intended to give the first time around, before he could screw the conversation up any further.

            "The part I liked was... And this is the part that's gonna' make me sound like a total fuckin' weirdo," he grumbled, rubbing his arm, "But you came on my face and then just left, and I- I've never been so embarrassed or ashamed or-or... turned on," he admitted quickly. Ryuuji simply stared at him, his brow contorted in confusion, and Rin turned away, feeling his face catch fire.

            "T-that... I... I liked _that_ part," he said quietly, almost a whisper. Ryuuji was also silent, staring at Rin with a confused scowl as he tried to digest that information, to understand it and make something useful of it.

            "But... You don't like me," Ryuuji said, restating the facts that Rin had presented to him, trying to lay out all the info in a clear and understandable manner.

            "I like you as a friend," Rin said, but then quickly added, "But I also liked what we did together. I just don't want you getting the wrong idea."

            "You... want to do more?"

            "... I think so."

            "But I can't kiss you."

            Rin ducked his gaze as he rubbed the back of his head. He wanted to make this work somehow, but he still wasn't even sure exactly what it was he wanted. To have Ryuuji take from him without asking? To be used? He was ashamed to even think like that, but... Rin sighed, and closed his eyes, letting the memory from that night last week play over in his mind. He licked his lips, took a steadying breath, and finally answered. "Only if I tell you not to."

            Ryuuji stared at him, confusion clear in his eyes as he was unsure of what to make of Rin's answer. _Was that permission? Or...?_ Feeling hopeful, Ryuuji leaned down towards Rin again, slower this time, testing the waters. Rin's hand came up and landed on Ryuuji's mouth, blocking him, but not shoving him away this time.

            "No," Rin said firmly, but his brows were drawn together almost as if he was pleading with the other boy, begging him to understand, because if Rin had to spell it out for him, it wouldn't be the same. Ryuuji sighed behind Rin's hand, but then without warning, Rin's expression turned to one of determination as he grabbed Ryuuji's head, burying his hands in his gelled hair and pulled him down in to a rough kiss. Before Ryuuji even had a chance to react, Rin pushed him away again. He kept his hand planted firmly against Ryuuji's chest, as if to hold him back.

            "I said 'no', asshole." It was defiant, as if he was daring him to do something, to question or react to his bizarre behaviour. Flustered, Ryuuji simply stared at Rin, his mouth gaped open as he reached for a stunned apology, but Rin watched as shock, hurt and confusion played out across his face before something like understanding finally dawned in his eyes.

            Slow and steady, Ryuuji took Rin's wrist firmly in hand and then moved it away from his chest so it was no longer holding him back, and Rin let him. Locking eyes with Rin as he moved, he reached down and grabbed his other wrist. Raising Rin's arms and holding them up at his sides, he took one step at a time and walked the smaller boy backwards towards the nearby wall, where he pinned Rin's wrists above his head, and Rin let him. As he did, Rin's breathing grew heavy and that defiant, daring expression turned wistful and expectant, almost wanton.

            Ryuuji swallowed the lump in his throat, battling back that last ounce of uncertainty, and leaned in to kiss Rin, open mouthed and hungry. Rin squirmed, trying to turn his head away, so Ryuuji released one of his hands to grip his face, and planted his body firmly against Rin's, from chest to hip, grinding his knee in between the other boys' legs. Rin shivered, moaning in to their kiss and Ryuuji took it as a sign he was on the right track, leaning in against the smaller boy with the weight of his body. He slipped his tongue in to Rin's mouth, tasting him, and Rin pushed back with his own. Ryuuji couldn't help but think he was trying to push his tongue out of his mouth, but Rin didn't stop the kiss, moaning in to Ryuuji's open mouth, leaning up in to him.

            Ryuuji was still uncertain—this was definitely not how he thought this would go—but he could feel Rin's body responding to him, his cock growing hard against his thigh as he continued to grind in to the smaller boy, and his body responded in kind.

            When Ryuuji pulled away to breath, Rin leaned up to try to recapture his mouth, but Ryuuji held him back and was rewarded with a whimper. Rin was breathing hard, flustered and needy, and he ground his hips against Ryuuji's leg trying to find some form of release, but despite Rin's apparent eagerness, Ryuuji was having trouble shaking off his uncertainty for the whole scenario.

            Rin scowled in confusion as Ryuuji released his wrist and stepped away from him. "What are you doing?" he asked breathlessly.

            Ryuuji opened his mouth to answer, but then snapped it shut with a grimace, running his hand through his hair. "I need time to think," he finally answered, unable to look at Rin. Rin huffed, adjusting the fit of his pants, but he didn't say anything as Ryuuji walked away.

 

* * *

 

 

            Ryuuji pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to stave off the migraine as he stared down at his homework. For once he was having trouble getting it finished. No matter how hard he looked, he simply didn't see the page in front of him. His mind was too caught up with swirling thoughts of Rin and what had happened earlier that day. It had taken every ounce of his willpower to walk away from that.

            "Hey Bon, check out this chick!" Shima said, flashing his magazine in front of Ryuuji's face.

            "Damn it, Shima," Ryuuji said, brushing the magazine aside irritably. He stopped as he caught a glance of the image out of the corner of his eye, grabbing the magazine back. The "chick" in question was on her knees and in the process of trying to service three different men at once, covered in more than a little semen. The look in her eyes wasn't unlike the look Rin had given him earlier that day when he'd first pinned him against the wall. Ryuuji flipped the page and found an image of a woman lying over a man's lap, being spanked. Another page showed a woman on a bed, restrained with a fuzzy pair of handcuffs.

            "I didn't know you were in to this kind of stuff," he said, eyeing Shima.

            "I'm not. Not really. I just borrowed it from someone," Shima said with a dismissive shrug, like porn was porn and he didn't really care what kind it was. "All that stuff is pretty soft anyways. I've seen much worse," he said, laughing it off.

            "Can I borrow this?" Ryuuji asked, still flipping pages.

            "Really?" Shima's eyes lit up, "I've been trying to force my dirty magz on you for years, and this is the first thing you show interest in?"

            Ryuuji just rolled his eyes. "Can I borrow it or not?"

            "Sure. Just remember, it isn't mine, so don't get it dirty or anything."

            "Gross," Ryuuji grimaced as he set the magazine aside for after he'd finished his homework. Shima was still watching him expectantly—a stupid grin plastered on his face—like he'd just made some kind of breakthrough with Ryuuji. There was no way he was going to look through it any further with Shima hovering over his shoulder. Besides, he suddenly felt as if he could focus better now that he had some clue that would help him understand Rin's behaviour. He hoped so anyways. Ryuuji didn't actually get back to the magazine until much later that evening, when he was sure Shima's attention was elsewhere. He flipped through it, looking at the pictures and reading the articles, what few of them there were, and Shima was right, it was pretty soft core stuff, mostly just playing in to the typical male power fantasy, however, some of the things mentioned in the articles gave Ryuuji a good start, and he took his research to the internet with slightly better results, actually writing things down and taking notes for later.

            "What's that for?" Ryuuji jumped as Shima's voice came suddenly from right behind him.

            "Jesus Christ, Shima! Don't sneak up on me!" he barked, annoyed and embarrassed.

            "More homework?" Shima asked, sounding bored as he looked over Ryuuji's shoulder at the lengthy article he'd been reading.

            "It's a paper on psychology," he said quickly. Not a lie. What he didn't say was that it was a paper on the psychology of sexual deviation, but he was positive Shima wouldn't read enough to clue in to that fact. "I'm done with this," he added, handing the magazine back to Shima. The other boy looked disappointed.

            "Already?"

            "Yeah. It didn't quite have what I was looking for."

            Shima raised an eyebrow at that comment, but Ryuuji wasn't going to give him any more information than that.


	3. Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being "friends with benefits" may sound fun, but it comes with its own set of problems and difficulties.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's reading and commenting so far~  
> This is where the dirty tags start to come in. I hope you enjoy.

Ryuuji had actually been worried ever since the first incident. He'd been attracted to Rin for a while now, though he'd only recently admitted it to himself, and he had been positive that he'd take that crush to the grave. He's been such a jerk to Rin when they'd first met, and though things were better now, he felt as if he'd burned that bridge before he even realized he wanted to cross it. Plus, everyone knew that Rin liked Shiemi, but then... He wasn't even sure what had happened. Something had snapped, and he'd just acted. Maybe Shura had mixed up their drinks again—It was perfectly like her to be so blatantly irresponsible—but Ryuuji hadn't felt drunk. After words, when Rin didn't say anything and even starting avoiding him, Ryuuji had decided he was embarrassed, or didn't like him, or... something, so he decided to forget it. Not literally forget, he was definitely saving that memory in his spank bank, but he decided that if Rin didn't come forward after doing _that_ with him, there was nothing left for him to pursue. And Rin had said nothing for the first week, so Ryuuji had said nothing, acting as if everything was completely normal between them trying to help make it less awkward. He resolved to put it behind him—a sweet, sweet memory—and just move. It wasn't like he could talk to Shima or Konekomaru about it.

            And then, after about a week, Rin had finally approached him. Apparently he just needed time to work through his own feelings. Cumming on his face had been an accident. Really! But then Rin had caught him off guard by admitting that he had liked it. Not that he liked Ryuuji, or what they had done together, but what Ryuuji had done _to_ him—really liked it—and they had come to some kind of understanding of what Rin wanted from him... Sort of... But Ryuuji still felt like he was poised to take advantage of the other boy. Or maybe it was Rin who was taking advantage of him...

            When Rin walked in to their cram class and stopped in the door way to stare at him, Ryuuji knew he had a problem. He watched as Rin's face went bright red, and the other boy's expression turned to one of wistful, glassy eyed desire, as if he was remembering their unfinished business from the day before, right then and there at the front of the class. Ryuuji turned away to stare at the chalkboard before his own face could go red. _Damn, that idiot._

            He didn't react to Rin’s stare, but he watched him hesitantly take his seat through his peripheral vision. He couldn't have him causing a scene in class, especially not after what had happened between them. He wouldn't have minded admitting it to Shima and Konekomaru if they had started some semblance of a normal relationship. He knew his friends well enough to know they wouldn't take issue with it—not like they had a choice—but Ryuuji wasn't sure if what they had could even be called a relationship, let alone an abnormal one.

            "Dude, Okumura is staring at you," Shima whispered and Ryuuji flinched before stopping himself from looking. He knew Rin was staring. He could feel the other boy's eyes on him. Instead of validating Shima's comment he shrugged dismissively.

            "What do you think his problem is?" Shima asked.

            "Don't know, don't care," Ryuuji answered, trying to brush it off like whatever Rin was doing was unimportant and aggressively buried himself in note taking.

            He'd have to talk to him later, but... about what? He wasn't sure what Rin wanted from him, or if he could even give it to him. Yesterday had been... weird, but hot. Kissing Rin, pinning him up against the wall, taking control of the situation, of Rin; That was one thing, but Ryuuji had a feeling Rin was asking for a lot more. Things normal people didn't do. But then again, he wasn't sure which of any of them was supposed to be classified as normal. Either way, he hoped his study session from the previous night would leave him better prepared to deal with the other boy.

            At some point during the class they split in to pairs to work on a shared assignment. Ryuuji had taken Konekomaru as his partner before even giving Rin a chance to say anything, afraid of the other boy attracting weird attention to the both of them, but now the tables had turned. Ryuuji was having trouble concentrating as he watched Rin work with Shiemi, a large dopey grin on the other boy’s face as he hovered over the shy girl, both of them struggling somewhat with the assignment. Konekomaru had to draw Ryuuji’s attention back to the assignment more than once—thankfully he understood the subject matter well enough that he didn't have to give it his full attention anyway. He glanced up again as Shiemi blushed, laughing shyly at something Rin had said, and a quiet snap drew Ryuuji's attention down to see the pencil he held broken in two. He stared dumbly at it for a moment, unaware that he'd been gripping it that hard.

            "Uh... Are you okay, Bon?" Konekomaru asked timidly

            "M' fine," he said as he dug inside his bag for a new pencil. He shook himself slightly, trying to rid himself of the weird feeling that had been distracting him.

            "Where were we?" he asked, trying to force his attention back on the assignment.

 

* * *

 

            "Oi, Okumura!"

            This time it was Ryuuji who called Rin out. Rin had been about to leave the room with Shiemi and Ryuuji wasn't sure why the sight bothered him so much. He had never planned to confess to Rin in the first place, but after yesterday—with the barest glimmer of hope for some kind of relationship with Rin shining dimly in front of him—seeing them laughing together was making him oddly uncomfortable. He hadn't totally figured Rin out yet, but he didn't want to watch Rin and Shiemi walk off together if he could help it.

            "Yeah? Watcha' want?" Rin asked casually over his shoulder, barely taking his eyes off Shiemi. After the way he'd been staring at Ryuuji earlier, only to ignore him now? Ryuuji felt his anger rising inside himself as he stomped forward and grabbed Rin by the shoulder of his jacket. Ignoring Rin's outraged protests and without even addressing him, he turned to Shiemi. "I need to speak to him privately, so I'll be taking him now," he said curtly, but the tone of his voice left no room for argument, and the timid girl meekly nodded her assent, as if she had a choice.

            "What the fuck is your problem?" Rin snapped at him, trying to keep up with the grip Ryuuji had on his coat, as he cast one final look over his shoulder at Shiemi. Ryuuji didn't answer, continuing to drag him along until he'd found a private room, pulling Rin inside and tossing him towards the wall. Rin spun around, teeth bared and knees bent as if he was ready to attack.

            "If you want to talk to me, you just have to ask," he hissed at Ryuuji, but flinched as the taller boy slapped his fists against the wall on either side of his head.

            "I thought you liked it when I didn't ask permission," Ryuuji said, and Rin actually recoiled at the predatory look on the other boy's face. That first image from Shima’s magazine came to the forefront of Ryuuji’s mind as he leaned down over Rin almost trapping him in place. He wanted Rin to look at him like that again.

Rin felt his heart begin to pound as he slouched against the wall. There was less than 10 centimeters of difference in their height, but Ryuuji appeared to tower over him.

            "So... When I came on your face. You liked that, huh?" He asked suddenly, his tone was almost mocking, but all self-satisfied.

            "...Yeah," Rin admitted breathlessly.

            "You want to do it again?" Ryuuji asked, leaning down so there was less than an inch between their faces. Rin inhaled sharply, running his tongue over his teeth.

            "Yeah."

            Ryuuji pulled away suddenly, leaving Rin confused and slouched against the wall with his heart pounding and his pants tight.

            "Meet me tonight," he began, "Leave your room at midnight. Tell your brother you're going to the bathroom if he asks. Be at my room no later than quarter after, but don't knock. Kneel in the hallway beside the door."

            "Wha-... But..." Rin started, confused as all hell.

            "They're simple instructions. Can you follow them or not?" Ryuuji snapped at him.

            "O-Of course I can! But-"

            "Good. See you tonight then," and with that said, Ryuuji walked off without giving Rin further chance to protest. Rin shivered as he stared after the other boy and took a deep breath as he tried to calm him nerves.

            That evening probably couldn't have progressed any slower for Rin. He'd gone back to his room to drop off his bag, with the intention of heading to the bathroom to rub one out quickly since his blood was still pumping from his interactions with Ryuuji, but Yukio was already at their room and instantly began nagging him for attempting to put off his homework, killing his arousal. With the mood gone, Rin didn't have much else to do. He attempted to do some homework, his brother once again nagging him for his inability to focus. If only Yukio knew the true cause of his distraction. He made dinner for himself, Yukio and Kuro, and then attempted to read some manga. Yukio didn't notice or care that Rin apparently couldn't focus on that either. He had to re-read a page, over and over every time his thoughts wandered to something more exciting, more elicit, and he kept catching himself staring off in to space. All he could really do was wonder what he was getting himself in to. Eventually it was late enough to bathe and pretend to go to bed. He obviously couldn't set an alarm, because that would alert Yukio, but he didn't even have to worry about trying not to fall asleep. Every cell of his body hummed with energy. He was on high alert while simply watching the digital alarm clock slowly—so agonizingly slowly—move through the minutes one by one. He would have left earlier out of sheer impatience if he thought he could do so without arousing Yukio's suspicion, but his younger brother didn't go to bed until around 11:30.

            When the clock finally hit 11:56, Rin couldn't wait any longer and he quietly threw his blanket aside. Quiet, but not too quiet. Rin wasn't a good liar, but Ryuuji had already told him what to do if Yukio questioned him. He was a big boy. He could go to the fucking bathroom without supervision, even if Yukio sometimes gave him the impression that he thought otherwise. _Don't act like you're doing anything you're not supposed to be doing._ But Yukio didn't move or acknowledge him at all, apparently already sound asleep. It was actually a little bit disappointing.

            Rin quietly grabbed his shoes and left the room before slipping them on, tucked his tail inside his shirt, and then ran all the way to the modernized boy's dorms. When he got there, the lights were dimmed for the night. Only every second set of florescent lights illuminated the hall, in case of an emergency. The dorm was quiet, but not dead. Rin could hear music or talking occasionally coming from some of the rooms, but he didn't think twice about it as he made his way to Ryuuji's room. He raised his fist to knock, but then remembered Ryuuji's instructions. He wished he'd brought his phone or a watch or anything to tell time with as he knelt on the floor beside the door, but his phone was still back in his room, sitting on the nightstand and plugged in to its charger. He thought it might be suspicious of Yukio saw him leaving with it. Since he'd left early and had run all the way, he was certain he was early, but he had no idea how long he had to wait. It was less than ten minutes, but for some reason it felt longer than the hours he had already waited.

            A door down the hallway creaked open and clicked shut, grabbing Rin's attention, but no one entered the hall where he knelt. His heart was racing and he began to shiver as a light, panicked sweat covered his body. What if someone came down the hall and saw him kneeling? What would they think? What was he even doing there? A light flicked on in the room behind him, shining dimly out from under the door and Rin caught his breath. Was it time? Muffled talking—Shima's voice, and then Ryuuji's—but Rin couldn't make out what was being said. The lock clicked, the door knob turned, the door opened, and Ryuuji stepped out in to the hallway, quietly shutting the door behind him. Then he turned and looked down at Rin.

            _Oh shit._

            He had looked angry at first, or perhaps that was just his usual disdainful scowl, but upon seeing Rin there, kneeling in the hallway as he had instructed, Ryuuji's mouth drew up in to predatory grin—Not friendly. Hungry—as he stepped forward to really tower over him. He was also already hard, wearing only his boxers and a light t-shirt.

            "Bon, wha-" Rin was cut off as Ryuuji grabbed his head, pulling it firmly against his crotch, and the rest of Rin's question was muffled in the fabric of Ryuuji's boxers. Rin went rigid, caught off guard by the abrupt action, and when Ryuuji pulled his head back all Rin could do was gape up at him, mouth and eyes wide with shock. Ryuuji licked his lips hungrily, and as Rin sat their staring, he took that opportunity to draw his cock out through the fly in his boxers, pulling Rin's head forward again. This time he was ready. Sort of. Rin wasn't sure if he could possibly be ready to have his face fucked, but that's what happened as soon as he took Ryuuji's cock in to his mouth. With one hand fisted in Rin's hair and the other on the side of his head, Ryuuji fucked his mouth, and unlike last time it was neither shallow, nor gentle. It was all Rin could do to try to keep his teeth out of the way and not gag as Ryuuji thrust in to his mouth, fast and dirty. Rin placed his hands on Ryuuji's legs to brace himself, and couldn't help but marvel at the calf muscles that moved and bunched beneath his grip as Ryuuji thrust forward, again and again, driving his head back with every thrust of his hips. Rin grunted in pain as his head collided with the wall behind him, once, twice, before Ryuuji's hand moved to the back of his head to hold him still and soften any further blows, but he didn't slow his frantic thrusting. Rin on the other hand was trying to push Ryuuji away, grunting a protest around the cock in his mouth. It wasn't the pain from hitting the wall—he had definitely had worse—it was the rising panic induced by the idea that Shima might have heard the noise and mistaken it for someone knocking on the door, to have him peer out in to the hallway and catch them in the act. But Ryuuji didn't relent, and with that rising fear came the adrenaline rush, the ultimate high as Ryuuji continued to abuse Rin's mouth for his own pleasure, grunting with each thrust of his hips. All Rin could do was marvel at the feel of the other boy's cock as it slid in and out of his mouth, over his extended tongue, hitting the roof of his mouth, sometimes going deeper than that, as Rin panted heavily through his nose. Rin himself was painfully hard, throbbing, and he was thankful for the loose fit of the track pants he usually slept in. Saliva flew with every outward thrust, and mixed with pre-cum to run down his chin, dripping on his night shirt. He looked up and locked eyes with Ryuuji, the fire in the other boy's eyes going straight to his groin, and for a moment Rin thought he might cum right then and there, without even needing to be touched, but Ryuuji stopped suddenly, pulling himself from Rin's mouth and with a deep, guttural groan, he shot a thick rope of cum directly across his face. Rin gasped in shock. When Ryuuji was finished, Rin could only open one of his eyes, and he peered up at the other boy with a whimper.

            They were both breathing hard, panting, trying to catch their breath. Rin's face was covered in his own drool and Ryuuji’s cum, slowly dripping down his face and gluing his eye shut. He caught some of it with his tongue as it dribbled by his mouth. _Hot. Salty._

            Ryuuji slowly unfisted his hand from Rin's hair and took a step back, tucking himself back in to his boxers, before looking down at the other boy with a self-satisfied smirk. Rin wiped his mouth with his sleeve, but when he grabbed the hem of his shirt to pull it up and wipe is face, Ryuuji stopped him, silently placing his hand over Rin's.

            "Don't."

            "Wha..?"

            "Don't clean it off until you get back to your dorm."

            "B-B-BUT!" Rin shouted before he remembered to be quiet, "What if someone sees me?!" He hissed, jumping up to grab Ryuuji by the front of his shirt and yanking him down so they were eye to eye. Rin's pulse had just started to calm, and with those few words it was already back to pounding, his body on fire just from the idea of going out in public like this.

            Ryuuji didn't even flinch at the proximity to his own mess on Rin's face. "Doesn't matter," he said calmly as he gently unwound Rin's fists from his shirt and stood up straight. "All that matters is I told you not to." And with that he kissed Rin on the top of the head and sidestepped him, going back in to his room and shutting the door behind him, leaving Rin stunned and alone in the darkened hallway.

            Rin stood frozen from the moment the kiss fluttered against his hair, and he stuttered, his response caught in his throat with nowhere to go except the empty hallway as he stood there shivering from something other than cold. He could have just wiped it off then; Ryuuji would have been none the wiser. Instead, Rin bolted down the hallway, head down and running as fast as he could to get back to his dorms. He needn't have worried though, as the only people out that late were far too caught up in their own business to pay any attention to a single teenager.

            He had never been more thankful to live in the abandoned dorms as he threw the doors open recklessly and raced towards the nearest bathroom. However, instead of heading for the sinks to wash his face, he headed for the first bathroom stall. The door banged shut behind him, bouncing open again when he didn't bother to latch it closed. His skin burned as he leaned against the cold tile decorating the wall behind the toilet, and when he thrust his hand in to his track pants he actually gasped at the first touch, still achingly hard. Ryuuji's cum had already begun to cool, but Rin could still feel it on his face, slimy and wet. He played the events of the last half hour over in his head, breathing heavily as he stroked himself quickly, remembering how Ryuuji's cum got there, recalling the feel of Ryuuji's hands on his head and his cock in his mouth, the feel of being used as a thing. Even better than last time, since there was nothing reciprocal about what they'd done. Ryuuji had used him without giving anything in return, and Rin loved it. His mouth was actually watering, and when he came, it was so hard he saw stars, his vision going black for a split second as his muscles gave out and he slid in to a pile on the cold floor beside the toilet. Clutching at the wall for support, he took a moment to catch his breath, before standing on shaky legs, pulling his pants up, and making his way over to the sinks. He took a moment to look at himself in the mirror, etching the image in to his memory. He'd never quite been comfortable with the way he looked now; the red pupils, the pointed ears, the fangs. It was altogether inhuman, monstrous. People finally had a reason to call him a demon, to recoil in fear from him, but here he was now, the Son of Satan, with another man's semen dripping down his face. It was humiliating, shameful, emasculating and completely non-threatening. He took a good, long look, before he finally turned on the water and began to wash his face. When he was finished, he looked up at his reflection again, grit his teeth, and punched the mirror, concaving its surface in a spider's web of shattered glass shards. He then took a deep breath, exhaling slowly through his nose, before he rinsed the blood off his hand.

            Feeling loose, like he'd had every ounce of stress melted out of his body from a full massage, Rin dragged himself back to his room, and when he slipped silently inside, his brother actually stirred.

            "Nii-san...?" Yukio mumbled sleepily, "Where were you?"

            "Bathroom," Rin mumbled with a yawn as he slithered in to bed, and it wasn't even technically a lie.


	4. Negotiations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryuuji lays out some ground rules. Whether or not they're effective will remain to be seen.

            When Rin rolled out of bed the next morning, it was after only half the usual prodding from Yukio. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so refreshed. There was an extra spring in his step as he prepared for the day, making breakfast and lunch for himself and his brother.

            "Sleep well?" Yukio asked Rin as he finished setting the table and they both sat down to eat breakfast.

            "Like a fucking log!" he said, grinning widely and stretching his arms out above his head before digging in to the food.

            "Is that different from usual?"

            "Har har, very funny," Rin said, but Yukio's teasing did nothing to lower his mood, and Rin was having trouble keeping the grin off his face as he ate.

            "Something good happen?" Yukio suddenly asked, causing Rin to pause mid-bite.

            "N-Nothing in particular!" he said feeling suddenly hot. He hoped he wasn't blushing. He quickly shoveled more food in to his mouth, trying to cover up his awkwardness. He hadn't realized his behaviour stood out so much. But now that he was thinking about last night... Rin slowly lowered his hand to the table and paused in his eating.

            "Yukio... Am I weird?"

            "Do you mean more so than usual or in general?" Yukio asked without missing a beat.

            "I'm being serious!"

            "You're weird." Yukio continued eating, watching as Rin pouted and shrank in on himself, staring intensely down at his meal. Yukio sighed in exasperation. "I don't know why it bothers you. I don't think anyone really expects any different from you at this point."

            "That hurts you know!" Rin snapped dramatically, pouting at his brother. Yukio just shrugged.

            "Being weird isn't necessarily a bad thing. It just means you're different, and _you_ are definitely different. As long as you're not hurting yourself or others, it can't be bad."

            "Huh..." Rin stared at Yukio, pondering his words.

            "Make sure you practice hard with Shura to control your abilities and you won't have to worry about your differences hurting people."

            "That's-!" Rin snapped his mouth shut. He'd been about to correct his brother on the true subject of his worry, but _that_ was not a conversation one has with their brother. "Whatever you say, moley four-eyes," he whined instead as he went back to eating.

 

            Unlike Rin, Ryuuji hardly slept at all, eaten by the worry that he'd pushed Rin too far. That didn't stop him from getting out of bed at 5am and following his usual morning routine, but by the time he sat down to eat breakfast with Shima and Konekomaru, he already felt exhausted.

            "You okay, Bon?" Konekomaru asked, noticing the uncharacteristic dark circles under his friend’s eyes.

            "Yeah, man, you look like shit," Shima added, none too helpfully. Ryuuji glared at him.

            "I'm fine, Koneko. Just had trouble sleeping," he mumbled noncommittally.

            "Well, let us know if there's anything we can do," he offered.

Ryuuji nodded, but there was no way in hell he was sharing his problems with either of his friends. What would he even say? “I’ve started a no strings attached relationship with Okumura and I’m afraid I might have pushed the boundary too far by cumming all over his face in a public hallway”? Fat fucking chance.

            As the day progressed, he was becoming more and more irritable. He tried to cover it up by throwing himself even harder in to his studies, but he found he was snapping at anyone who dared interrupt him, including teachers and classmates from his normal classes. He couldn't wait the rest of the day, not for a repeat of the last two, only to get to cram classes and have him and Rin ignore each other again until by the end of class the both of them would be ready to burst. By the time lunch rolled around he was a stress-ridden ball of nerves. Ryuuji made an excuse and blew off Shima and Konekomaru to go find Rin, which wasn't too hard, because if Rin wasn't eating with them, he was eating with Shiemi. Unfortunately, it was Shiemi he found first, sitting on the edge of the fountain at the center of the courtyard.

            "Uh, hey..." he said approaching her somewhat awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head.

            "Hello, Suguro-kun," she said smiling brightly at him, "How are you?"

            ""M fine," he mumbled, "Sorry about yesterday." Not like his problems with Rin were her fault.

            "It's okay. It is kind of scary, but I'm sort of used to it now," she admitted, completely innocently until she saw Ryuuji deflate at her words, and then she panicked as she tried to backtrack, waving her hands in front of herself, "I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that you're scary!"

            "It's okay," he said, with an amused smirk as he watched the poor girl blush and fluster as she tried to apologize.

            "I just meant I used to get upset when I saw you and Rin fighting all the time, but then I realized that's just how you guys are. It looks like fighting to me, but it never seems to affect your friendship. I'm just glad everyone gets along in their own way."

            "You think so?" he asked hesitantly. He wasn't even totally sure himself. His relationship with Rin always seemed so up and down—even before the current situation—which was admittedly mostly his own fault because he couldn't condone laziness or ignorance even though he'd always had to put up with it from Shima. Rin just didn't take Ryuuji's attitude the same way Shima did. Still, that wasn't even touching on their current problems.

            "Yeah, speaking of which, are you looking for Rin again," she asked with a smile.

            "Yeah... We didn't really do much talking, even after I dragged him away yesterday," he admitted.

            "Take a seat," she said, patting the stonework edge of the fountain beside herself, "He'll be along shortly, and then I'm sure you can work out whatever the problem is."

            Ryuuji bit his tongue at the guilt rising inside him again and took a seat awkwardly next to her. Shiemi smiled at him once more, and then began humming to herself, swinging her legs idly as they waited together. Ryuuji just sat there, silently brooding.

            "You know, if you ever need any help, you can always ask me, right?" she said after a minute, breaking the silence, "I consider everyone in the exorcist program to be my friend."

            Ryuuji sighed, but then smiled half-heartedly at her. "You're not the first person to offer that today, but thank you." There was that guilt again, a twinge of pain in his chest, letting him know he'd been a dick, especially when she was as oblivious to Rin's affections as she was obvious in her own towards Yukio... and with that thought Ryuuji froze as he was struck by a bolt of inspiration.

            "Hey... You like Yukio, right?" he asked suddenly, trying to sound nonchalant.

            Shiemi squeaked at the unexpected question, blushing bright red and trying to hide her face behind her hands. "I... I-I..." she stuttered, completely unable to form the words to answer the question. He didn't need her to answer it though, since he already knew.

            He laughed slightly, and then smiled, taking pity on her. "I'll support you," he said, and he watched as she stopped stuttering and then looked up at him with a stunned expression, before a bright, sunny smile broke out over her face.

            "O-okay!" she said, nodding enthusiastically, "You're a good friend, Suguro-kun!"

His smile cracked imperceptibly as he tried not to feel guilty about his ulterior motives.

 

            It was about that time that Rin ran in to the courtyard only to put on the breaks and skid to a halt in the grass upon seeing both Shiemi and Ryuuji sitting by the fountain. He gaped, eyes darting from one to the other as if seeing them together was that much of a confusing concept. Shiemi and Ryuuji both waved to him, one double palmed and excited, the other hesitant.

            "Uh.... Hey," Rin greeted them with an equally hesitant wave.

            "Hello, Rin!" Shiemi said excitedly. "Ryuuji needs to talk to you again."

            "Ah, this could take a while," he said with a sigh, "I guess I'll see you at cram school, later, okay?"

Shiemi nodded her assent, already happy to see them getting along better, but Ryuuji felt a surge of satisfaction at the fact that Rin had been so quick to give his attention to him instead of Shiemi. They waved goodbye to her and left the courtyard, walking a short distance away to get some privacy. However, as soon as Ryuuji stopped, Rin looked at their surroundings nervously like he was about to panic.

            "Here?" Rin asked incredulously, gesturing to their general surroundings. It was a nicely maintained brick path with a line of trees providing shade and a bench to sit on every few meters.

            "What's wrong with here?"

            "It's out in the open and there's so many people. Someone will see us!"

            "So? It's not like..." Ryuuji trailed off, and as Rin's meaning slowly dawned on him he turned bright red, face palming, "Oh my god! I meant actually _talk_!"

            "Oh..." Rin said, slumping his shoulders before casually making his way over to one of the benches. "So what you wanna' talk about?"

            "Well..." Ryuuji walked over to stand hesitantly by the side of the bench, hunching his shoulders defensively. "Last night... Are you okay?"

            Rin stared at him for a moment, caught off guard by the question. "'M fine. Why wouldn't I be?" he said, ducking his head to hide his blush, but trying to sound casual.

            "Because..." Ryuuji trailed off as someone walked by. Maybe this wasn't the best place for the conversation after all. The path wasn't busy, but it wasn't dead either. Lunch was well underway and most students had already found their friends and begun eating, but the occasional straggler walked by, making the conversation a little bit awkward. "Because it was... weird? Extreme? Normal people don't do stuff like that, do they?" Ryuuji asked after the passerby was out of earshot.

            Rin shrugged harshly, scowling. "I'm hardly normal, anyway, right?" he snapped.

            "I didn't mean it like that," Ryuuji barked, "I'm talking about myself too, aren't I? I just wanted to make sure you were okay... That we're okay."

            "What do you mean _we_?"

            "I told you I like you, didn't I?" Ryuuji snapped back, feeling a pinch in his chest at the pained, almost trapped expression on Rin's face. "I mean... Even though you said you don't feel the same way, we're still friends aren't we?"

            Rin sighed. "Yeah, still friends," he said with a crooked smile.

            "K' good," Ryuuji said, running his hands through his hair and finally taking a seat on the bench. "I just... don't get it. What do you like about... what we're doing?"

            Rin shrugged. "I dunno'. I guess it's kind of like a fight?" Ryuuji gave him a quizzical look, and Rin continued, "You know... A bit exciting. Your blood gets pumping, the adrenaline's going, it's a bit "fight or flight"... Except, instead of getting stabbed you get happy endings." Rin pantomimed the act of jerking off with his hand and Ryuuji snorted.

            "Do you ever want to... win the fight?" Ryuuji ask, continuing with the combat analogy.

            Rin shrugged, "Dunno'... Haven't thought about it too hard. I like what we're doing now."

            "Okay..." Ryuuji said hesitantly as he took a seat on the bench next to Rin, "Then I think we need some ground rules."

            "Oh?" Rin asked with a weird expression that seemed somewhere between excited and anxious. "Not sure if I like the idea of rules."

"Well, too bad. You're attracting too much attention," Ryuuji snapped and Rin wilted.

            "Number 1. In front of the cram school guys, the other exorcist, your brother, etcetera, act like everything is normal. That means stop staring at me so much."

            "Am not!"

            "You are, and I'm not the only one who's noticed," he hissed back. "Rule number 2," Ryuuji continued, steamrolling right over Rin's pout and leaving no room for objections, "I need you to think about what it is you want out of this, cuz' fucked if I understand it. Tell me what you want and what you don't want. If I cross a line, do NOT hesitate to let me know."

            Rin sighed, but nodded. He didn't like over analyzing everything, but it was a perfectly reasonable rule.

            "Number 3. Outside of cram school, you do what I say, when I say."

            Rin opened his mouth to protest, but then bit his tongue. This was what he wanted, wasn't it? He thought about it for a second, and Ryuuji waited, watching him mull it over. "Um... I won't argue too much, but... I want you... to make me..." he said, blushing bright red and staring down at his lap.

            "Okay, in that case we need a safe word."

            "A whozawhatza?"

            "A safe word... It's a distinctive word you use in place of words like "no" or "stop." Like the other day, you said I couldn't kiss you, but you actually wanted me to."

            "I didn't want you to _kiss_ me specifically, I just wanted you to do it without permission," Rin interrupted to clarify.

            "That's beside the point," Ryuuji interjected with a scowl, "The safe word is what you'll say when you actually mean no."

            Rin pondered this for a moment, chewing on his lip. "I don't know... I feel like that won't be as exciting."

            "It wouldn't be that different from the past two times. You'd just have a specific way of letting me know you really want me to back off."

            "But I don't really want you to back off."

            Ryuuji's blushed. "Maybe not, but if you really didn't want to do something, there's no way realistically that I could force you. ... Actually, this is supposed to keep you safe, but the more I think about it, the more I think it's for my benefit."

            "Huh?"

            "Think about it. You might say you don't want a way out, but you're way stronger than me. You _always_ have a way out. I wouldn't be surprised if you could snap a pair of police grade handcuffs in half. You are already in a fairly safe position, because I can only do stuff you specifically let me do. Now, imagine I think you want me to proceed, but you actually don't. If I keep pushing it cuz' I think you want me to, you could end up hurting me while getting me to stop."

            "I guess..." Rin said, pouting. Ryuuji watched him as he stared off in to the distance, not really looking at anything specific, clearly thinking Ryuuji's words through and trying to figure out his own desires. Ryuuji watched him, chewing on his thumb as he thought about it. Sunlight was dancing through the leaves in the tree above them, playing off Rin's hair, and Ryuuji reached up to stroke Rin's hair with the back of his hand, but Rin flinched away harshly. Ryuuji ground his teeth, and then tried to close the distance again.

            "Safe word."

            "...What?"

            "I want you to stop, for real," Rin said, still leaning away from Ryuuji's hand.

            "But!... Why?" Ryuuji growled, hiding his hurt behind anger. Why could he cum on his face, but not touch his hair?

            Rin sighed, running his hands through his hair, like he could feel Ryuuji's touch on him and was trying to brush it away nervously. "I dunno'... It makes me uncomfortable. Especially out here," he said glancing over his shoulder.

            "Afraid someone might see?"

            "Yeah, I guess so... I'm not gay, so I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea." Rin said, and then looked over to see Ryuuji gaping at him with incredulous disbelief written all over his face.

            “Are you bi?”

            “No.”

            "Are you fucking with me?" Ryuuji snapped

            "No, I'm serious!"

            "After everything we've done? How can you say you're not gay!?"

            "I don't know, I just... I just know, okay? I still like women, but ... I told you, I like this too," Rin said hanging his head and staring down at his hands.

            Ryuuji sighed, leaning over the back of the bench _,_ watching Rin nervously glance up at him. He was obviously contrite about not being able to return Ryuuji's feelings, but did that make everything okay? Ryuuji actually liked Rin, so the question was whether or not he was okay simply remaining friends/closeted fuck buddies without hoping for anything more.

"I can't believe you used "safe word" as your safe word..." Ryuuji muttered, breaking the awkward silence

            "What's wrong with it?!"

            Ryuuji shook his head. "It's actually very like you. Just... Most people use words like "red light" or something."

            "That makes sense... Wait, what do you mean _most people_?"

            "Never mind," Ryuuji said quickly, waving him off. He didn’t really want Rin to know he’d be researching all of this. Researching him. "Lunch is almost over anyways. We should probably actually go eat," he said, standing and dusting off his pants.

            "Actually..." Rin trailed off, looking up at him hesitantly, "I was hoping we could... you know..." he trailed off, blushing.

            Ryuuji stared hard at him for a moment, one eyebrow raised, before turning sharply on his heel and heading back towards the school. _The hell am I getting myself in to?_

"Come," he said simply, knowing that Rin was watching him.

            "What do you think I am? A dog?" Rin spat, but he quickly stood and fell in step behind the other boy as Ryuuji failed to answer his complaint. Despite his protests his pulse was already quickening. Ryuuji's demeanor had softened towards Rin whenever they were alone, ever since he'd actually told him how he felt, but during their little play sessions it was like he was back to his normal control freak self. Silently they walked through the school as Ryuuji led Rin down one hallway and up another, slowly making his way up in to the massive spiraling school.

            Still following Ryuuji, having long since lost track of where they were, Rin sighed silently and reached up to touch his cheek where Ryuuji had almost touched him. It wasn't like he didn't like the kinder Ryuuji, it just made him feel ...guilty? But Rin's request appeared to have worked.

They'd gone from sitting on a bench under a tree like a lovey-dovey couple in a stupid pastoral painting to ... to... Where were they going? The school was so massive he'd certainly never explored the whole thing, and now he wasn't quite sure where they were. It didn't matter. Ryuuji was back to wearing his typical trademarked scowl. The one that says "I'm in charge. Don't fuck with me," and he hadn't spoken to Rin since giving him that one firm command, confidant that Rin was following obediently without even needing to look over his shoulder to check. He only stopped when they approached a stairwell with yellow tape blocking off access and a sign that read "Renovations Underway: No Entry". Ryuuji didn't even hesitate as he stepped over the tape. Rin had only a second to consider how unlike him it was to ignore the rules, before he was hopping over the tape as well, and they ascended the stairwell and emerged in a windowed hallway overlooking the school grounds, littered with construction materials and devoid of human life. They were finally, really alone.

            "So... uh, now what?"

            "Now you strip?"

            "What?! I'm not going to do that!"

            "Eh, suit yourself," Ryuuji said with a shrug as he turned to leave.

            "Wait! Aren't you... aren't you going to make me do it?"

            "No... Frankly, I ain't got time for that. There's only like 10 minutes left in lunch, and I haven't eaten anything."

            "I... Grr... Ugh, okay Wait! I'll do it!" Rin begrudgingly admitted defeat after quickly warring with himself. Ryuuji grinned to himself before smoothing his expression and turning back to Rin. There was more than one way to get what you wanted. Sometimes Rin was just too easy.

            Ryuuji watched as Rin threw his school jacket down unceremoniously on the ground, before loosening his tie and slipping the knot over his head. When he got to unbuttoning his shirt, he slowed. They'd had their dicks in each other's mouths, but somehow stripping for Ryuuji made the idea of being naked in front of the other boy totally different. He felt like he was on display, and the predatory smile on the other boy's face wasn't helping. Or maybe it was helping, because as hot and uncomfortable as Rin felt, he was getting hard, and he could spot the exact moment that Ryuuji noticed as well, his eyes locking momentarily on to the half demon's crotch. Ryuuji's eyes appeared to be devouring every inch of him as they slowly moved over his body, enjoying his own personal strip tease. With the buttons undone, Rin slipped the shirt off over his shoulders and let it fall the floor. Ryuuji licked his lips as Rin's hands moved to his belt, slowly fumbling with the buckle above the bulge in his pants. Once undone, he pulled the belt off, dropped it on top of the slowly growing pile of clothing, and hesitantly unzipped his pants. He was bent over, with one leg pulled half way through the pant leg when Ryuuji suddenly strode over, grabbed Rin's face and leaned down to kiss him roughly.

            With one leg off the ground, Rin had to latch on to Ryuuji's waist or risk falling over at the sudden rough movements. The kiss was rough and fast. Ryuuji sucked on Rin's lower lip, gently tugging on it with his teeth, before release him. Blushing, heart pounding, and still clutching at Ryuuji's waist to keep his balance, Rin stared up at him in shock.

            "Keep going," Ryuuji said, and Rin snapped back to his senses, stepping away to finish removing his pants. He kicked them off in to the nearby pile, and then stood there awkwardly, with his thumbs in the waistband of his boxers, shying away from taking the final step and being completely naked at school. Ryuuji snorted, amused by the sight of Rin wearing nothing but his underwear, and his school dress shoes. Rin blushed, glaring at the other boy defiantly.

            "Good enough. You can stop. Move over by the window."

            Rin glanced over at the windows lining the hallway before hesitantly moving towards it and looking out. They were about four stories up, the people below looked small, but still clearly visible. That meant he was visible. It wasn't too bad though, since the bottom of the window was placed about mid-torso, only his chest and up was visible, but still, being topless in school would be pretty suspicious if anyone did happen to look up.

            Rin was about to ask for further instructions when a hand on the back of his head roughly pushed him forward, pressing his cheek against the cold glass. Rin brought his hands up against the glass to push himself away, but before he could protest another hand slid over his still clothed ass and down between his legs. Rin froze with a squeak as Ryuuji fondled his balls through the back of his boxer's leg opening, his arms going weak.

            Ryuuji leaned forward, planting a rough kiss on the back of Rin's neck, before scraping his teeth across the skin, moving down the side of Rin's neck. The smaller boy gasped as he bit him at the junction between neck and shoulder, just hard enough to leave an imprint of his teeth on Rin's flesh. Ryuuji warred with an overpowering urge to mark the half demon boy, to somehow lay claim to him, but knew it would be a superficial claim at best without Rin's consent. He kissed the bite mark, contenting himself with that even though he knew it wouldn't be visible for more than a few minutes.

            Removing his hand from Rin's boxers, he slid his hand back up over the smaller boy’s ass and then took hold of his squirming tail, causing Rin to choke on a groan in surprise. His grip on Rin's tail was firm, tight, but gentle, as if he were holding a small squirming animal. Rin tried to turn his head, but Ryuuji applied more pressure to both his head and his tail as a warning and Rin froze. Ryuuji rewarded him by easing up the pressure on his tail, and began stroking it with his thumb, right where the tail connected with his back.

            "Ah! ah..." Rin moaned, thrusting his ass back against Ryuuji's hand.

            "I knew your tail was sensitive, but this is something else," He said, chuckling in to Rin's ear, breathing hotly over his skin and causing him to shiver.

            "Fffffuuuuck you," Rin hissed, his breath tight with pleasure.

            "You know, I'd like that," he said, releasing Rin's tail and moving his arm around Rin's waist to cup the front of his strained boxers, pressing his whole body against the smaller boy and grinding his hips against Rin's ass. Rin whined at the feeling of Ryuuji's erection pressed up against him, hot and hard even through his school uniform.

            "Would you let me do that?" he asked with a chuckle, "I mean, if I _forced_ you to let me?"

            Rin turned to glare over his shoulder wordlessly, but pressed back against him. Ryuuji moved his hand from the back of Rin's head, placing it around his neck in something like a loose choke hold as he used the weight of his entire body to press Rin forward against the cold glass. Rin gasped at the cold contact against his chest and let his head fall back against the taller boy's shoulder with a shallow moan as Ryuuji continued to lazily grope him, gripping the whole length of his cock and jerking him off through the fabric of his boxers, grunting with every thrust as he continued to grind against the smaller boy.

            They both jumped as the bell chimed, signalling the end of lunch.

            "Oh, damn it," Rin said breathlessly. He tried to push away from the window, to stand up straight, but the larger boy pressed forward, preventing his escape.

            "What are you doing?" he asked, panic rising in his voice. He tied to look back over his shoulder, but was unable to do so with the arm around his neck. He could see people scurrying about down below—like an angry ant hill that someone had kicked over—they came out of almost every possible door as people rushed to go from lunch to their next class.

            "What are you-?"

            "Shut up," Ryuuji said interrupting him, "Isn't it obvious?" He had picked up the pace of his arm, still roughly jerking Rin off as he humped his ass, his head down behind him, sucking and biting at the back of his neck. Rin twitched and shivered.

            "Someone might see us!" he said, trying to turn again. Ryuuji pressed him forward roughly.

            "No, someone will see _you_ ," he said, and Rin suddenly imagined what they must look like from below. When he had first been made to stand by the window, the fact that he wasn’t visible from the waist down had been a comfort, but he realized with a start that from below, he probably looked like he was being fucked in the ass. With his head thrown back over the arm around his neck, pressed against the glass and rocking roughly as Ryuuji ground in to his ass while he jerked him off, it probably looked like he was enjoying it.

            "And what'll you do if someone does see?" Ryuuji suddenly hissed in his ear, his hot breath sending a chill down Rin's spine.

            A spike of adrenaline pounded through Rin's veins as he groaned loudly, not bothering to hold his voice back in the empty hallway. All it would take was one person to simply look and see him, and they'd be caught, but what would he do? What could he do? He pressed against the window, panting roughly as he thrust his ass back against the taller boy, giving in to the moment instead of the fear. A loud, shrill, screeching noise rang out as Rin dug his nails in the glass of the window pane, drawing deep scratches across its surface.

            "Careful," Ryuuji growled in his ear. Rin flexed his hands, taking his claws off the glass. He hadn't even realized his claws had come out, and he tried to calm himself quickly, to make them go away, but it was a futile effort as Ryuuji continued to stroke him. Ryuuji could feel Rin's pulse with every twitch of his cock even through the light, grey, cotton fabric that separated their skin.

            "B-bon... Please- I..." Rin groaned, right on the edge of orgasm and struggling to make the jump as he was rocked between Ryuuji's hips and his hand.

            "What?" His voice was demanding rather than questioning, telling Rin he knew full well what he wanted, but he'd have to ask for it first, to earn it, before Ryuuji would take mercy on him.

            "P-please... I'm so close..."

            "What do you want me to do about it?" Ryuuji growled directly in Rin's ear, demanding an answer before he began to nibble and suck on the pointed appendage.

            "Ah! Anything! S-skin... My tail... J-just get me off!" Rin panted roughly, hardly able to form a full sentence as he begged for release. Ryuuji groaned. The way Rin simply gave in to him, to his own neediness, was intoxicating. Just grinding against him, coupled with the sounds Rin was making and the way he begged for release was getting Ryuuji perilously close to his own orgasm. He removed his arm from around Rin's neck and snaked it down his back to palm Rin's tail, while slipping two fingers inside his boxers and down the length of his crack, groping his ass roughly.

            "Aah, no," Rin mewled a protest even as he thrust back in to Ryuuji's hand, but that was apparently all it took as he made a choking sound in the back of his throat and jerked against the taller boy. Ryuuji could feel Rin's cock pulsing through his boxers and the wet spot on his underwear grew drastically against Ryuuji's palm as Rin came hard, shivering against him.

            Desperate to quickly find his own release, Ryuuji moved his hands to Rin's hips so he could grind against him, biting down once more on the other boy's neck. Rin arched back in to him, but could scarcely do more than whimper as he was still coming down from his own high. It only took a few panting thrusts as Ryuuji sucked on the flesh of Rin's neck, feeling the other boy's pulse begin to calm, before he clutched Rin to him, pulling him close as he came, soiling on his own underwear. He panted roughly against Rin's neck, his breath ruffling the other boy's hair and he stepped away from Rin after he caught his breath, the other boy slumped to the floor in a panting mess. Ryuuji shifted his legs, trying to ignore the mess in his own pants as he held a hand out to the Rin, to help him up. Rin took it thankfully and stood on shaky legs as Ryuuji handed him his clothes so he could dress.

            “I’m going to the bathroom to clean up, but you better hurry on to class,” he said as he began to leave.

            “Wait!” Rin said, trying to reach out to Ryuuji while struggling to dress quickly, “I wanna’ get cleaned up too.”

            “You don’t have time. You’re already late.”

            “You’re just as late as me!” Rin said, giving chase and looking comical with his shirt half buttoned and his jacket slung over only one arm.

            Ryuuji stopped suddenly, almost causing Rin to collide with his back, before turning and helping the other boy finish buttoning his shirt. “I could miss an entire class and easily make it up on my own time. You can’t stand to miss even a second.”

            “I’m not that bad,” Rin huffed as Ryuuji straightened his tie and brushed the wrinkles from his jacket. His breath hitched in his throat as Ryuuji suddenly palmed the front of his pants. Rin could feel the hot mess there, quickly cooling, but still warm and wet.

            “You feel that?” Ryuuji said, leaning forward over Rin to whisper right in his ear, and he felt the smaller boy shiver under his touch. “I did that to you, because you asked me to. Now you’re going to go to class, and let it be a constant reminder about what you wanted. You can clean yourself up when you go home.”

            “But-” Rin was quick to protest, but it took him a moment to actually find an excuse, to try to back out of the order, “What if someone sees?”

            “That hasn’t stopped you so far,” Ryuuji said, smirking at Rin and enjoying the way he squirmed and scowled at his words, “Besides, the stain isn’t noticeable through black pants, and people are more liable to notice the hickies first anyway.”

            “What?!” Rin slapped a hand to his neck, as if to cover the evidence that Ryuuji had willfully planted there. The taller boy scowled. He grabbed Rin’s wrist and pulled his hand away so he could observe the damage. As he’d thought, the hickies and bite marks were almost entirely faded already, but he wasn’t going to tell Rin that. He grabbed Rin’s jaw firmly, making sure the shorter boy was looking directly at him.

            “Don’t make me repeat myself,” he said keeping his voice low and commanding, “Go to class. Clean up when you get home. Do you understand?” He released his grip on Rin’s face only so the other boy could give a shaky nod.

            “Good,” he said, before turning and walking purposefully from the hallway without looking back. He had no idea if Rin followed through on orders like that when he was no longer there to enforce them. He had a feeling he did though. It felt good.


	5. A Precarious Position

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin and Ryuuji are keeping their distance from each other to avoid suspicion, but they're finding it harder and harder to make time to sneak away and fool around. Chance gives them an opportunity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blurg, updates are slowing down for a little bit. I'm having trouble with the chapter I'm currently working on and I'm in the home stretch for this school semester, so I got boring essays to write and studying to do... Sorry!  
> Thanks again to everyone who keeps reading and reviewing~!

            Rin and Ryuuji fell in to a somewhat uncomfortable pattern. They were able to keep up the facade of normalcy to the point that no one had asked any further questions about either of their behaviours, but it was coming at the expense of their friendship and it was taking a toll on both of them. Every couple of days they would make time to meet outside of school or sneak away during lunch together, but it wasn't enough to satisfy Rin. Ryuuji actually had to put a stop to it half the time, and he could see that Rin was getting progressively more and more frustrated. He didn't know if it had something to do with being a half demon, or if it was just the way Rin was, but he seemed to be horny all the time, and Ryuuji was sure that if Rin could have his way they'd be meeting up more than once a day. Not that he minded, but sneaking around sucked. Hiding everything from his friends, always having to maintain control while they fooled around, yet having to fight for every scrap of affection he could get was exhausting.

            "I can't skip lunch with Shima and Koneko every day," he hissed under his breath when Rin had tried to snag him before he could meet up with the other two boys. Ryuuji was honestly surprised by how quickly Rin had committed his class schedule to memory when he could barely memorize a single bible verse without stumbling over it.

            "Well, what about after school?" Rin whined, clutching at the sleeve of Ryuuji's uniform.

            “That would be just as suspicious. I share a room with Shima. He's gonna' notice something's up sooner or later."

            "Can't you just say you're going jogging or something?" Rin huffed, sounding frustrated.

            "I jog in the morning. He'd notice, unless you wanna’ meet up at 6:00 in the morning," Ryuuji asked sarcastically, knowing Rin wouldn’t like that alternative.

            "Fine," Rin scowled petulantly as he sighed, letting the argument drop as he released his grasp on Ryuuji's sleeve. He cast one last glance at Ryuuji, as if trying to come up with some last ditch argument that could convince the other boy, before trotting off to join Shiemi for lunch. That was the other part of the problem. Their normal routine meant that Rin was still sitting next to Shiemi in cram school lessons, and now that they were keeping a distance from each other to avoid arousing suspicion he ate lunch almost exclusively with her instead of the guys. He still lit up when she entered the room, and fawned over her shy, but bubbly personality. Ryuuji knew it wasn't her fault. She was a capable exorcist, but there was just something about her that screamed "protect me" and Rin ran to her every time Ryuuji turned him away. He didn’t think Rin was doing it on purpose, but every second he watched them spend together felt like Rin was deliberately digging his claws in to Ryuuji's heart.

            It was the same thing that day too. As usual Rin was the last student to arrive to class, barely on time, and he stopped at the front of the desk he shared with Shiemi to talk to her, practically wagging his tail as he greeted her.

            Ryuuji grit his teeth and then stood without a word to either Shima or Konekomaru. He ignored their questions as he walked toward Rin, grabbing his shoulder.

            "Can I talk to you quickly?" he said, pulling Rin in to the hall. He took them a few feet away from the door so he knew they'd be out of ear shot, and then glanced up and down the hall quickly, making sure their teacher wasn't approaching.

            "Could you... could you not flirt with her?" he asked when he was sure they were in the clear. He had been hesitant to ask, despite being alone. Rin had made his feelings clear to Ryuuji, but it was getting really hard for Ryuuji to watch while trying to maintain an attitude of indifference.

            "I ain't flirting with her, I'm just being nice," Rin said coldly with a stubborn scowl, "You don't want me to be mean to her, do you? People would notice if I suddenly changed my attitude towards her. It would be suspicious," he said, almost mocking the other boy as he threw Ryuuji’s own excuse back in his face.

            Ryuuji stared at him in shock, before releasing him so they could both return to class. "...Whatever," he said with a scowl and tried to console himself with the fact that Rin hadn't outright confessed to liking her. He didn't have to, but Ryuuji felt that the longer Rin held off against admitting it openly, the longer Ryuuji could hold on to whatever it was they had together.

            Ryuuji was still trying to do research on Rin when he found some spare time alone, but they had so little time together they didn’t have a chance to talk, and every interaction with Rin had him feeling both a little bit closer and a bit further away from understanding what the other boy actually wanted. He needed to find some excuse for them to meet privately that no one would question so they wouldn't have to keep sneaking around.

            His thoughts were cut short as their Aria teacher walked in, signalling the start of class. Ryuuji opened his textbook to where they'd left off and tried to put his problems out of mind. He listened to the teacher drone on, effortlessly taking notes and answering the occasional question when called on. Rin and Shiemi were still talking, and Shima would occasionally twist in his seat to bother Izumo, or attempt to write an obscene message in the margins of Ryuuji's notebook before he could swat his hand away. He tried to ignore the other voices around him. During Exwire training the lesson was the only thing that mattered, or so he kept reminding himself. He was completely caught off guard when the teacher suddenly shouted, breaking the monotony of her recitations.

            "Shima-kun! Okumura-kun! I know you're both young men, but class is not the place for flirting!"

            Ryuuji looked up from his notebook. Shima was half turned in his seat with a guilty smile on his face, while Izumo had her head down as she stared at her notebooks, a look of bland annoyance on her face as she tried to ignore the pink haired boy's attention. Shiemi was blushing madly, trying to hide her face behind her hands as Rin stuttered a half-hearted apology.

            "No excuses! I want the two of you to switch seats right now," she said firmly.

            Ryuuji's gut did a little flip flop as both Shima and Rin grumbled, hurrying to pack up their belongings and swap seats.

            "Good," the professor said with a huff, "Now we might be able to get some work done without further interruptions!" She then went back to her lecture, stumbling over her thoughts for a moment as she tried to remember where she'd left off on reminding them for the nth time why enunciation and force of will were so important when reciting.

            Ryuuji kept his eyes on his own paper as Rin settled in next to him. He was suddenly conscious of the fact that this was the closest they'd been together for more than a few moments while in the presence of others, since they'd actively been avoiding each other during cram school to avoid drawing attention to themselves.

            He glanced over at the other boy, only to see Rin was already watching him. Their eyes darted apart and Ryuuji felt himself growing warm. He looked back down at his notes as he tried to refocus on the teacher's voice. Rin had his chin propped in his hand and was staring at the front of the class with a bored expression. His tail swished back and forth behind him, as if he was physically incapable of sitting still and simply had to get the energy out through any means possible. Ryuuji felt the tail brush past his lower back, and he glanced at Rin, but the other boy was staring blankly at their teacher and didn't appear to be doing it on purpose. A few more minutes of writing notes and Izumo was called on to answer a question, doing so correctly without hesitation and receiving the teacher's praise. If only Shima would pay that much attention to his Aria studies, since that was apparently the Meister he was aiming for. Ryuuji glanced across the class towards the pink haired boy and found him now trying to engage Shiemi—apparently any female will do. No wonder Izumo keeps blowing him off—but then he noticed Rin was looking in that direction as well, glaring daggers at the back of Shima's head. Ryuuji felt his own brow crease in annoyance. Not only had Rin not taken a single note since switching seats, he couldn't take his eyes off Shima and Shiemi, like he was angry at the other boy for stepping in to his territory. Apparently agitated, Rin's tail brushed past the back of Ryuuji's head in a wide swinging arc, disturbing his hair and making him flinch. He still wasn't doing it on purpose, but come on!

            Ryuuji wrestled with the brief urge to snatch Rin's tail out of the air and strangle him with it, but then a better idea came to him—One that would draw much less attention, but would be ten times as fun. It was risky, but it all depended on how Rin played it.

            He scrawled a quick message in the margin of his notebook, and nudged Rin, getting his attention. Rin glanced at him, and then down at the page, reading the message.

            _Put your tail in my lap._

            Rin's head snapped up to look at Ryuuji with a panicked expression, shaking his head. His tail stopped thrashing, slinking down under his chair to curl around his leg like a scared animal.

            Ryuuji glared at him, a look that said _Do it_ , as he tapped his pen against the note for emphasis. Rin hunched his shoulders, glancing around nervously, trying to subtly see if anyone was watching. The teacher had her back to the class as she wrote something on the board, and Shima was busy trying to quietly flirt with Shiemi. Konekomaru was seated on the opposite side of Ryuuji, but had his eyes locked on the teacher like a diligent student. Izumo shot him a glare when he turned in his seat, but then put her nose up to stare past him to the front of the class. Takara was sitting at the back of the room with his eyes closed as per usual. Beyond that, no one was paying him the slightest bit of attention.

            Rin looked back at Ryuuji and received an impatient, expectant look. He sunk down in to his chair, trying to make himself even less noticeable as he slowly uncurled his tail and snaked it up in to Ryuuji's lap. He watched with nervous anticipation as Ryuuji smiled triumphantly and then turned his attention back to the front of the class, still taking notes like the diligent student he was. At first he didn't do anything, and Rin was confused. Maybe he just wanted to keep it from flailing around, but then he could have just told Rin to stop. Unsure of what to do, he began to withdraw his tail, pulling it back down to the floor, but before he could Ryuuji caught his tail with his left hand without moving his eyes from the front of the room. Rin flinched at the sudden pressure, but it wasn't painful. He was just holding it firmly in his lap, preventing its escape. And then slowly, almost imperceptibly, Ryuuji began massaging his tail with his thumb. It was just a light pressure, down near the tip of the tail, but Rin began to break out in a light sweat as that familiar knot of pleasure began to build in his gut. It wasn't much, just a slow burn, but he hoped to god his expression didn't give anything away.

_Look normal_ he thought as he fumbled for his pencil and tried to start taking notes.

            Ryuuji on the other hand had an almost bored look on his face as he continued to effortlessly take notes, eyes forward, the perfect image of a model student. Rin almost choked on his own spit when the teacher called on Ryuuji, but he answered her question without hesitation, his thumb still innocently massaging small circles against Rin's tail.

            One hand gripped the desk tightly as the other tried to write, but Rin was having trouble hearing the teacher over the sound of his blood pounding in his ears. He hunched over against the desk, trying to do something to hide his burgeoning erection and actually winced as Ryuuji began digging in with the rest of his fingers, scratching lightly through the fur on his tail and sending a shiver down Rin's spine.

            "A-ah!" he moaned and then bit his lip, eyes wide in panic as people turned to look at him.

            "Okumura-kun, are you alright?" The teacher asked him, "You look flushed."

            "I'm fine!" he answered a bit too quickly, but it was enough and she nodded, turning to continue to write on the board.

            Rin shot Ryuuji a glare, only to be met with a smug smirk as the other boy continued to stroke his tail. Rin raised a clenched fist to his mouth, biting his knuckle and trying to hold back any further sounds. He was panting now, sweating openly as he tried to ride it out, but at this rate he'd never get off! Not that he wanted to orgasm in the middle of class with everyone watching, and then have to try to sneak off with a mess in his pants, but he didn't want to sit and suffer through a painfully teasing erection either.

            "Okumura-kun?"

            "Y-yes?"

            "Are you sure you don't want to go to the nurse's office?"

            "I said I'm fine!"

            "Then please recite the indicated passage," the teacher said with a huff.

            "W-wha?" Rin froze, turning pale. He hadn't been paying attention, hadn't even realized he'd been called on. What passage was she...?

            "Here, dumbass," Ryuuji said sliding his bible forward and pointing to the passage Rin was supposed to read. Rin shot him a glare at the insult, like it wasn't his fucking fault Rin wasn't paying attention.

            He looked down to where Ryuuji was pointing, tried to catch his breath and licked his lips to wet them.

            "B-but the Lord s-said unto me, s-say not, I am a-Ah!" he stuttered, stumbling over his words with a moan as Ryuuji dug his fingers in to his flesh. He shot the other boy a burning look as he cursed under his breath, trying to continue. "S-say not, I am a child: F-for thou shalt go to all that I shall s-send thee, and whatever I c-command thee thou shalt speak."

            The teacher was tutting over his poor enunciation as he continued to stutter, and Rin could feel everyone's eyes burning him. Only Ryuuji appeared to have his eyes forward, but he sighed disdainfully, giving the impression that he was too bored to care that Rin was once again butchering the passage.

            "B-be not afraid of their f-faces: for I am-! Ung!" Rin groaned, tears stinging his eyes, and he buckled over against the desk as Ryuuji dug his fingers in to the soft flesh of his tail. _Fucker!_ It actually hurt! Rin tried to yank his tail away, but Ryuuji kept a firm grip on it, loosening his grasp just enough so it no longer hurt and going back to massaging the squirming appendage, but preventing Rin’s tail from escaping.

            _He's doing it on purpose!_ Rin glared balefully at him and Ryuuji simply raised an eyebrow in question, playing it innocent like he had no idea what Rin's problem was.

            "Okumura-kun, I think I'm going to have to insist you visit the nurse. You don't appear well at all."

            "I said I'm f-fine!" he snapped, though it was obviously not true as he was bright red, sweating, panting, and hunched over against the desk. He probably looked like he was in pain, but he couldn't stand up, not now, or everyone would really see what his problem was.

            "Idiot, just go to the fucking nurse and stop disrupting class!" Ryuuji barked at him, and Rin flinched away from him.

            "You bastard! You-" Rin bit his lip, trying to hold back another moan and his impending panic. He had no idea what to do, with both the teacher and Ryuuji telling him to leave, but he'd have been fine in the first place if not for what Ryuuji was doing to him and that asshole was insulting him and blaming him when it was his own damn fault!

            "Fine, leave it to me to always have to deal with you!" Ryuuji said as he released Rin's tail, and without even thinking of what Ryuuji might have meant, Rin yanked his tail away from the other boy defensively, only for Ryuuji to yank him out of his seat by his arm and throw him over his shoulder in a fireman's carry.

            "P-p-put me down, you fucking gorilla!" Rin shouted, kicking his legs, but his efforts were instantly weakened as blood rushed to his head, making him dizzy enough to think he might pass out for a split second. He clutched at the back of Ryuuji's shirt, his boner painfully pressed against the older boy's shoulder, but at least no one could see it. They were making quite the scene, but this sort of physical confrontation was more like what people expected of them than the odd distance that had seemingly grown between them lately, and at least this way he could escape class without being branded a pervert.

            "Sorry for the interruption," Ryuuji said, nodding his head to the teacher as he carried Rin out of the room. The half demon was still kicking, but it was a half-hearted effort, one made out of sheer embarrassment rather than an actual desire to be released.

 

            "You can put me down now," Rin said when they had cleared the classroom, but Ryuuji kept walking with one arm slung around Rin's chest, holding him in place. "I said put me down!" he said as he started kicking again.

            "Nope," Ryuuji said, tightening his grip on the other boy. Rin flailed as he marched him down the empty hallway.

            "I don't need to go to the fucking nurse!"

            "I know," Ryuuji said smugly as he opened a door and stepped in to an empty classroom, locking the door behind him. Rin froze, trying to get a look at their surroundings from his vantage point half way down Ryuuji's back, before he was unceremoniously dumped on to the top of a vacant desk, knocking the wind out of his lungs.

            He tried pushing himself up in to a sitting position, but before he could, Ryuuji had his legs flipped up over his shoulders and was beginning to paw at his crotch. Rin gasped, almost with relief to have direct contact on his cock after having his tail teased for so long. Dizzy and with his heart hammering in his chest, Rin gripped the edge of the desk as Ryuuji took hold of his hips and bent down between his legs, using his teeth to sensually pull down the zipper that was trapping him inside his stuffy uniform dress pants.

            "Have I ever told you I love the way you smell?" Ryuuji asked him suddenly, burying his face against the cotton boxers still holding back his erection and breathing deeply.

            "S-s-shut up pervert!" Rin gasped, blushing hotly. Looking down the length of his body, he could see Ryuuji with his head between his legs. The other boy looked up at him, face still pressed against his crotch, but a smug smile was evident in his smoldering eyes, and Rin had to look away, holding back a groan as Ryuuji began to mouth at his cock through his boxers.

            "S-stop teasing me!"

            "I thought I was the one who gave the orders," he said with low chuckle that reverberated through Rin's body, before opening his mouth and placing his teeth gently against Rin's fabric covered flesh.

            "Hey, what-? Ah!" Rin gasped as Ryuuji increased the pressure with his teeth. "S-sorry!" Rin panicked, apologizing as if this was supposed to be some sort of punishment and trying to push his head away, but with Ryuuji's grip on Rin's hips he had the better vantage point, and with his teeth on Rin's cock, the smaller boy didn't dare squirm.

            "A-ah! Red light! Red light!" Rin blurted out, and Ryuuji instantly released the pressure, replacing teeth with lips. That was what he'd been waiting for as he slowly testing the limits of what Rin wanted.

            Even after their talk, after telling Rin to think about what he wanted, the other boy hadn't come back with any sort of explanation or requests, and Ryuuji was fairly certain Rin had completely forgotten to even think about it.

            So pain was out, at least real pain. Rin hadn't complained about him biting anywhere else, though he wasn't surprised. Rin had described the appeal of all this as being like the thrill of battle, without the physical punishment that came with it, but Ryuuji knew it went deeper than that. Being dominated was the only positive aspect that Rin had actually tried to put in to words, to rationalize it, but Ryuuji was fairly certain he got off on being humiliated as well. He had said as much about their first encounter, and he'd never once red lighted any of their public play— though that could have meant exhibitionism, rather than a penchant for being humiliated… or maybe it was the same thing. Ryuuji still had no idea—even now, letting Ryuuji play with his tail in the middle of class seemed to be a big indicator that he liked it. Though he wasn't certain if Rin hadn't protested very much out of fear of being caught or because he actually wanted it, but he could have put a stop to it right from the start by simply refusing to hand over his tail. There wasn’t anything Ryuuji could have done to force the issue without drawing attention to himself… But maybe Rin just didn’t think that far ahead. Ah! This was too damn complicated.

            Ryuuji removed a hand from Rin's hip to help coax his cock out through the front of his boxers, and he felt Rin tensing in anticipation. The look on the other boy's face was hungry and frustrated, as if he wanted to say something again, but feared receiving more teeth in retaliation. He didn't have to worry though. Ryuuji flashed him a smug smirk before placing his open mouth against the base of Rin's cock, between the shaft and balls, and began languorously sucking the hot flesh. Rin groaned, gripping the desk and throwing his head back as he clamped his legs around Ryuuji's head. Rin jumped as Ryuuji's free hand found his tail once more, this time closer to the base, and he began stroking the sinuous muscle, continuing where he'd left off in class. Rin was dizzy, hot. Blood was rushing to his head as he hung backwards off the edge of the desk, clutching to it, and to Ryuuji, for safety. He stifled a groan as Ryuuji began to lick up the shaft of his cock, trailing his tongue up the length of his flesh before teasing the tip lightly by swirling his tongue around it. Rin hadn't realized how much he missed the hot, wet, warmth of Ryuuji's mouth. He liked everything they did, but he hadn't felt Ryuuji's mouth on his cock since their first night together. Rin panted, openly moaning and thrashing his head from side to side as Ryuuji's mouth engulfed him, still slowly teasing its way back down the length of his cock, and he thought he might cum right then as Ryuuji made a swallowing motion, his tongue and the edge of his throat flexing from the base of Rin's cock to the tip, as if trying to wring an orgasm out of him. Rin actually cried out in protect when Ryuuji's mouth left his flesh. _He'd just started!_

            Ryuuji stood up, having to untangle himself from the legs Rin had locked behind his head first, and began to unbuckle Rin's belt, loosening his pants just enough to tug them up his hips.

            "What are you doing?" Rin asked breathlessly. The sound of Ryuuji's belt and zipper being undone was his only answer, before he felt the sudden heat and firmness of Ryuuji's cock slapping against his upturned ass.

            "Red light!" Rin squirmed, and Ryuuji sighed.

            "What now?" Ryuuji asked, barely restraining his irritation. This was the part that was confusing. There were certain boundaries he knew he was testing, certain responses he was expecting, but other times Rin put on the breaks without warning, and half the time Ryuuji had no idea why, like the time at the park when he'd tried to touch Rin's hair.

            "D-don't... put it in," Rin said, his voice quiet, pleading, almost as if he expected Ryuuji to ignore him.

            Ryuuji sighed, trying to force his irritation down. He didn't like that he'd apparently given Rin the impression that he didn't respect the safe word, because what was the point in having it if Rin didn't trust him. On the other hand, it annoyed him when Rin used it for things Ryuuji considered frivolous.

            "I wasn't going to," he finally said, and it was the truth. He may have been a virgin, technically, but he knew enough to know you didn't just shove it in. He'd done more than enough research to know they were a long way off, maybe even further than he thought if Rin was red lighting him. He leaned down over Rin, grinding their crotches together, eliciting a moan from the smaller boy. He gripped Rin's face roughly and looked him in the eyes. " _When_ I do," he said, emphasising the ‘when’, not ‘if’, "You'll enjoy it. I'll make sure of it." And Rin groaned, deep in his chest as Ryuuji leaned over him and reached between them, holding their erections together and beginning to stroke them as one.

           Rin was bucking against his hand, panting wantonly, trying to find any friction to bring him closer to release, looking up at Ryuuji with begging eyes. Ryuuji's own eyes were drawn to his lips, parted slightly as a tongue darted out to wet them. He wanted to kiss him, to close the circuit between them, but Rin's clothes were in the way. He stopped, pulling back just long enough to tug Rin's pants off one leg, before leaning back in to him. Rin turned his head away as he approached, but Ryuuji brushed away his annoyance. He was used to this little song and dance now. Gripping Rin's chin he turned his face back towards him before kissing him hungrily, swiping his tongue across Rin's lips and demanding entrance. Rin gasped, opening his mouth to return the kiss and tilting his head to give Ryuuji better access. He released the desk with shaky hands, wrapping them around Ryuuji and clinging to his jacket as the older boy continued to stroke them off at the same time. Rin's cock was hot in his hand and Ryuuji could feel the smaller boy's pulse beating frenetically as he rocked gently against him. His own breath was coming quicker, and he grunted with every thrust while Rin squirmed, locking his legs behind Ryuuji's back to try to bring them closer together and give himself leverage to thrust up in Ryuuji's hand.

            Ryuuji pulled away from the kiss, just the barest of hair breadths between their swollen mouths, to look Rin in the eye.

            "Say my name," Ryuuji panted breathlessly, and Rin looked at him quizzically through lust addled eyes. "Say my name!"

            "N-no..." Rin said, and Ryuuji felt a sharp pain in his gut at the refusal.

            "Say it!" Ryuuji barked, moving his hand from Rin's face down to his throat and leaning in to pin Rin against the desk even though he already had the smaller boy trapped beneath his body.

            "R-red-"

            "Don't!

            Rin snapped his mouth shut and they both froze, halting their fevered movements. Ryuuji released Rin's neck to wipe at his suddenly wet eyes.

            "Why won't you say it?" Ryuuji asked, his breath barely a whisper as he covered his face with his hand. "You can say you don't have feelings for me, but not saying my name doesn't make what we're doing any less real." He started to stand, to pull away from Rin, but the half demon tightened his hold on him, preventing his escape, and Ryuuji looked down at him with a confused frown.

            Rin was pouting angrily, biting his lip. He opened his mouth and took a deep breath as if to speak, but then let it huff out as a sigh as he glanced away from Ryuuji, a bright red blush spread across his cheeks. He was going to try.

            Ryuuji leaned in again, nuzzling at Rin's exposed neck. "Rin," he said, his breath ghosted across Rin's cheek, making him flinch. "Rin," he repeated the other boy's name, simply saying it, letting the sounds roll across his tongue. "Rin." He grazed his teeth across Rin's jugular, before sucking hungrily on the salty flesh, and Rin moaned, thrusting up in to his hand which was still holding their cocks together. Ryuuji had started to go soft, but at the sound of Rin's voice he felt a surge of renewed lust. He moved both his hands up to Rin's head, threading his fingers through his hair, moving his mouth to nibble at his jaw line.

            "Say it, please." He was begging now, whispering against Rin's skin.

            Rin was blushing madly, trying to look anywhere but at the boy before him, but he couldn't turn his head thanks to the strong grip of Ryuuji's hands. "R-Ryuu..." he trailed off, his mouth opening and closing like a fish.

            "Good enough," Ryuuji said with a slight sigh as he moved up to kiss Rin's already open mouth, his tongue venturing inside to probe the slick hole. Rin moaned in to the kiss, tightening his hold on Ryuuji as the older boy moved his hand back down to their connected groins. "I'll give you your reward now," Ryuuji said after pulling just far enough away to speak against Rin's lips, before diving right back in to the kiss. Rin groaned and Ryuuji’s pace quickened as he ground himself against the boy beneath him, his hand quickly stroking their connected cocks. Rin mewled in to his mouth, squirming against him as his orgasm approached. Ryuuji could tell he was getting close by the fevered motions of the boy beneath him as Rin tried to find any leverage to increase the friction, to push himself up and over the edge. The half demon's tail was lashing about between them, and Ryuuji reached down with his free hand to grasp it and help give Rin that extra push. Working Rin from both ends, he didn't have long before the smaller boy suddenly arched his back off the desk, tensing like a coiled spring as he came. Ryuuji could feel every pulse of the other boy's cock with every spurt of semen that dribbled out over his hand to land on Rin's taught stomach.

            When Rin was finished, he sagged, loosening his hold on Ryuuji and letting his head fall back over the edge of the desk as he tried to catch his breath. He barely even noticed Ryuuji slipping out of his grasp until he felt something warm and wet squirming against his stomach. Grabbing the desk again to give himself leverage he looked up to see Ryuuji bent over him, tongue slipping out to lick up his cum. His muscles twitched and coiled with every touch of the other boy’s tongue and Rin had to look away, afraid he'd start to get hard again. He jumped when Ryuuji gave his over sensitive cock a quick lick as he finished cleaning him up, only for the other boy to stand up and wipe his mouth on the back of his sleeve. Rin pushed himself upright on shaky arms, still dizzy and out of breath, and noticed that Ryuuji was still hard as a rock and dripping pre-cum

            "What... what about you?" Rin asked, gesturing to his crotch.

            "…You can suck me off,” Ryuuji said casually, and then added, “If you want." He was making it clear he wasn't going to order Rin to do it. It wasn't going to be like the last two times. The other times he'd been pushing the boundary to see how much he could get away with. This time was to see what Rin would do willingly.

            Rin pouted, blushing as he looked away from Ryuuji. He thought he might have seen a flash of disappointment on the other boy's face, like he was let down that the little game of dominance had ended, but when he turned back he was chewing on his lip, glancing up at Ryuuji nervously as if he was considering it.

            "I guess... It would only be fair," Rin said while picking at his fingers, as if he was trying to rationalize it. Ryuuji tried not to jump for joy, or do anything outwardly that would make Rin back off as the smaller boy scooted off the desk. Ryuuji backed up, bracing himself against another desk as Rin sank to his knees in front of him. Rin looked up at him, blushing, before turning his gaze back towards the floor. Ryuuji knew that Rin had no inherent problem with sucking dick, since he'd done it numerous times now, but Ryuuji had no idea whether Rin's hesitation stemmed from an inability to get turned on unless he was being forced, or if he was afraid of admitting to emotional attachment or the simple act of liking to suck dick.

            Ryuuji let his head fall back as Rin took hold of his cock and slowly started to mouth at it. This would be the first time he was in control, the first time Ryuuji hadn't simply shoved it in his mouth.

            Almost tentatively, Rin kissed the tip, slowly taking it in to his mouth. Ryuuji shivered as Rin flexed his tongue, drawing it up the length of his cock before swirling it around the tip. Well, whatever Rin thought, in Ryuuji's opinion this was better than face fucking him. Being able to use someone else for your own pleasure had its perverted, erotic charm, but this? This just felt amazing. The amount of control Rin now had meant that Ryuuji felt every flex and flick of his tongue as it moved against him, could feel the ridges on the roof of his mouth and the suction as he hollowed his cheeks. And it didn’t hurt that Rin was doing it on his own. The half demon looked up at Ryuuji tentatively, before blushing and dropping his gaze back towards the floor, but the brief flash of total surrender in Rin’s eyes sent the butterflies in Ryuuji’s stomach soaring. He had already been achingly hard, so it didn't take long for Rin to get him off, his only warning an earnest grunt and the tensing of Ryuuji's legs.

            Ryuuji caught his breath with a gasp as he came down from the high of orgasm and looked down to see Rin swallowing before wiping his mouth. Rin looked up at him, blushed, and smiled tentatively before looking away as if embarrassed, and Ryuuji gave in to the desire to reach down and stroke Rin's hair, gently petting him.

            "Good boy," he said when Rin leaned in to his hand instead of tensing or pulling away like he’d done so many times before.

            "I aint' a dog," Rin huffed irritably, but he still didn't move away from Ryuuji's hand, leaning in further against his legs. Ryuuji just chuckled.

            "I'd better get back to class," Ryuuji said eventually, pulling away from Rin to tuck himself back in to his pants.

            "Always the perfect student," Rin said mockingly, and Ryuuji laughed. Yeah, some perfect student, skipping class for a good romp with his boyfriend... or was he a friend with benefits? Ryuuji had no idea what to call them, but tried not to let that thought bother him too much.

            "You, on the other hand, should thank me, since you get to skip the rest of class. I'll bring you any homework you miss out on," he finished with a smirk, watching Rin's smile falter, before the smaller boy stuck his tongue out at him. Ryuuji then left the room as Rin cleaned himself up, looking back over his shoulder fondly at the other boy before he began to head back to class.


	6. Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin's sexual frustration and neediness is approaching levels that have become noticable to the both of them. Ryuuji tries something new, unfortunately it just helps to further illustrate what's wrong with their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said this update would come late, but it came even later than I expected. Sorry~! Up until about a day ago I really didn't like this chapter, but I think I'm okay with it now.  
> Expect delays in the next release or so as well, since I'm in exam period right now. Ugh.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and reviewing. :3

            "Oi! Yukio, how was your day?" Rin asked, looking up from where he was lying on his bunk, reading the latest issue of Jump SQ as his brother entered their shared bedroom.

            Yukio spared him a glance as he crossed the room, depositing his book bag at his desk. "It was fine. Busy," he answered curtly, "How was yours?"

            "Can't complain," Rin said with a grin before turning back to his magazine.

            "Have you done your homework?"

            Rin tensed and looked up at Yukio hesitantly. "Uh, well..." Rin began, and Yukio scowled, instantly sensing the impending excuses. Rin's brain struggled in to overtime, trying to come up with some explanation for why he didn't have any of his textbooks or assignments with him, and he immediately hit a wall. He should have been playing sick to keep up the charade that had been started in class—That way he could have explained exactly why he'd left all his notebooks and textbooks in class and hadn't gone back for them—but it was much too late for that now.

            "I forgot my books at school," he finally admitted with a laugh, scratching the back of his head nervously, "So no, I haven't."

            Yukio sighed. "You didn't think to go back and get them?" he asked through gritted teeth. Caring for his brother was like caring for a small child.

            "Well... no, but-"

            "I don't need your excuses, Rin. Where did you leave them? At cram school?"

            "Yeah..." Rin admitted, bracing himself for his brother to lay in to him with his nagging.

            "Then you've got your key. It would take you less than five minutes to-"

            A knock at their bedroom door cut Yukio off, and Rin breathed an audible sigh of relief. Yukio shot him a glare, warning him they'd finish the conversation later, before opening the door to find Ryuuji standing alone in the darkened hallway with Rin's book bag slung over his shoulder.

            "Suguro-kun, is there something I can help you with?" Yukio asked curtly, trying to keep his voice even tempered.

            Ryuuji looked between the two of them questioningly, clearly either sensing the tension between the two brothers or perhaps having heard some of the argument through the door. "No... I've just brought Rin's things from class, since he left early-"

           

            Yukio turned on his brother, glaring sharply before Ryuuji could finish. "Nii-san! How do you expect to pass if you start skipping classes?!"

            "I wasn't skipping, I-"

            "Don't give me that! If you're not skipping, you're sleeping or goofing off. If I didn't nag you you'd never get anything done!"

            "Actually," Ryuuji interjected firmly before a fight could break out, feeling more than a little bit at fault for the situation, "The professor insisted he go to the nurse's office. He really wasn't looking well."

            Rin threw Ryuuji a strained, thankful smile, while Yukio eyed the both of them suspiciously. Rin looked fine now—his usual energetic self—and he hadn't been sick even once since his demon side awakened, but Ryuuji was one of his best students. Yukio had no reason to doubt him.

            "Still, this one instance doesn't change the fact that your grades are abysmal," Yukio continued as he adjusted his glasses, "I can't be around to look after you all the time. I'm already busy enough, both with my own studies and my work as a teacher, plus I always have to report to Vatican about you every time you use your flames-"

            "Augh! Enough already! I know, okay?" Rin said throwing his hands up in frustration.

            Ryuuji wished he could just slink away. Getting in the middle of a family fight was awkward enough, and he was basically the cause behind this one, both because it was his fault Rin had to leave class and he was feeling like it was also his fault that Yukio even found out about it.

            "I'm... just gonna' leave now. Sorry for intruding," Ryuuji mumbled awkwardly as he placed Rin's book bag on the floor by the door and slipped out quietly.

 

           

            Yukio and Rin barely acknowledged him as he left, still engrossed in their argument.

            "Why do you always have to insult me like that?!" Rin shouted, pointing accusingly at Yukio

            "I didn't say anything that wasn't true."

            "But why do you always have to say it in front of my friends? It's embarrassing!"

            "You should worry about your grades before worrying about your image," Yukio said, adjusting his glasses and going back to his paperwork as if that was the end of the argument.

            "Ugh! Whatever, moley four-eyes," Rin said. He threw himself down on to his bed, stewing quietly as he tried to forget his brother’s insufferable attitude, reminding himself that it had been worth it for the afternoon he’d had with Ryuuji.

           

* * *

 

            Witnessing the argument between Rin and Yukio had cemented a suspicion in Ryuuji’s head. He’d been tossing the idea around for a while now, but didn’t quite know how to ask Rin about it. When he saw Rin the next day at lunch, he knew. Rin was at his neediest when he was having a bad day. When he got a bad grade on a test, or was reprimanded for falling asleep in class, or got in to an argument with his brother, he would invariably turn up at Ryuuji’s side, grumpily trying to insist they find the time to fool around. Ryuuji did his best, but it was hard.

            Over the next few weeks, Ryuuji tried to formulate a plan so that Rin and he would be able to spend more time together, without having to sneak away or lie about what they were doing. The incident in class had given him the idea. It was the teacher who had Rin and Shima switch seats, and she'd even insisted Rin go to the infirmary, giving them the perfect alibi while they slipped away to play while everyone else was occupied. He needed an activity that he and Rin could do together that wouldn't raise suspicion, and he needed everyone else to think it was someone else’s idea.

            Studying was the obvious choice and Yukio would be the best person to suggest it, since he was always nagging Rin, and any other activity might be met with resistance if he thought it would harm his brother's grades. Maybe combat training? Ryuuji wasn't really sure what else they could do alone together that wouldn't draw further suspicion, especially since they'd been avoiding each other during class more than usual. The general consensus seemed to be that they'd come to terms with each other's presence, but did not wish to pursue a friendship of any kind. The number of fights had drastically dropped, but so had the number of basic friendly interactions. Their attempts to reduce suspicion were working against them and it was killing Ryuuji that he couldn't think of a single other activity they could do together that wouldn't draw suspicion. He wanted a normal relationship, like a normal teenager, and now they weren't even eating lunch together or hanging out. It was only after wracking his brain for days that Ryuuji realized his initial plan wasn’t going to work. The incident in class had been a stroke of pure luck, and he could wait forever before the perfect opportunity presented itself again.

            One afternoon in the cram school classroom, when Shima was trying to flirt with Shiemi before class had begun, Ryuuji was beginning to wonder if he should simply give up on his idea when he realized he didn’t need someone else to suggest the activity. He could be the one to suggest it, IF he could make everyone else think he had an entirely different motive.

            Rin rushed in to the classroom some twenty minutes later.

            “Damn, I almost made it,” he said with a cheeky grin when he saw his brother standing behind the podium at the front of the class.

            “There’s no almost,” Yukio said curtly, not even bothering to try to hide his annoyance, “You’re either on time or you’re not, now please take a seat so we don’t waste any more time.”

            Rin grumbled quietly about his brother’s perpetual grumpy attitude and quickly sat in his usual seat beside Shiemi, giving her a quick, quiet greeting as his brother started the lesson. He was too annoyed at Yukio to notice the flush on Shiemi’s cheeks or her unusually nervous, stuttered response. He’d gotten used to facing forward, never looking back at Ryuuji to avoid drawing unwanted attention, so he didn’t notice multiple pairs of eyes flicking their way throughout class, or the quiet whispered conversation going on behind them. In fact, he didn’t notice anything was up until class had ended.

            Shiemi went to talk to Yukio like she normally did. Rin assumed it was about the pharmacology test they’d gotten back during class. He quickly shoved his own test in to the bottom of his bag, as if hiding it would do any good when his teacher was the person he was trying to hide it from. His score was in the high 30s, and he knew he’d catch shit for it later over dinner, even though _he_ thought it was an improvement.

            “Moriyama-san, I’m more than happy to help you study,” Yukio said, affecting the even tempered voice of a model teacher, “But I’m busy with work lately, and I don’t think a private session at your house, followed by dinner, is entirely appropriate.”

            Rin glanced up at that, noting the distant tone of his brother’s voice and the mention of a private dinner. He felt his skin bristle, but he wasn’t sure if it was because Shiemi was trying to ask his brother out on a date instead of him, or because his brother was so quick to dismiss her affections. Stupid four eyes didn’t appreciate what he had.

            “I don’t want to inconvenience you,” Shiemi stuttered apologetically, but then glanced down at her open palm as if reading lines in a play, and forced herself to continue. “It’s just that my mother was saying you haven’t been over for a real visit in a while, and we wanted to thank you for your hard work.”

            “It’s just dinner, Sensei,” Shima suddenly called, “You’ve gotta’ eat anyway, so live a little. No one will hold it against you.” He sounded as if he was trying to hold back laughter, and Rin noticed that the Kyoto trio were all still sitting in their seats. They hadn’t even started packing up their books.

            Yukio glared at Shima before adjusting his glasses and turning his attention back to Shiemi. “Tell your mother I’d love to come over for dinner some time, but tonight I have to help Rin study. His score on the test was abysmal.”

            Rin opened his mouth to complain about his brother’s casual insults, but was cut off by another comment from the Kyoto trio.

            “I can help him study, Sensei.” This time the comment came from Ryuuji.

            “Thank you for the offer, Suguro-kun, but I don’t want my brother dragging down one of my best students.”

            “Shouldn’t be a problem,” Ryuuji said, having already prepared for further objections, “I’ve already got all my own work done, and they say that being able to teach a subject is the true measure of understanding it.”

            Yukio opened his mouth to protest, but was cut off by Shima before he could speak. “To be honest, Sensei, you teachers are always going on about us being a team, so shouldn’t we help each other?”

            It was only at that point that Rin was absolutely positive something was going on. He just had no idea what it was.

            Ryuuji on the other hand thought Yukio should be proud. He knew that Yukio would use his brother as an excuse. He knew that Shima would love to butt in and tease the uptight young teacher by helping play wing-man. The only uncertainty had been whether or not Shiemi could muster the courage to go through with the plan, and a backhanded insult from Izumo before the start of class had oddly boosted Shiemi’s morale. It really had been a team effort.

            Yukio looked flustered. He was clearly being ganged up on. He had wanted to let Shiemi down softly with an excuse instead of turning her down bluntly, but he was now regretting his wishy-washy attitude. His excuse had been stolen from him, and he’d as much as said that he would be glad to join her family for dinner. He sighed, slumping his shoulders as he resigned himself to the trap.

            “What time should I come over?” he asked with an air of defeat, and Shiemi beamed as she clapped her hands together at the success. Ryuuji silently patted himself on the back and tried not to look excited as Rin glanced at him questioningly from across the class. Rin was clearly just as blindsided as Yukio. He could see the uncertain hesitation in the other boy’s eyes as they darted between him and the couple standing by the podium at the front of the class. Ryuuji tried to tell himself it would be worth it.

 

* * *

 

            Butterflies danced in Rin’s stomach in an odd mixture of nervous agitation and anticipation. He tried not to think about Yukio and Shiemi and what they might be doing—if he knew the both of them, probably nothing other than studying and eating—and he busied himself by actually cleaning his room slightly. He changed the sheets on his bed and tried to organizing his belongings somewhat in preparation for Ryuuji’s arrival. It was the first time the other boy would be over, in his room, while Yukio was guaranteed to be gone for a few hours. A real bedroom. That would be a first.

            Ryuuji hadn’t discussed it with him beforehand. All he’d done before leaving the classroom was to tell Rin to text him when his brother had left, but Rin just knew he had to be planning something. He needed Ryuuji to be planning something.

            Rin fretted about idly as he waited, picking at the skin on the edge of fingers. He’d been having trouble masturbating lately—normal porn really wasn’t cutting it anymore, and he was almost afraid to go looking for something that would. He didn’t want to see what it would say about him, so he needed this. He needed the stress relief that came with their little sessions, and he was beginning to fear that he always would. They were just supposed to be screwing around—just having a little bit of fun. It wasn’t supposed to be anything more serious than that. Ryuuji couldn’t know how much he needed this.

            He jumped as a knock sounded at the door, his heart leaping in to his throat as he rushed to open it, and it was with great disappointed that Rin groaned when he let Ryuuji in to his room and saw he was carrying a stack of dusty old textbooks.

            “Are we seriously studying?” Rin asked.

            Ryuuji rolled his eyes. “If we don’t study at all it will be pretty obvious. We’ve got a few hours so we should be fine and I’ve asked Shiemi to text me before your brother leaves,” he said as he sat at the desk, laying the text books out. He then eyed Rin impatiently as the other boy just stood there.

            “Well?”

            “Well what?” Rin asked.

            “Gimme’ your test, idiot. That’s the obvious place to start.”

            Rin grumbled as he dug the crumpled paper out of the bottom of his book bag, and blushed as he handed it to Ryuuji, looking away from the other boy so he wouldn’t have to confront even more complaints about how bad his grades were, like he didn’t already know.

            “Thirty percent, huh?”

            Rin winced.

            “You’ve improved quite a bit,” Ryuuji said, and Rin looked up at him in surprise. Was that a compliment?

            “It’s better than the two you got in your first week, but it’s still terrible.”

            “Shut up!”

 

* * *

 

            An hour later and Rin was done. Not actually finished studying, just utterly done with the activity in general. He wasn’t sure which was worse; the way his brother constantly nagged him to study, but generally left him to work at his own pace, even if it took him all day to finish on his own, or the way Ryuuji was constantly pressing him forward to the next question, not giving him time to think about his answers before penalizing him for hesitating. Ryuuji didn’t fail to remind him that hesitating on the field could get people killed. Rin tried to whine that he wasn’t taking the aria certification so he didn’t need to worry about it. All he had to do was cut shit up with kurikara—no hesitation there—but Ryuuji wasn’t having any of it.

            Ryuuji watched as Rin slumped against the desk with a glazed expression across his face. He knew pressing too hard could actually have a negative impact, but it’s not like they had all day. They both had other activities in mind.

            “I’m gonna’ go to the bathroom,” Ryuuji said suddenly, “Take a quick break and when I get back we can finish up. After that… well, you know,” he trailed off, and Rin nodded mutely with his head against the desk. The slight wag from his tail was the only indication of his eagerness for them to move on to more enjoyable activities.

            Rin lay with his head against the desk, revelling in the cool feeling of the wood against his cheek and simply letting his mind empty of all the stuff Ryuuji had been drilling in to him. Rin jumped as Ryuuji’s phone rang, humming loudly as it vibrated against the desk beside his head. He glanced at the message on the screen, hoping to god it wasn’t Shiemi warning them that his brother was already on his way home. It was from Shiemi. She was simply messaging to let them know they’d just started eating, but Rin felt his body grow rigid as he read the end of her message.

_Thank you so much, Suguro-kun. I never would have had the courage to ask Yuki-chan out like that if you hadn’t said you’d support me._

            What the hell was this?

            Rin didn’t look up when Ryuuji returned to the room.

            “Where were we?” Ryuuji said as he took his seat beside Rin, scanning over the papers to find where they’d left off. “Ah, here. Okay, give me two uses for Wolfsbane.” He waited a moment before looking up to find Rin staring down at the desk, his jaw set in a rigid scowl. “Oi! Two uses for Wolfsbane. Come on, this one’s easy. It’s right in the name.”

            Instead of answering, Rin looked up at Ryuuji, eying him suspiciously. He wasn’t sure what to make of this new information. Ryuuji had been the one to insist that they remain friends, even though their relationship seemed more strained than ever and yet he’d gone behind Rin’s back to try to ruin his chances with Shiemi. Not that he expected Ryuuji to help him get closer to her, but still… The message left an odd hollow sensation deep in his gut, and he didn’t know how to react.

            “Are you okay?” Ryuuji asked, snapping Rin back to the present.

            “I’m fine,” he mumbled, “Can we just…” He trailed off. Just what? He sure as hell wasn’t in the mood to study any longer. He wasn’t sure what he was in the mood for, but he didn’t want to waste this time alone and just send Ryuuji away. Was that being too greedy?

            “Can we stop studying?” he finally said. At least he knew he wanted that.

            “We’re almost done,” Ryuuji said, “Are you that eager to trade one form of punishment for another?”

            Rin blushed, ducking his head with a scowl. Well, when he put it that way… No, he’d still rather be doing anything other than studying.

            “How about this?” Ryuuji said as he stood and took a seat on the edge of Rin’s bed. Rin immediately perked up, until Ryuuji patted his lap.

            Rin eyed him suspiciously, but he wasn’t going to complain if they were going to stop studying and move on to better activities. Activities that had a tendency to over-power Rin’s focus and clear his mind, making him forget everything he was currently worrying about, allowing him to simply revel in a moment of pure, mindless release. He took a seat next to Ryuuji on the bed, already feeling his body thrum with anxious energy, until Ryuuji spoke again.

            “No,” Ryuuji said firmly, “I want you to lie across my lap.”

            “Why?” The question had come instinctively, and Rin couldn’t keep the note of apprehension from sneaking in to his voice.

            “You sure ask a lot of questions,” Ryuuji said, “Don’t you trust me?”

            Rin scoffed. He trusted Ryuuji in a fight and he had yet to find any of their encounters unenjoyable, but after reading Shiemi’s text there was something disturbing nagging at him in the back of his mind. He also didn’t fail to notice the way Ryuuji had ignored his question, completely side stepping it and turning a question back on him.

            Ryuuji patted his lap again, raising an expectant brow towards Rin. “We don’t have all evening you know.”

            “Fine! Whatever,” Rin said petulantly as he threw himself across Ryuuji’s lap. He crossed his arms underneath his chin, looking downright sulky.

            Ryuuji shifted, trying to get Rin in to the position he wanted him, but the other boy wasn’t light and he didn’t move to help make his job any easier.

            “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked as he began to gently stroke Rin’s back.

            “M’ fine,” Rin said sternly. His voice was muffled by his arms, but there was still a hard edge to it.

            “If you say so,” Ryuuji said as he continued to rub circles in to Rin’s back, trying to ease the tension out. He placed his other hand on Rin’s ass, which was situated firmly over his lap, and gently began to massage the firm globes of flesh, feeling the way they moved under his hand. At that point Rin turned his head to stare up at Ryuuji with bland curiosity.

            “What are you doing?” he asked dryly.

            “How does it feel?”

            “It feels fine, but I don’t want a damn massage, especially not on my ass.”

            “No?”

            “You know what I want from you,” Rin said, glaring up at him.

            Ryuuji scowled. God damn was Rin mouthy for someone who claimed to get off on being submissive. “Do you think you’re in any position to order me around?” Ryuuji asked, trying to maintain control of the situation.

            Rin didn’t want to think—not about his brother and Shiemi, or the fact that Ryuuji had set them up behind his back, or the fact that he felt constantly pent up and stressed out by whatever the hell was going on with him. He needed this. He needed Ryuuji to be rough, to take control, to make it so he couldn’t think and just let it all go. Rin snapped. “If you’re not gonna’ give me what I want, you can just leave!”

            Ryuuji froze, biting down on the pain he felt. Rins words we like a punch to the gut; so absolutely selfish, uncaring, and unlike Rin to say. He was tempted to take Rin up on the offer, to roll him and his ass right off his lap and on to the floor before marching out of the room with his pride intact, but he didn’t want to give up yet. Instead, he bottled up the pain and set it aside. He couldn’t have it interfering with what he was about to do. Everything he’d read indicated that he needed to remain in control. He was going to make Rin tell him what was bothering him.

            The hand that had been gently rubbing circles against Rin’s back grabbed his tail and drew it up the length of his back so it wouldn’t be in the way. Then, with the same hand that was holding Rin’s tail, he roughly shoved him face down in to the mattress. He ignored Rin’s muffled curses as he raised his other hand over his head, winding up before bringing his hand down hard in an open palmed slap against Rin’s ass.

            Rin went silent, his entire body going rigid as he felt his face burn with indignation. He could hardly believe that Ryuuji had just spanked him, but as soon as the action caught up with his brain he started to struggle.

            Ryuuji kept a tight grip on the back of Rin’s neck as he raised his hand again, spanking the half demon once again before roughly yanking down his sweat pants and boxers in one swift motion. His cheeks were already red from the assault.

Rin froze again. This was it. At first he had reacted instinctively to the pain—his body interpreting it as an attack and telling him to fight back—but with his bare ass suddenly exposed to the cool air it was like a switch had been flipped. This wasn’t punishment, it was play—or both.

            He felt himself starting to get hard from the sheer humiliation of being spanked like a spoiled child, and he flinched when he felt Ryuuji’s hand graze his ass once more, but this time it wasn’t a slap. Ryuuji let his hand feather over the tender skin, barely touching him, and Rin shivered. It certainly wasn’t the worst pain in the world, especially since his sweats had absorbed half the impact, but his ass felt tender and the gentle touch suddenly stood in huge contrast against the pain. Rin moaned in to the bed sheets, feeling that familiar heat growing within him.

            “That’s better,” Ryuuji said sternly, “I don’t know what’s gotten in to you, but you’ve been in a foul mood ever since I went to the bathroom. Let me make myself clear when I say I won’t tolerate it.” He raised his hand again and Rin tensed, sensing the blow before it landed. With Rin’s pants no longer in the way, a loud smack resounded throughout the room from the slap of direct skin-on-skin contact.

            Rin was panting heavily, squirming in Ryuuji’s lap, trying to get comfortable, to situate his burgeoning erection between the other boy’s legs so he didn’t feel so trapped. Ryuuji hadn’t thought he’d enjoy this so much, but the arousal was contagious. With Rin’s erections pressed insistently between his legs, he felt his own excitement rising as he continued to rain slaps down upon the other boy’s ass. Rin gasped, jumping and moaning out loud as Ryuuji’s hand connected with his ass again and again—each successive slap hitting harder than the last—before Rin jumped, tensing as Ryuuji’s hand made gentle contact, gliding over the tender flesh as if in apology for causing him pain. The pain from each slap was miniscule, but combined together Rin’s ass felt enflamed. He was becoming more and more sensitive, even to the slightest touch.

            “Have I made myself clear?” Ryuuji asked. Rin nodded his head, whimpering in to the sheets.

            “Good…” he said, “Now, you still haven’t given me two uses for Wolfsbane.”

            “What? Are you serious?” Rin asked, trying to turn, to look up at the older boy, only to receive another slap on the ass. Rin hissed, whether from pleasure or pain, or a mix of the two, it was uncertain.

            “Two uses for Wolfsbane,” Ryuuji said, raising his hand threateningly.

            “I-uh! Killing werewolves!” Rin spat out hurriedly, looking up to see if that would placate the older boy. When Ryuuji raised an eyebrow and drew his hand back further, Rin quickly continued. “A-and… uh… curing werewolves?”

            “Very good,” Ryuuji said, letting his hand fall to gently stroke the tender flesh of Rin’s ass and the half demon groaned, grinding himself down between Ryuuji’s legs, revelling in the odd mix of pleasurable friction and the stinging heat he felt on his ass.

            “What’s the best defense against Mandrakes?” Ryuuji asked softly, still feathering his hand across Rin’s ass, driving a shiver up the smaller boy’s spine.

            Rin whimpered softly, pressing his face against the bed and lifting his hips, pressing his ass up in to the palm of Ryuuji’s hand. The other boy’s hand stilled.

            “Rin? Answer the question,” he said, gently but firmly squeezing the soft globe of flesh beneath his hand—a warning. Rin whimpered, sucking in a sharp breath before releasing it slowly as he tried to calm himself to clear his mind.

            “Um…” he trailed off. His mind was failing to latch on to any mention of the plant. He tensed as he felt Ryuuji raise his hand. “Can I have a hint?”

            “They scream,” Ryuuji said, winding up to land another blow on Rin’s ass and mentally counting down. He wanted to give Rin time to think, but at the same time he had meant what he said earlier. Hesitating on the field could get people killed, and Rin needed to learn to draw on subconscious information much faster.

            “Um… uh…” Rin mumbled, trying to come up with the answer and squirming against Ryuuji’s lap as the mental countdown reached zero. Ryuuji swung his hand, planting another stinging slap against the half demon’s ass.

            “A-ah! Earplugs!” Rin cried out only moments after the strike landed, tensing and arching up in to Ryuuji’s hand.

            “Good,” Ryuuji said as he gently ran his hands over the reddened flesh of Rin’s ass. “I knew you could get it.”

            Rin veritably purred at the compliment, leaning in to Ryuuji’s hand as the other boy continued to gently soothe his tender bottom.

            “Now,” he said coldly, “Why did you lie to me?”

            Rin’s eyes widened and he tried to turn, to look questioningly up at Ryuuji, but the firm hand on the back of his head kept him facing down in to the sheets. He felt Ryuuji tensing as he drew his hand back and Rin started to struggle, his tail lashing back and forth. Ryuuji grabbed it firmly and Rin instantly froze. He held the squirming appendage still and pulled it out of the way.

            “You don’t want me to hit this by accident, do you?” Ryuuji asked, transferring Rin’s tail to the same hand that was pinning his head down. Rin shook his head emphatically, his quiet whimpers muffled by the bedding.

            Ryuuji ran his hand tenderly over Rin’s sensitive flesh, sliding his fingers down the curve of the smaller boy’s ass, cupping the cheek gently.

            “When I came back from the bathroom you were clearly in a bad mood,” he said, lightly slapping his palm against Rin’s ass and reveling in the squeak of surprise even such a light action caused. “You said nothing was wrong, but you clearly lied. Now tell me what’s bothering you.”

            Rin shook his head, trying to push himself up off the bed and was rewarded with another sharp crack of Ryuuji’s hand against his ass, but he wasn’t going to talk. He didn’t even know why he felt so betrayed, let alone what to say. He’d gotten used to the sting of the slap, interspersed with the gentle caresses that eased the pain in between each hit, but now those caresses were gone. Ryuuji meant business and he continued to methodically spank Rin; raising his arm and then waiting, giving Rin a chance to speak up, before spanking him relentlessly, again and again as the smaller boy continued to remain silent.

            Ryuuji was careful. Each strike was carefully calculated; deftly avoiding Rin’s tall, but falling on a new patch of flesh each time. Rin’s entire ass was a bright, stringing red, covered in hand prints. Every strike increased minutely in speed and pressure as Ryuuji slowly pushed Rin to edge of his limit. Each individual strike was nothing, but combined they made Rin’s ass feel like it was on fire, and he gulped down a huge heaving breath as he continued to struggle, both ashamed that this was happening and that Ryuuji had seen right through him. When the spanking session had started Rin had severely underestimated it. He’d thought the pain was nothing, that he could withstand it, that he could hold back and answer Ryuuji’s questions at his own discretion, but the pain and shame continued to well up inside him, rising and rising, clouding his mind as Ryuuji’s hand continued to land slap after stinging slap as the older boy forced Rin to confront the issue he’d rather just bottle up and ignore.

            Rin’s chest heaved as he tried to push himself up from the bed, but his arms felt weak, and every slap sent a shock rippling across his body. “Stop!”

            Ryuuji’s hesitated only briefly before bring his hand down on Rin’s ass once more. He hadn’t used the safeword. Ryuuji raised his hand again, but paused. Rin was shaking, mumbling frantically, his words disappearing in to the sheets.

            “What was that?” Ryuuji asked, easing up the pressure on the back of Rin’s neck and letting him raise his head. He didn’t. He kept himself face down, shaking his head slightly as he continued to mumble, his whole body shaking.

            “Rin, are you okay?”

            The other boy nodded meekly, but didn’t otherwise answer. Feeling a sense of worry growing in his gut, Ryuuji carefully rolled Rin over, pulling him up in to his arms, and found that Rin was crying. Ryuuji recoiled at the sight of the other boy as he sniffled pitifully, tears rolling down his cheeks.

            “Shit! Rin, I… I’m sorry,” Ryuuji said as he cradled the smaller boy, smoothing down his hair and trying to wipe his tears away, “Did I hurt you?”

            Rin sniffled and shook his head emphatically. “Didn’t hurt,” he said defiantly, but his voice cracked when he spoke again and as the words left his mouth he felt an almost instantaneous release, like the opening a flood gate. “Y-You… You set up Shiemi and Yukio behind my back.”

            Ryuuji froze, feeling like he’d suddenly been dunked in ice water. “How did you…?”

            “I wasn’t snooping,” Rin said, “Shiemi texted you when you were in the bathroom and I read it to make sure Yukio wasn’t coming home yet.”

            Ryuuji reached over to grab his phone and winced as he read the message Shiemi had sent him. He warred with the brief instinct to be angry at Rin for violating his privacy, but if the roles were reversed he’d probably have done the same thing. If he didn’t have anything to hide, it wouldn’t have been a problem, but he had felt guilty about his actions from the very moment he told Shiemi he would support her.

            “You know I like her,” Rin said, “Why would you do this to me? I thought we were friends.”

            “Friends…” Ryuuji said with a grimace, “Is that really all I am to you?”

            “Yes!” Rin shouted, feeling suddenly uncomfortable in Ryuuji’s arms. He was still hard and he didn’t want to be having this conversation. Not again. He pushed himself out of Ryuuji’s grip and climbed off his lap, pulling his pants up from around his hips, “I told you over and over that I don’t think of you like that.”

            Ryuuji clenched his fists as if trying to hold on to the feel of the other boy. “If you thought, for even a moment that you could go out with Shiemi, you would, wouldn’t you?”

            “Of course!”

            “And what of me?” he asked quietly, trying to shut down on the pain Rin’s words caused deep in his chest, “How do you think I feel, knowing that you would cast me aside in an instant?”

            Rin didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to. His silence and the way he looked away from Ryuuji, unable to meet his eyes, was damning enough. Ryuuji stood and quickly gathered his belongings from the nearby desk.

            “What are you doing?” Rin asked.

            “I’m done, Rin,” Ryuuji said as he turned to leave. Rin jumped up, blocking his path. “I’m done,” Ryuuji repeated, his voice wavering, “I can’t take this anymore; all the sneaking around, the fear of being tossed aside. It was fun while it lasted, but I’m ending this now, on my terms, before I get hurt.”

            “But-Wait! You can’t!” Rin protested, trying to grab on to Ryuuji’s arm only to have the other boy elbow his hands away. Ryuuji marched towards the door and then stopped turning back towards Rin.

            “If you want me, you have to give me some reassurance that you won’t just drop me the first chance you get,” he said, “No more sneaking around. No more secrets.” Ryuuji sighed, struggling with the next few words. “I know… You told me you’re not gay, you’re not in to me like that,” he said, shrugging helplessly, “But, can you at least pretend? Tell everyone we’re in a relationship?”

            “No way!” Rin said, without even thinking about it, and Ryuuji grit his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut as he clung to the textbooks in his arms.

            “If I did that… What would Shiemi think of me?” Rin asked.

            Ryuuji turned away from him abruptly, hand on the door knob. “She’d think we were in a relationship. That’s the fucking point, Rin. Right now, the only assurance I have is that she’s oblivious to how you feel, and you’re too much of a coward to tell her.”

            “Fuck you,” Rin spat at him.

            Ryuuji didn’t turn or speak as he opened the door, stepping outside and closing it behind himself, leaving Rin to his silent room and his thoughts. As he walked away he heard Rin shouting, following by the sound of crashing furniture. He didn’t look back.

 

* * *

 

            Rin stood in the center of his room, chest heaving, fists clenched at his sides and teeth bared at the empty room. Papers fluttered down around him, having been thrown in the air in anger and desperation. His chair lay on the other side of the room, near Yukio’s bed. One of its legs was cracked, split along the seam of its joint where Rin’s foot had connected with it. His toe throbbed, probably broken, but it would heal. The chair wouldn’t.

            He caught his breath, only to scream once more—a sound of pent up sexual frustration, rage, indecision and a mix of self-pity and hatred. He knew he had fucked up. He was still pissed, feeling betrayed by the actions Ryuuji committed behind his back, but at the same time he knew he was equally at fault for what had just happened. He couldn’t continue to take it out on his surroundings either. With a quiet sob he flopped down on his bed, throwing his blanket over his head, and trying to ignore the quiet burning throb of his ass, still imprinted with the touch of Ryuuji’s hands. There he remained until Yukio returned to their room a short while later.

            Yukio took one look at the state of the room and sighed. He fetched Rin’s chair from the floor, ignoring the wobbly leg, and putting it back in its place before he started collecting the papers from the floor. When Yukio picked up Rin’s crumpled test papers he looked up at his brother’s still form, lying quietly in his bunk.

            “I guess even Suguro-kun will get frustrated trying to teach you,” he said.

            “Fuck off.”

            Yukio blinked, shocked at the quiet poison that laced his brother’s voice, and decided for once that he would let the matter drop as he finished tidying the room before quietly getting ready for bed.


	7. Complications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After spending all night and all day thinking, Rin thinks he knows what he wants. Unfortunately you can't always get what you want, especially not when he's still thinking about what Ryuuji can do for him and not considering that the other boy is a fully autonomous person with his own hopes and desires.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay. I had hoped to have this ready right after my exam period ended, but such is life. At the very least, I wanted to get this out to all of you before I go away for the holidays, so I don't leave you hanging even longer! Especially not after the last turn of events.  
> Thanks again for reading and reviewing, and I hope you all have a Merry Christmas! Or Happy Festive Season or whatever it is you celibrate!

            It was only by his brother’s incessant nagging that Rin managed to drag himself from bed the morning after his fight with Ryuuji. Actually he wasn’t even sure you could call it a fight. He had been dumped, and damn, Rin was not expecting it to hurt this much.

            He slogged through the morning, making breakfast and lunch for him and Yukio before sitting down to eat the oddly tasteless meal. He wished he could just crawl back in to bed and ignore the rest of the world.

            “Nii-san, are you feeling unwell?” Yukio asked him as they ate. Admittedly Yukio was a little worried. The response he’d gotten last night was unlike his brother, and Rin looked like death warmed over. His eyes were red with dark circles beneath them, but weirdest of all was the way his brother was quiet, staring lifelessly off in to the distance, as if he wasn’t seeing anything.

            “I’m fine,” Rin said irritably, “I just didn’t sleep very well.” In fact he’d been up all night thinking about what he should do. It wasn’t accurate to say he didn’t want a relationship with Ryuuji, even if he didn’t want a romantic one. He certainly wanted something from the other boy. He just didn’t know how to get it back.

            “Are you sure?” Yukio asked, “Because you’ve been holding the same bite of food in front of your face and staring off in to the distance for about five minutes now.”

            Rin glared at him, shoving the aforementioned piece of food in to his mouth. Chew, swallow. Chew, swallow. He forced himself through the motions, silently shovelling the rest of his tasteless breakfast down, trying to look normal and giving himself an excuse not to talk to his brother. Yukio was too busy trying to avoid having a relationship at all—something Rin thought he should probably feel thankful for—but there was no way Yukio would understand the problems involved with having to choose between two people, let alone trying to do it while grappling with one’s sexuality. This problem again; Rin was certain he wasn’t gay. He had wracked his brain against the topic over and over again and the results came up the same each time. He wasn’t attracted to men, at least not in a general sense. At the same time being near Ryuuji made Rin’s heart race and his body temperature rise. Was it just because of what they were doing together? Was it just because of the sex? If he could do that with a woman—with Shiemi—would it be the same? Would it be better?

            Rin felt his face turn bright red, and quickly collected his dishes, taking them to the sink to wash them before Yukio could notice.

            Could he do what he was doing with Shiemi instead of Ryuuji? Shit… Rin grimaced, turning up the heat of the water to the point that it was almost scalding his hands. He felt like he should apologize to her for even thinking such a thing.

            Rin finished washing his dishes and grabbed his lunch, hurrying from the kitchen. Not like he had any particular desire to go to school early, but at least there he could sulk and everyone would leave him alone like they always did anyways. And sulk, he did. The day dragged on tortuously. Rin could barely spare a brain cell for the information he was supposed to be learning, and by the time cram school rolled around Rin had spent hours worrying and wondering what the hell he should do.

            Ryuuji had been right. If Rin wanted to be with Shiemi, he should just let things between him and Ryuuji go, but... He didn’t want that. The thought alone bore a deep ache in the center of his chest, so it was with that in mind that he timidly approached their cram school class room. Just his luck, as usual he was the last person to arrive, aside from the teacher. He sighed, taking a deep breath, and entered the classroom, his eyes instinctively finding the other boy. Ryuuji looked up as he entered, and glared fiercely at him before turning his gaze away, ignoring him. It stung. It wasn’t like before. This time Rin didn’t feel a sense of shameful pleasure from the idea of being used and ignored. He just felt discarded and afraid—afraid that Ryuuji would reject him again.

            He marched over to stand in front the Kyoto Trio’s desks, squaring his shoulders and looking Ryuuji dead in the eyes.

            “Can we talk?” he asked. Ryuuji nodded, but didn’t otherwise move. Rin felt a nervous bead of sweat trail down his neck and disappear in the collar of his school uniform.

            “Privately?”

            “No.”

            Nervous glances passed between Shima and Konekomaru as they began to sense the odd tension between them as Rin and Ryuuji stared each other down. Rin swallowed the lump in his throat and took a deep breath to try to still his racing heart. Everyone was watching him, but Ryuuji did say he was sick of the secrets. Maybe it’s what he wanted—for everything to be out in the open. Rin had to show Ryuuji how serious he was and he couldn’t think of a better way to do it. He planted his hands on Ryuuji’s desk and leaned forward swiftly, lips puckered and eyes screwed shut. Gasps of surprise resounded around the class, and Ryuuji’s eyes widened in shock even as his hand came up and caught Rin’s face and inch from his own.

            “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Ryuuji asked, his voice icily calm as he glared at Rin while holding him at bay.

            “Can we please talk in private?” Rin said, his words muffled behind Ryuuji’s hand, but his eyes were desperately pleading, resigned even as he tried to block out the rest of the class, to ignore the way everyone was staring at him.

            Ryuuji sighed, and stood, grumbling under his breath. With a quiet word to calm Konekomaru’s worried protests, he stepped around the desk and grabbed Rin by the collar of his shirt, dragging him from the room. With a pointed look at Shima to stay behind and not meddle, he shut the door behind them, and then turned to Rin.

            “Look, Ryuuji, I’m sorry!” Rin said, clinging to Ryuuji’s arm as soon as the door was shut, “I did a lot of thinking and decided I’m okay with pretending we’re dating.”

            Ryuuji sighed, and slowly unhooked Rin’s hands from his arm. Rin felt his gut drop when Ryuuji looked up at him, his expression resigned and almost sorrowful.

            “I did a lot of thinking too,” Ryuuji said, stepping away from Rin, putting some space between them. Rin clenched his fists, trying to keep his breathing even. This wasn’t going as planned. Ryuuji should be happy now, but he clearly wasn’t.

            “I did a lot of thinking and I decided that pretending isn’t good enough.”

            “But you said-!”

            “I know what I said!” Ryuuji snapped, “But God damn it, Rin! This isn’t healthy. Asking you to pretend was just my way of trying to get some kind of foothold in the relationship, but it isn’t a real relationship in the first place, and that’s the problem! I deserve someone who’s in to me, for me. Not someone who’s just waiting for something better to come along,” he said bitterly. He turned towards the door as if that was it, but Rin grabbed his arm, stopping him.

            Ryuuji stood there with Rin clinging to his but didn’t turn towards him. Rin gave a pleading whine, a desperate sound deep in the back of his throat as he tried to think of something to say, anything that could convince Ryuuji not to walk away, and came up empty.

            “Tell me you like me,” Ryuuji finally said as if taking pity on the other boy. It wasn’t even ‘love’. He wasn’t asking for a lot.

            “I… I _can’t_!” Rin said, “Not the way you want me to mean it.”

            “That’s probably for the best,” Ryuuji said, “I don’t like you very much right now either.”

            “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

            “It means you’re kinda’ being a selfish asshole lately.”

            “Well, sorry I’m not a faggot,” Rin spat defensively. He didn’t know why he said it, and they were both shocked as Ryuuji turned, his fist snapping up and knocking Rin’s head back with a crack.

            Rin hissed in pain as blue flames danced behind his eyelids. He tasted blood, tangy and coppery. By the time he reached up to wipe his bleeding nose, Ryuuji was already back inside the classroom.

            _Why the fuck did I say that?_

            Rin winced as he felt the soft tissue in his face repairing itself. Soon the only left over evidence would be the blood on his sleeve. He looked down at the red stain and sighed. He wanted to cry, to turn and run back to his room, to bury himself in his bed and just not come out, much like he’d done last night. He jumped in shock as a hand landed on his shoulder.

            “Nii-san, what are you doing?” Yukio asked.

            “N-nothing,” Rin stammered as he turned away from his brother and pushed inside the classroom. Everyone looked up to stare at him, everyone that is, except Ryuuji who kept his eyes coldly on the textbook in front of him.

            _Look at me, damn it!_

            Rin ducked his head and quickly took his seat beside Shiemi as his brother shuffled in to the room behind him, heading for the podium. Shiemi was nervously glancing back and forth between Rin and Ryuuji, trying to piece together the puzzle she had only witnessed a small part of.

            “Are you okay?” she asked.

            He nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. He didn’t want to speak right now, afraid of the way his voice would crack, betraying his true feelings. He quickly pulled out his notebook, eager for once to pretend to be paying attention. Everything was normal. _Feel free to look away and go back to your own lives._

            “Can I have you attention please,” Yukio said from the front of the class, and Rin breathed a sigh of relief as he could feel everyone’s eyes leaving him.

            “Class is cancelled for today,” Yukio began, and Rin praised the heavens for this small favour, until Yukio spoke again, “We’ve been assigned an emergency mission for which we’re to depart on immediately. You all have one hour to return to your dorms, pack your belongings for the mission, and meet me and Shura at the train station. I’ll give you further details once we’re underway.”

            Rin groaned, letting his head fall forward on the desk as everyone else began to chatter excitedly. For once in his damn life, a mission was the last thing he wanted. On the one hand it meant physical combat and action—some of the few things he was good at. It was something for him to focus on so he could take his mind off his problems, but before that it meant hours trapped on a train with Ryuuji. Not to mention the others who had all just witnessed his rejection. If he could just dig a hole, and crawl in to it and die, that would be great.

            “Rin, are you okay?” Shiemi asked, placing her hand on his shoulder.

            “’M fine,” he mumbled without lifting his face from the desk. Shiemi frowned, not at all convinced by his answer, but she didn’t want to push him.

            “Let me know if you want to talk about it,” she said, “That’s what friends are for.” She had meant it to be encouraging, but when Rin’s only response was to groan, she knotted her hands together in worry before leaving him in awkward silence.

            Rin stayed there as the rest of the class shuffled out of the room, unable to look anyone in the eyes.

            “Nii-san, we need to get going,” Yukio said as he passed by his brother’s desk. Rin sighed, forcing himself to stand and follow his brother. He took one last look at Ryuuji’s empty seat and clenched his fist. If this was the way things were going to be, then so be it. Missions were supposed to be fun. He wasn’t going to let that asshole toss him aside and drag him down. He wasn’t going to let him know how much he hurt.

 

* * *

 

            Ryuuji arrived at the station with Shima and Konekomaru in tow. Shura, Takara, and Izumo had already arrived, the three of them all looking very impatient as they waited on the crowded platform. Looking around, Ryuuji didn’t see either of the Okumura brothers and he felt a slight weight lift from his chest. He knew he’d made the right choice for his own emotional health, but awkwardly tip-toeing around Rin for who knows how long was the last thing he wanted to do. He pinched the bridge of his nose, groaning inwardly as he tried to stave off a migraine. Remaining friends with Rin was probably off the table now as well, and it was his fault. He wished he’d never fucking acted on his feelings in the first place.

            The clacking sound of suitcase wheels rolling over tile heralded Shiemi’s hurried arrival as she rushed up to the group. She was out of breath but had an eager, excited smile on her face. However, when her eyes landed on Ryuuji her expression took on a serious tone.

 

            “S-Suguro-kun? C-c-can I talk to you for a moment?” she asked, forcing herself to stand tall as she nervously forced out the question amid a mouthful of stuttering.

            He looked momentarily surprised to be called out by her, but the look of determination on her face told him he couldn’t say no. He glanced at Konekomaru and Shima, raising his brow in question. The other boys could only shrug, so he nodded his ascent and stepped to the side with her so they could speak privately.

            When they were away from the main group of Exwires she glanced around nervously. The crowded station platform was hardly the best place for a private conversation, but most of the people around them were strangers, merely making their regular daily commute.

            “S-Suguro-kun, I really should be thanking you for the help you’ve given me, and this probably isn’t any of my business,” she began, clenching her fists in her skirt, “But don’t you think you should give Rin a chance?”

            Ryuuji flinched, a look of shock crossing his face before he quickly turned away from her. She had been prepared for him to get angry for butting her nose in, but this reaction, one of hurt contrition, was not what she had expected. She was about to apologize when he turned back towards her, his trademark scowl firmly in place.

            “You’re right, it’s none of your damn business,” he said, but then the look softened as he glanced over his shoulder, making sure the other guys were out of earshot, before he leaned down towards her. She stood stock still, almost unable to make out his words in the noise of the crowd.

            “I already gave him a chance and he threw it back in my face,” he said as he stared down at his feet. He gave her only a second to process what he’d said, before he turned back towards the main group and rejoined his friends.

She watched his back as he walked away, mystified by his words.

 

* * *

 

            Rin dragged his feet as he approached the station even though it meant having Yukio nag him to hurry up every step of the way. Thankfully his efforts paid off. The train was already waiting in the station, and as soon as they arrived they were quickly shuffled in to the train car to take their seats. He didn’t have to idle around the platform, pretending to ignore everyone. He looked over the seats as he boarded the train, and just like the first time they’d all ridden the train together on a mission, Ryuuji and other boys hastily avoided his eye contact. Rin snorted, determinedly holding his head high as he stomped down the aisle and took his seat next to Shiemi.

            “Alright, can I have everyone’s attention,” Yukio said from the front of the car once the train had gotten underway, “We’re headed for a coastal town in Okayama prefecture where at this point in time, three suspicious deaths have occurred. The victims are all young males in their late teens or early twenties. Reports indicate they were all last seen headed to the beach late at night for a date or had last been seen with a strange woman their friends had never met before, only for their bodies to be found washed up on shore the next morning. We’re being sent to watch search for any clues that a demon may be involved.”

            “That’s it?” Izumo said, “Why are we getting involved? At this point it seems like a series of normal murders committed between humans.”

            “It does seem that way,” Yukio said, “However, none of the victims have exhibited defensive wounds or other signs of struggle. It was only after three successive murders that the local police even began to suspect it was anything other than a terrible coincidence. As it stands, the general populace is aware of the murders and most people are on guard, so we may not be needed at all. However, the fact that all of the victims drowned after meeting a strange woman leads us to believe there might be a Siren involved. If that is the case, people will ignore their better judgement and go willingly to their deaths. To make matters worse, there’s an international Beach Volleyball Championship happening in town right now, and two of the victims are foreigners. The True Cross Japanese branch wants us there to prevent an international incident from occurring if our services do turn out to be needed,” he said as he began to hand out sheets of paper.

            “Due to the gender of the victims you’ve all been assigned to teams of three in order to minimize the risks by making sure there’s a girl in each group. At this point in time your mission is simply to comb the beach during the day and watch for suspicious activity. A siren likely will not stray far from water, so for now we believe this should be sufficient. Under no circumstances should you approach the beach alone or after dark. Any questions?”

            If there were any further questions, Rin had tuned them out. He was staring numbly down at the piece of paper he’d been handed with his group assignment.

            Okumura Rin.  
            Moriyama Shiemi.  
            Suguro Ryuuji.

            Fucking hell. This was too much of a coincidence. Some form of higher power had to be punishing him.

            Rin scrubbed his hand across his face, taking a deep breath to try to calm himself. He peered around the edge of his seat, his eyes instantly finding Ryuuji’s. He could tell by the fiery look in the other boy’s eyes that this was the last thing either of them wanted, and as soon as Yukio had finished speaking they both intercepted him—Rin grabbing his brother by the shoulder as he passed his seat and Ryuuji stepping in to the aisle, blocking him in.

            “You have to change the group arrangement,” Rin said before his brother could even protest the rough treatment.

            “Why?” Yukio asked, and both Rin and Ryuuji simply stared at him. They hadn’t been prepared for that simple question.

            Rin turned red and began to stammer, but Yukio cut him off before he could make up some sort of story or excuse.

            “The two of you have been getting along better lately and I see no reason to change assignments, unless there are extenuating circumstances you wish to inform me of.”

            Ryuuji raised an eyebrow at Rin over Yukio’s shoulder as if to say “your call”. Rin just blushed, continuing to stammer as he stared at his feet. Yukio sighed.

            “If there’s no reason, then please return to your seats. We’ll be arriving first thing in the morning, so you should all try to get some sleep,” he said, adjusting his glasses and ending the conversation. He turned, giving Ryuuji a stern look and the other boy crawled back in to his seat, getting out of his way. Rin watched his brother go with a rising sense of dread. He had been hoping the mission would give him something to focus on, to keep his mind off Ryuuji, but having to be around him for the whole mission was only going to make him feel worse. Fuck it all. Knowing his fate was sealed, he returned to his seat beside Shiemi.

            He could feel her concerned gaze studying the side of his face, as if she was working up the nerve to try to say something helpful or comforting, so in an effort to head her off Rin plastered a fake smile upon his face.

            “Man, I’m totally excited for this mission,” he said as he kicked his feet up and leaned back in the seat, trying to adopt a relaxed posture. She looked surprised, and Rin hoped his fake smile was more reassuring than threatening. It didn’t quite reach his eyes, and he was probably showing more fang than usual—more like he was bearing his teeth than smiling.

            “A-are you sure you’re okay?” she asked timidly, gesturing to the blood stain on his sleeve. _Shit_. He hadn’t bothered to change his shirt.

            “I’m totally fine,” he said, trying to cover the stain as if she might forget about it as soon as it left her sight. Still struggling to maintain a sense of joviality in his voice, he said, “I heal up real quick.”

            “No… I mean… D-Do you want to talk about y-you and Suguro-kun?”

_Double shit._ If he and Ryuuji were really over… if he was going 100% for Shiemi, having her aware of his feelin- to have her aware of what happened between him and Ryuuji, to question or comfort him on the subject was the absolute last thing he wanted.

            “N-no, I mean… That wasn’t… It was a dare,” he said. For once his brain supplied him quickly with an adequate lie. He forced a laugh, but it sounded pathetic even to his own ears. “I lost a dare with Shima, and that was my punishment. Had to try to kiss Ryuuji in front of the class, you know.” He shrugged helplessly. Shiemi was staring at him oddly, chewing on her bottom lip like she actually suspected he might be lying, but she finally nodded, as if agreeing to accept his explanation.

            He could tell she didn’t fully believe him though. She had a tendency to immediately bounce back to her usual bubbly self when she thought everything was going okay, and this time she didn’t. She continued to stare at Rin with that quiet, concerned expression, forcing him to maintain the charade of cheerfulness.

            He forced himself to make idle, excited comments about the trip—the fact that they were going to the beach again, the scenery outside the window, how excited he was for real field work—anything to keep himself from thinking about Ryuuji, to keep himself from sliding in to a silent depression for the entirety of the train ride, and in a way it worked. The more he forced it, the easier it became. Fake it 'till you make it, they say. Even Shiemi started smiling more honestly, as if she'd bought in to the act.

            Things were going well—as well as Rin could have hoped for, considering the way he felt—until it grew late. The view beyond the windows was a murky black. A train attendant passed through the car, dimming the lights, and the rest of the passengers on the train car attempted to sleep. Some even told Rin to be quiet. Once even Shiemi was asleep, Rin had nothing but his own mind and the quiet chacka-chacka of the train rolling over its tracks to keep him company.

            He stared silently at Shiemi’s sleeping face, letting his eyes trace the gentle slope of her cheeks and the fullness of her lips, trying to let her fill the hole in his chest that was keeping him awake. This was, after all, what he wanted, wasn’t it?


	8. A Mission and a Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin is still pissed about how things ended between him and Ryuuji, and now they have to do a mission together? Ugh. Well Rin's not going to let it get him down!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna' try to finish this part of the story arc fairly quickly. There's two or three chapters left.  
> I start my last semester of my degree this week, and it's probably going to be tough in terms of reading and writing requirements, so once I wrap this part of the story up it is going on hiatus. Sorry. :(   
> The whole story is definitely not finished though and I'll keep writing, so I might be able to put up the occasional chapter, or once I have time to stick to decent updates I'll have something to post right away. Either way, once this arc of the story is finished it's back to mindless sex... I know, the good stuff, right? Hah.

            It was early morning when their train finally arrived. Rin was exhausted, having slept very little. He had the beginnings of a headache slowly blooming behind his eyes, and the bright shining sun and the sound of excited beach goers and tourists were not helping with the pain.

            The town outside the station was bustling and brightly decorated. Banners hung from the street lamps and ropes of flags and colorful lights criss-crossed over the streets. As they got closer to the beach the streets got more and more crowded. Food kiosks, games of chance and other kitschy tourist traps lined the road, surrounded by shouting street merchants hawking their wares.

            “It looks like a festival.” Shiemi’s eyes shined brightly as her attention darted between the many sights and sounds.

            “I hope some of you won’t find it too much of a distraction from your intended work,” Yukio said pointedly. Nobody had to ask who he was talking about.

            They pushed their way through the crowd, making their way to the small traditional Japanese inn where they were staying only a few blocks away from the beach. They checked in, deposited their bags in their rooms, ate breakfast, and were immediately put to work.

            “S-so… What should we do first?” Shiemi asked.

            They stood on the beach, already changed in to their swimwear. Rin was wearing a Hawaiian shirt to help hide his tail, and he had Kurukara strapped to his back, making him look even more out of place. They were also wearing life jackets; prepared for a day of work on the beach, even though they weren’t supposed to go near the water. Rin and Ryuuji were standing stiffly, ignoring each other while trying to pretend they weren’t ignoring each other. The atmosphere was tense, and it weighed down on Shiemi as she nervously wrung her hands.

            "Maybe we should split up," Ryuuji suggested. Their teams had each been given a section of beach to comb as they watched for suspicious supernatural activity, but each section was quite large. "We'll stay within eyesight of each other, but this way we'll be able to cover more ground at once and reduce our chances of missing something important."

            "Good idea," Rin said, agreeing almost too quickly, "I'll stay with Shiemi and you can go off on your own." He waved dismissively as if shooing Ryuuji away.

            "Very funny," Ryuuji said, glaring at him, "I was thinking more along the lines of each of us staying about 50 meters apart and combing our section of beach in a uniform grid."

            "Aren't we supposed to stay together?" Shiemi asked.

            "As long as we can see and signal to each other, we should be fine. As far as we know the siren isn't acting overly during the day. This way we'll be much more likely to notice suspicious activity."

            "What actually counts as suspicious activity?" Rin asked.

            Ryuuji sighed, not surprised that Rin didn’t know, but still annoyed at having to remind him. "The obvious signs would be enchanting singing, and either a refusal to enter or leave the water since it takes a few minutes to convert between legs and the mermaid tail, but…” Ryuuji trailed off as he thought about it for a moment, “Since the victims were all headed to meet her for a date, I don’t think we’ll see anything like that. We should probably be on the lookout for overt flirting, especially if the woman is very beautiful, and listening to see if they suggest meeting again after dark."

            "As if you'd recognize a beautiful woman," Rin said with a sneer, only to double over, grunting in pain as Ryuuji elbowed him in the gut.

            "Anyways," Ryuuji said, glaring at him, "If either of you have a better idea, I’m all ears.”

            When Rin and Shiemi shook their heads they all went their separate ways—Rin and Ryuuji heading off in opposite directions across the sand, and leaving Shiemi at the center of their little formation. She didn’t fail to notice that this allowed the two boys to put as much distance between them as possible.

            The beach spread off in either direction, stretching as far as you could see. Hundreds of beach goers bathed under the blazing summer sun, swimming, sunbathing, playing in the sand, eating, and simply enjoying summer in all its glory. To the east were a series of nets, set up for the beach volleyball tournament, already underway. A large crowd had gathered to cheer on the students and bathe in the excitement. Beyond the nets a rocky outcropping cut out in to the ocean. On it stood a single tall lighthouse. In the opposite direction lay a harbour, filled to the brim with a variety of leisure boats, probably owned by tourist in the middle of enjoying their summer getaways. Seals could be seen sun bathing on the docks, looking for handouts and occasionally being chased away by the marina personnel. Behind everything, beyond the stretch of the sand that formed the beach, lay the boardwalk, currently taken over by the summer festival. It was noisy, crowded and exciting, but it made their work much harder. They were people watching; trying to listen in on private conversations and looking for suspicious activity. The thick crowds did not make their job easy.

            At one point Shiemi thought she saw a woman refusing to exit the water—her interest instantly piqued—but it turned out the woman had only lost part of her bathing suit to a particularly rough wave. Meanwhile Rin was having a rough time distinguishing between beautiful and “very beautiful”, especially when a bikini was involved. Did it count if the men initiated the flirting? Did it count if the guy was equally attractive? Rin spent most of his time listening in on conversations, trying to determine how long people had known each other. Had they just met or had they come to the beach together? More than once he was called out on being a weirdo for eavesdropping, and was chased away by a happy couple.

            They moved eastward across the beach as the day progressed. Shiemi strolled the docks of the marina by late afternoon, with Ryuuji and Rin still flanking her in either direction. Seals barked in the distance, slipping off the dock and in to the water as she approached their location. She smiled as she watched them swim away in the shallows. They were technically pests, but they were still cute.

            As she made her way back to the entrance of the docks to head back to the open beach she stopped, glancing back the way she’d come. She could hear a strange noise that sounded suspiciously like crying. It was almost lost amid the sound of the crashing waves and crying gulls overhead. There was nobody else nearby, but the noise sounded relatively close. She finally looked down, past the slatted, algae covered planks that formed the dock, and could barely make out a huddled figure through the cracks. Someone was down there, sitting in the edge of the surf, crying.

            Shiemi quickly made her way down to the figure and stopped when she saw that it was a naked girl, not much older than herself, huddled and crying in the shadows.

            “Oh my God! Are you okay?” Shiemi asked, removing her life jacket so she could place it over the woman’s shoulders to give her some semblance of cover.

            The girl shook her head, continuing to cry in to her hands. “They stole my coat,” she said, her voice cracking between broken sobs, “They said they’d help me find it, but they tricked me. I can’t go home without it.”

            Shiemi quickly retreated from underneath the docks so she could flag down Rin and Ryuuji. She explained the situation to them, and they left to retrieve a towel first, and then a simple change of clothing, bought cheap from one of the many tourist stalls dotting the beach. It wasn’t long before Shima, Konekomaru and Izumo’s attention were drawn in as well and they all congregated under the docks to help the woman.

            Even though she was now dressed and somewhat dryer, tears continued to streak silently down the girl’s soft, round cheeks. Her wet lashes lay gracefully upon her skin as she tried to stifle her sobs.

            “It’s such a shame that someone would steal from a beautiful girl like you,” Shima said, already shamelessly trying to flirt with her. The girl looked up at him just as Shima yelped in pain.

            “Get away from her, you pervert,” Izumo said as she dragged Shima away by his ear, “She’s been through enough already.” She then turned to the other exwires, a grave expression on her face as she released Shima only for him to cower behind Ryuuji defensively, cradling his tender ear in an overly melodramatic fashion.

            “Guys, I think we need to call the police,” she said, “This is clearly beyond the scope of our abilities to deal with, and we’ve got our own mission to worry about.”

            The others quietly watched the girl as she continued to cry, and then slowly agreed. No one wanted to say it, but the fact that she’d been found naked was highly troubling. Even if she’d only been robbed, there was nothing they could do to help her. Shiemi and Izumo stayed with her, trying to comfort her and keep her safe as the boys went to notify the proper authorities. When the police arrived they were all required to give a statement, but there was not much else they could do to help, so after taking an awkward moment to sort of wind down from the stress of the situation, they quietly split up and went back to work, but all in all, the day was a bust. They were all hot, tired, and bored out of their minds by the time they returned to the Inn. They were sitting around a low table and eating dinner when Yukio spoke.

            “I’d like all of you to submit a written report on the day’s events,” he said. A collective groan went up around the table and Yukio glared at Shura for contributing to the groan despite her role as a senior exorcist.

            “Ugh, I wanted to go to the festival,” Shima whined, “What about after we finish our reports?” he asked,

            “Need I remind you you’re not supposed to go near the beach after dark, Shima-kun?” Yukio said sternly.

            “But the festival isn’t on the beach,” Rin said, “It’s on the boardwalk.”

            “The tide is also out tonight,” Ryuuji added, “The water will be over 50 meters from the edge of the boardwalk, and the sun won’t set for about another hour.”

            Yukio scowled, adjusting his glasses and flinching as Shura threw her arm around his shoulder, loudly sipping from a can of beer.

            “Don’t be such a tight ass,” Shura said, “Ain’t like we got anything for ‘em to do for the rest of the evening. Let ‘em have their fun.”

            Rin and Shima looked at Yukio with large, watery, puppy-dog eyes, and with a sigh Yukio finally relented.

            “Fine,” he said as a round cheers went up around him. “AFTER your finish your reports,” he reminded them and was rewarded with another groan.

            Shima threw his hands up in victory. “We finally get to have some fun.”

            “Yeah, I can’t wait,” Rin said with a huge grin. This was the perfect opportunity for him to ask Shiemi out, to get closer to her and forget all about Ryuuji. The train ride had been agony. Being teamed up with Ryuuji made the already boring mission intolerable. It was finally time for him to actually work towards putting this whole miserable mess behind him. He turned to Shiemi and opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off.

            “Yuki-chan, do you want to go to the festival with me?” Shiemi asked excitedly, her attention focused solely on the boy in question.

            Rin blanched, completely thrown by her timing, and more than a little hurt that once again Yukio was her first choice. His eyes met Ryuuji’s for a split second, and Rin sneered, dragging his gaze away before he could take in Ryuuji’s expression. He just knew the other boy would either be looking at him with some kind of condescending “I told you so” expression, or worse, pity.

“Sorry, Shiemi,” Yukio said, “Once you’ve all finished your reports I have to condense your findings in to a singular report and send it to the Vatican, so I’ll be busy. Why don’t you go with Rin.”

            Ugh. It was just like the other festival at school. Rin was almost annoyed enough at being given handouts by his brother to refuse the offer, but Yukio probably wasn’t doing it for his benefit—probably just trying to run away from human contact again.

            “O-okay,” Shiemi said. Her smile fell for split second, but then returned when she looked at Rin. “Let’s have fun,” she said, but her voice carried only a fraction of her previous excitement.

            Rin forced a smile of his own as he nodded back at her.

 

* * *

 

            "Woah! Look at that," Rin said, pointing excitedly at a man walking through the crowded street on a pair of stilts. The man was wearing an elaborate sea creature costume covered in rhinestones and sequins. His long, ornate fish tail reached all the way to the ground. Shiemi's eyes widened in wonder as the costumed man passed by overhead. Rin reached out tentatively, smiling shyly as he took her hand. He felt his heart race as her warm fingers instantly closed over his so he could guide her through the crowd as they flitted from stall to stall, trying various foods and games. Their earlier melancholy was completely forgotten in the excitement of the crowd.

            Now that the sun had set the street was brightly lit with flashing lights, strung over the street like banners and decorating the various stalls and game booths in an attempt to attract attention. Sound seemed to come from every direction—from street musicians or loudspeakers, and even the loud ringing buzzers and bells of games of chance.

            “Look, Rin!” Shiemi said, pointing to a large, green round-headed stuffed animal, “It looks like Nee!” It was one of the many prizes hanging from the roof over a game of ring toss.

            Rin dug into his pocket and quickly paid the clerk in exchange for three small plastic hoops. Carefully aiming, he took his time as he tossed each hoop, one by one, only for the first two to bounce away and fall in between the targets uselessly. Rin cursed as he ended up with only his third and final hoop landing over one of the larger, easier targets. He deflated as the clerk handed him a much smaller stuffed animal than the one Shiemi had originally been eyeing. It looked like a potted flower with a smiley face.

            “…Sorry,” he said as he handed it to Shiemi, but she smiled brightly as she took it from him, nuzzling it against her cheek.

            “Thanks Rin! I think I’ll give it to Yuki-chan,” she said, “Yuki-chan is always so busy. He never has time to relax.”

            Rin winced, quickly forcing his grimace in to a smile. They continued on to the next stall, but Rin’s step was slightly heavier, slightly slower, as if someone had just filled his shoes with lead. He didn’t take her hand again despite the thick crowd. When she asked if he wanted to take a break from the crowd and grab a bite to eat it actually took her a few attempts to get his attention. After they’d gotten some food and found a place to sit she watched him, silently eating as he stared off in to the distance.

 

            “Rin? Are you okay?” she asked, “You’ve been kind of quiet this last little while?”

            He sighed. He had hoped this would be like a date, that it would bring them closer together, but it had just served to remind him over and over how far apart they were.

            “Shiemi... How do you know if you're in love?” he asked hesitantly. She looked surprised for a split second before she smiled, getting a far off, wistful look in her eye. She blushed, looking demurely down at her hands, and Rin just knew that whoever she was thinking of, it wasn't him. It hurt. It hurt quite a bit to know that even though she was here with him now, he was only her second choice.

            Is this how Ryuuji felt? Damn, he'd been an ass.

            “Well… I don’t know for sure, but I think you’re in love when you always think of the other person. Whenever they’re around they have all your attention. Just thinking about them makes your heart race. You feel warm and comfortable, and you’d do anything to make them happy,” she said, blushing fiercely as she finished her little speech, “B-b-but that’s just what I think…”

            Rin thought over her words for a moment, comparing both Shiemi and Ryuuji against what she had said, and still came up confused. It seemed almost equally split. Ryuuji definitely made his heart race and even now—while he was still pissed at the other boy—he couldn’t stop thinking about him. Forget warm, he made Rin feel downright hot, but Shiemi fell more in to the warm and comfortable category, and Rin definitely felt that he’d do almost anything to make her happy. However, one thing that was blatantly obvious was that she did not feel the same. Even now she was still clearly thinking of his brother.

            “Rin? Are you okay?” she asked, taking his hand.

            “Y-yeah,” he said, plastering on the fake smile once more as he slipped his hand from hers. “Yeah, I’m good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd always thought a Siren was simply a beautiful woman with enchanted singing, but when I looked it up I found a lot of mixed information; some that seemed to basically equate Sirens and Mermaids, and even some that described them as being bird-like, like Harpies.  
> For the sake of my story I went with the version where they have mermaid tails in the water, which can split in to human legs once they dry out.


	9. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second day of the mission; just as boring as the last. But it gives Rin a lot of pointless time to think about his feelings before finally trying to really do something about it. And then shit goes wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, so sorry! This is such a late update. I have no excuse other than sheer laziness and procrastination.  
> Thanks as always for reading and to everyone who keeps reviewing.

            Rin was pinned down. A heavy weight sat across his back, holding his wrists and pressing him forward in to his sleeping bag. His pants were roughly yanked down around his hips and there was nothing he could do about it—just the way he liked it. Rough hands turned him over and Ryuuji towered above him. Somewhere in the back of his mind was a nagging voice, telling him they were still fighting, but he brushed it away. He didn’t know why Ruuuji had forgiven him. Maybe hadn't. Maybe he was still angry and taking his sexual frustrations out on Rin. That was okay too—maybe better than okay.

            He shivered, releasing a silent sigh and arching his back as Ryuuji roughly palmed his crotch, stroking him relentlessly, driving him towards orgasm.

            Rin woke with a start. He was covered in sweat and his breathing was ragged and his erection painfully hard. It took a moment for the fog of the dream to clear; for him to realize what was going on. Ryuuji was on the other side of the boy’s room, about as far from Rin as he could get, sleeping soundly.

_No, no, no._ Rin stared down at himself almost in disbelief. His cock throbbed as if remembering the touch from the dream. It had felt so real. Why couldn’t it be real? He had been this close to coming thanks to his stupid subconscious and now he had a problem. He could lie back and think unsexy thoughts until it went away, but he could still feel Ryuuji’s touch as if the other boy’s hands really had been on him and it wasn’t just the result of his pent up subconscious. Rin growled quietly. He was frustrated and angry—at himself more than anything—but he needed to get rid of that feeling.

            He shed his blankets and tip-toed past the other occupants in the room, feeling his way across the wall in the darkness until he found the bathroom. He locked the door behind himself and didn’t waste any time getting down to business—hands down the front of his pants almost instantly. He tried to put the dream out of mind. _Think of girls. Think of Shiemi_.

            He thought of her lying beneath him, smiling shyly and shivering as he ran his hands over her pale skin. He stroked himself as he thought of spreading her legs and plunging in to her warmth, finding release inside her. It was good, but not good enough. He was nowhere near as hard as the dream had left him. His blood was cooling. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._ This was _not_ how he wanted the problem to go away.

            He thought of Shiemi; fully clothed, but looking down on him, making him kneel before her, placing her foot on his head and forcing him face down in to the dirt. He thought of her restraining him—she’d have to use handcuffs. She wasn’t strong enough otherwise—and sitting on his face, using him the same way Ryuuji had used him many times now. _Yes, yes!_ His breath quickened as he imagined her using him like that and his blood boiled. He shivered as he stroked himself. He wondered briefly, right before he came, if he could convince her to wear leather, and then his mind went blissfully blank, wiping away the rising panic and the frustration.

            He took a moment to catch his breath, leaning against the sink beside the toilet, but as soon as his senses came back to him he was flooded with an overwhelming feeling of guilt.

            The first fantasy—the _normal_ one—had been closer to any seemingly possible reality, but normal wasn’t cutting it anymore. Ryuuji had called him a coward, and he was probably right. Even if he could work up the nerve to ask Shiemi out, to tell her how he really felt about her, there was no way he could ever ask her to do the things he wanted to do—the things that made him hot, that made him lose his mind. There was no way she _could_ do it. He could see her blushing madly as she stuttered out an apology, mortified by the mere suggestion of doing anything even remotely rough to him. Hell, even if she did agree to try, she’d probably apologize the whole way through.

            The whole incident left Rin feeling oddly hollow, unsatisfied, and ashamed.

            Why did this have to be so fucking hard?

            Rin choked back a quiet, frustrated sob as he laid his head in his hands and then took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. When he felt he was ready to leave the tiny room he flushed the toilet and washed his hands, splashing some water on his face for good measure, and pretended he’d just been going to the bathroom in case anyone was awake to notice his movements. He cracked the bathroom door open to darkness and silence, and then quietly returned to his bed, wondering why he had to go through all this alone.

* * *

            “I’ve got some bad news,” Yukio said over breakfast the next morning, “Another body was found washed up on shore. We need to get back to work and try to shut this down as quickly as possible.”

            A quiet murmur went up amid the group. Even after patrolling the beach all day yesterday, no one had noticed anything suspicious. None of them were looking forward to another boring day, fruitlessly wasted in the hot sun, yet shortly after eating they were all back outside, knowing they had work to do. Each group was assigned a new section of beach in the hopes that they’d find something that had been missed, but the day was just as uneventful as the last. By the time lunch rolled around, none of them were feeling especially useful.

            “This is stupid,” Rin whined after regrouping with Shiemi while Ryuuji went to go buy their group some food, “Missions are supposed to be fun.”

            “At least the weather is nice and the beach is beautiful,” Shiemi said as she sat on the hot sand beside him. “Besides, it’s actually good if nothing happens. It might not be a demon at all.”

            “I guess so, but I’m so bored,” Rin said. He flopped down against the sand like a starfish, “This isn’t even grunt work. I don’t feel like I’m doing anything useful. If only we could do _something_. Not to mention I feel like crap. I haven’t been sleeping well at all lately.”

            “Why not take a nap right now, while we’re on break?” she offered, “I’ll keep an eye out for anything suspicious.” She laughed lightly, and Rin smiled.

            “Thanks,” he said even as he tried to stifle a yawn, “That doesn’t sound like a bad idea.” He let his eyes slide shut as the warmth of the sun and the sound of the ocean and crowd washed over him. The beautiful white noise quickly lulled him to sleep.

            Ryuuji returned a few minutes later, carrying a plastic bag containing canned drinks and a jumbo Styrofoam box full of takoyaki from one of the festival stalls. He hesitated a few feet away, pausing at the sight of Rin sleeping peacefully while Shiemi watched over him. They really did make a cute couple. He stomped down on the ache in his chest and walked over to stand beside Shiemi. When she looked up at him, startled, he held a finger up to his mouth.

            “Let’s let him sleep a while longer,” he said softly as he passed her one of the drinks, and they sat together on the sand, quietly eating the balls of deep fried octopus as Rin snored on the sand beside them.

            “You like him, don’t you?” Shiemi suddenly asked, breaking the silence after they had finished eating; setting aside one third of the takoyaki for Rin when he woke up.

            “I…” Ryuuji’s eyes widened, caught off guard by the question. She was more perceptive than he gave her credit for. “It doesn’t matter,” he finally said, running his hand through his hair as he glanced down at the sleeping boy. Shiemi frowned.

            She grabbed his hand, startling him as she stared at him intensely before speaking. “I’ll… I’ll s-s-support you like you supported me!”

            He squeezed her hand lightly, before letting it go. “Thanks, but don’t,” he said. He didn’t want Rin to think he was still sabotaging him. As much as it hurt to think of the two of them together, to be forced to continue to work with them like nothing had happened between the two of them, he wasn’t angry. He didn’t want Rin to suffer in some sort of twisted attempt to get revenge just because he was unhappy. He stood, dusting the sand from his swim trunks, “Wake Rin and have him eat. I’m going back to patrolling.” He strolled off across the beach without another word, leaving Shiemi confused as she stared at his retreating form. She shook herself and turned back to Rin, nudging him gently. He shot up in an instant.

            “I wasn’t sleeping, I swear!” he said groggily, before glancing around and realizing where he was. He rubbed his eyes.

            “Where’s Ryuuji?” he asked.

            “He’s gone back to work,” she said, handing Rin a drink along with the left over takoyaki. “We already ate.”

            “You guys just let me sleep?” he asked as he began to eat. Shiemi nodded, and Rin scowled thoughtfully even as he chewed the fried octopus balls.

            “I guess we better get back to work,” he said when he had finished eating. Shiemi nodded and they stood together to throw away their trash and get back to work when Konekomaru suddenly ran up to them, sweating and out of breath.

            “Where’s Bon?” he asked, “We need help!”

            “What is it? Rin asked as he reached for Kurikara instinctively, before reminding himself that he could hardly draw his sword in the middle of a crowded beach.

            “It’s Shima! He’s been bewitched by the siren!”

            Shiemi quickly got Ryuuji’s attention and Konekomaru lead the three of them to where he, Shima and Izumo had been patrolling their section of the beach. When they got there they found a red faced Shima, and Izumo, laughing so hard she was doubled over as tears pricked the corners of her eyes.

            “Where is she?” Ryuuji asked.

            Rin had his hand on his sword and both he and Ryuuji were looking around for their target, ready for a fight.

            “False alarm, guys,” Shima said, trying to wave them off.

            “It was-” Izumo was cut off as Shima clamped a hand over her mouth, even as he continued to blush right up to his ears.

            “It was nothing. It was just- Ow!” He said as Izumo bit his hand.

            “She was a prostitute!” Izumo shouted, pointing at Shima and laughing.

            “But…” Konekomaru protested, blushing, “She bewitched you… She was leading you away to…” The entire circle of exwires blushed as the truth dawned on them.

            “You actually thought she was in to you, didn’t you?” Izumo continued to laugh.

            “Very funny,” Shima scowled, “Let’s get back to work.”

            “Pfft-”

            Shima looked over to where Ryuuji was trying to stifle his own laughter. “Not you too,” Shima said, sighing.

            “It is pretty funny,” Ryuuji finally said, as everyone started to laugh at the lightheartedness of the situation. They’d all come running, expecting the worst. As the situation dawned on them, even Shima started laughing before they finally calmed down and split up to go back to work.

            It was good for their overall morale, but at the end of the day they all returned back to the inn, exhausted after another day of failure.

“At least our reports will be easy,” Shima said, folding his head behind his head, “I could even just send in an exact copy of yesterday’s report.”

            “Don’t forget the hooker,” Izumo said as she smirked slyly at him, enjoying the way his lazy smile crumpled in to a frown at the reminder, “I’ll be including that in my report, and I bet Konekomaru will as well, so you’ll get in trouble if you omit it.”

            “You guys are so mean,” Shima continued to whine as the others laughed, and they made their way inside to eat dinner, but Rin lagged behind. Everyone else was trying to keep their spirits up despite the fact that they all expected to find another body. Two days of patrolling had turned up nothing worthwhile, but that wasn’t why Rin was dragging his feet. After what had happened the other night at the festival, and after his dream, Rin was not eager to spend time with Shiemi or Ryuuji. He’d been perfectly happy with the current state of his life before all the shit with Ryuuji had started. He needed to get his mind off the prospect of dating and sex and just go out and enjoy the company of his friends. Ryuuji and Shiemi… They were still his friends, but right now a little distance from the both of them could only help.

            With that in mind, he sat with the Kyoto Trio during dinner, but made sure that Konekomaru and Shima were between him and Ryuuji. He ate, he laughed at Shima’s jokes, and he didn’t bother sniping back when his brother nagged at him not to slack off and to remind him about the mission report he had to write for the day, as if he’d forgotten. Above all, he tried to keep his eyes off either Ryuuji or Shiemi. When Ryuuji wasn’t obviously ignoring him, the other boy would shoot him a glare as if to ask what the hell he was doing even looking in his general direction. Shiemi—bless her—just didn’t pay him any attention at all unless the flow of conversation made it necessary. It wasn’t like she was ignoring him, but her attention was squarely focused on Yukio, and that alone was painful.

            Part of Rin just wanted to curl up and go to sleep and spend no more time with anyone else than he had to, but his dream had taught him that trying to run away and letting his problems fester was dangerous. Instead, he was going to go to the festival, even if he damn well went by himself, and he was going to have fun!

            It didn’t come to that though. While Rin was trying to think up a way to broach the topic of going to the festival, Ryuuji excused himself from the group, citing an oncoming migraine. Shima didn’t hesitate to invite Rin in his stead. Rin was thankful, in more ways than one. It meant that no matter what was going on between Rin and Ryuuji, the older boy was keeping the hostility to himself. Even if Shima and Konekomaru picked up on it, Ryuuji wasn’t actively leading the group to shun him. It was actually a huge relief, and Rin eagerly accepted Shima’s invitation, looking forward to an evening that would be completely free of romance and all related worries.

            Or so he thought. As they walked through the brightly lit festival streets Shima wouldn’t stop talking about women. Rin wasn’t sure what else he’d been expecting. The other boy was excitedly and constantly fawning over any girls who were even remotely cute, singing the praises of a beach festival during the summer—skimpy bathing suits! Rin tried to go along with it at first. Girl watching would ordinarily be something he enjoyed doing, but he wasn’t in the mood and it only served to remind him of what exactly he felt like he was missing right now. At least Konekomaru was there to provide someone for Rin to talk to about something other than dating.

            “So?” Shima asked suddenly, “What was with that kiss the other day?”

            Rin flushed, jerking around to look at the other boy. “W-what- That- It was nothing,” he said, stumbling over his own words and blushing bright red. He’d been hoping that everyone had forgotten about that.

            “Didn’t look like nothing,” Shima said, digging his elbow in to Rin’s side. The half demon shoved him away, scowling.

            “Don’t tease him,” Konekomaru said admonishing Shima, and then turned to Rin, “Don’t worry. We don’t care. We already knew Bon was gay.”

            “What? I-I’m not…” he said, blushing and fumbling with his hands

            “Yeah I’m just giving you a hard time,” Shima said with a laugh, slapping Rin on the back and knocking the wind from his lungs, “I just never pegged you for that type of guy.”

            “I’m not! I like women!” Rin shouted adamantly, only to blush and duck his head as he started to draw stares from the surrounding crowd. Shima just laughed.

            “Bi then? I get it,” he said, “So we can still girl watch.” Shima laughed and Rin cautiously gauged the other boys’ reactions. He wasn’t gay, damn it! He wasn’t attracted to men, but… In some small way he was quietly reassured by how quickly the topic died, and by how little either of them cared. On the inside Rin didn’t even feel like the same person. His time with Ryuuji had changed him, and he wasn’t sure it was for the better. He felt constantly trapped and frustrated, but neither Shima nor Konekomaru seemed to notice or care and that felt good. It wasn’t long before he felt himself laughing honestly and playing along as Shima continued trying to flirt with random women from the festival, but he was almost relieved when Shima left their group to attempt to pick up chicks by himself. He couldn’t do it as casually as Shima could—just pretend the rejection didn’t sting and move on to the next target when he didn’t even care about the person. Perhaps that’s what made it easy for Shima, but for Rin to be rejected by two people he cared about in quick succession… Romance had been the topic he was trying to avoid and it seemed like everywhere he turned, something was waiting to remind him.

            “I guess it’s just us, then,” Rin said, breaking the awkward silence.

            “Actually…” Konekomaru said, trailing off as he fidgeted, “I should probably follow him and make sure he doesn’t get himself in to trouble.

            Rin sighed as the smaller boy left his side to push through the crowd, quickly on Shima’s trail. He wasn’t too surprised though. Konekomaru wasn’t the most confident person to begin with and Rin always got the impression he intimidated the small monk, even when the whole group had made up after everything that happened in Kyoto. He was alone in the end after all. Oh well. He had a fool proof plan to drown his sorrows in a funnel cake induced sugar coma.

            That is, until he spotted a familiar blonde head of hair bobbing through the crowd. Their eyes locked, and Shiemi smiled brightly through the crowd as she waved to him. Rin smiled instinctively in response even as his heart clenched as she approached him. He wasn’t even sure if he was nervously excited, or still feeling the pain of her unspoken rejection. Maybe the fact that it was unspoken was part of the problem. As much as Ryuuji’s rejection still hurt, it had been clear—you couldn’t get much clearer than a punch in the face—and he knew where the two of them stood. Things with Shiemi weren’t that transparent.

            “Rin!” She glanced around as she noticed he was alone. “Weren’t you with Konekomaru-kun and Shima-kun?” she asked.

            “I think I got ditched,” he joked, smiling lopsidedly. He wasn’t overly upset. Quite frankly, he’d just been using the boys as a way to distract himself and that hadn’t been working out anyways. “Actually, I’m glad I ran in to you,” he said, clenching his fists at his side as he gathered his resolve. He could face demons down fearlessly. He wasn’t a coward. “There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

            She nodded, giving him her full attention, and Rin led them somewhere quiet, away from the crowded streets so they could talk. His heart was pounding. He could do this.

            “What is it?” she asked when they were alone.

            Rin took a deep breath. “Shiemi… I…” he trailed off, his resolve wavering, but she waited patiently, sensing the weight of what he was trying to say. He wanted to say “love”, but the word somehow got stuck in his throat. It didn’t feel right, not when he felt the same way about Ryuuji. He dug his nails in to the palm of his hands. The sharp pain grounded him. “I… I like you!”

            “I like you too, Rin,” she said without hesitation as she smiled warmly at him, but he knew she didn’t mean it the same way.

            “No!” He snapped, and guilt gripped his heart as she flinched at his sudden outburst, but he pressed on. He wanted there to be absolutely no confusion. “I mean, I _like_ like you. A lot.” He watched as her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. She gasped quietly, her mouth floundering like a fish as she tried to find a response.

            “Oh… Rin-”

            “Okumura-kun! Moriyama-san!” Konekomaru burst through the crowd, running up to them frantically just like he had earlier that day. This time his face was white, and the fear was clear in his eyes. He stopped in front of them, leaning on his knees as he panted, trying to catch his breath.

            “What’s wrong?” Shiemi asked. Whatever she’d been about to say to Rin had been forgotten.

            “You have to come,” he said in between gasping breaths, “It’s Shima-kun. He’s in danger!”

            Rin didn’t even have to ask. He could tell that this time was different. All Konekomaru had to do was point the way and they were running, trying to reach him before it was too late.


	10. Clarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit hits the fan.  
> Some people talk and some issues get resolved, while other issues just become clearer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, we're in the home stretch now for this story arc!  
> This one was tough. I hope you enjoy.  
> As always thanks for reading and reviewing.

            Ryuuji had been sitting on a bench in front of the boardwalk, enjoying the cool night air and the sounds of the crowd. He didn’t have a migraine. He had lied. He’d seen the way Rin had been moping before dinner and thought it would be good to give him some space, to let him enjoy hanging out with his friends like he hadn’t been able to in a long time; not since before they started whatever the hell it was they’d started doing together. Ryuuji didn’t need the excitement of the crowd the same way Shima did either. Instead he was simply people watching from a distance, which is how he didn’t miss the shock of pink hair as Shima slipped through the crowded boardwalk with a woman at his side.

            Ryuuji couldn’t make out her features in the low light, but her hair was far too long to be either Shiemi or Izumo. A strange sense of apprehension lit in Ryuuji’s gut as he lost sight of them in the crowd. What the hell was the purpose of a direct warning if Shima would trust anything with a pretty face and a pair of tits?

            “That damn idiot,” Ryuuji said with a sigh. He stood and dusted off his shorts and then began to follow the two of them. The feeling of apprehension continued to grow as he failed to find Shima. His pink hair should have made him stand out like a beacon in the sea of dark haired Japanese, so why couldn’t he find him?

            Following a hunch, Ryuuji headed towards the beach, hoping that he was simply being paranoid. He wasn’t. A pair of fresh footprints led towards the shoreline and Ryuuji broke in to a run.

            He got there just in time to see Shima’s head being forced underwater by the woman. Her long wavy hair cascaded down her shoulders and over the delicate forearms holding Shima down. There didn’t appear to be anything supernatural about it. There was no singing, and as far as Ryuuji could tell she was perfectly human, even after being drenched with saltwater.

            Shima thrashed, his arms coming desperately up above the edge of the surf as he tried to grab her arms, to remove her grip from around his throat. Ryuuji barrelled forward with a shout, charging in to the water and shoulder checking the woman. She looked up at him in shock, even as she lost her grip on the other boy, and Ryuuji was surprised to recognize it was the woman from the other day; the girl they had all helped.

            Her shock turned to anger and with a shout she reached for Ryuuji, grabbing him and dragging him down with her. He raised his arms to block her grab at his neck, but even after only getting a grip on one of his arms she was able to wrestle him down, getting Ryuuji on to his knees before finally getting a better hold on him. He began to panic, struggling as she forced him down, the cool ocean water lapping at his face as she began to drag him to deeper water. He didn’t have any of his gear with him, though his guns would already be waterlogged and useless at this point. He frantically tried to recognize what she was as he continued to wrestle her, to discern what aria he should recite to slay her, but he was coming up empty. She wasn’t a siren. He knew that much now, as useless as that information was to him.

            He tasted salt water and instinctively held his breath. It was too late to recite anything as she forced him under. He lashed out, trying to kick her, to dislodge her grip, but the water slowed his attacks, and she ignored them even as they connected weakly. He tried to plant his feet firmly, to simply stand and get his head back above water, but the slimy kelp beneath his feet and the rocking motion of the ocean waves made it impossible for him to right himself against the uneven sand, to get the firm stance he needed to force himself up. His lungs were burning as he grabbed at her, trying to pull her down with him, hoping to god she couldn’t breathe underwater. He wasn’t going down without a fight.

 

* * *

 

            Rin, Shiemi and Konekomaru arrived at the beach just in time to see Shima crawling from the surf.

            “Shima! Are you okay?” Konekomaru shouted, running to his friend’s side.

            Shima continued to cough, clearing the water from his lungs. “B-bon. H-He saved me,” he said, looking over his shoulder, only for his face to turn white. There was nobody else there. The dark waves continued to crash against the sand, drowning out all other sound.

            Rin felt an icy hand reach inside his chest and squeeze his heart as he looked out over the empty ocean. He couldn’t breathe. The air around him was suffocating, pressing in on him. He didn’t know what to do, so he did the only thing he could. He drew his sword and let the comforting warmth of his flames lick at his body as he lashed out, shooting a burst of blue flame out across the ocean and briefly illuminating the surrounding water. There was nothing to see. Dark water stretched on until it disappeared against the equally black horizon.

            “Ryuuji!” He lashed out again, screaming as he shot his flames in a different direction across the ocean, and then again, and again, but there was nothing to see. There was nothing to attack. It wasn’t like the time with the kraken. There was no monstrously large target for him to stand on or aim at; nothing to chop up in to tiny pieces until it stopped moving. There was nothing but dark, unforgiving ocean.

            Rin fell to his knees in the sand, clutching at his chest, biting back another cry of desperation. Everyone was staring at him, he could feel it. He wasn’t going to cry. Not yet. Not in front of the others.

            “Nee-chan!” Shiemi shouted, summoning the tiny greenman familiar as she charged forward in to the surf. She ignored the boys as they called out to her, warning her of the danger, and thrust Nee forward. A burst of kelp exploded from the small greenman’s chest, reaching in to the dark waters. Rin held his breath as he stood by uselessly, waiting for something to happen. The surf suddenly exploded as two bodies were pulled forth, entangled in Nee’s hold.

            Rin surged to his feet, running to Ryuuji’s side and dragging him from the water as the kelp continued to entangle the struggling girl. She thrashed against her bindings, screaming. It was a guttural, animalistic noise filled with rage and desperation.

            “My coat!” she cried, baring her teeth, “They stole it! They said they’d help me find it, but they’re all liars!”

            Shiemi approached the girl, instructing Nee to make sure she was secure, but Rin was no longer paying any attention to the rest of the group. He fell at Ryuuji’s side, grabbing him by his jacket and shaking him.

            “Wake up!” Rin cried desperately. Ryuuji wasn’t moving. It wasn’t fair. They had the monster so why wasn’t he waking up? Tears began to stream down his cheeks. He didn’t bother wiping them away and his tears fell, mingling with the salt water that soaked Ryuuji’s clothes.

            “Stop it! That’s not helping,” Konekomaru said as he slapped Rin’s hands away. Rin was in shock and was barely conscious of it as he let himself be moved aside so Konekomaru could take up his position beside Ryuuji. He watched as the small boy took a deep breath to calm himself. A look of utter determination settled across his face as he took Ryuuji’s pulse, and then leaned in close over his face, checking for signs of breathing. He then began steadily applying mouth-to-mouth without further hesitation. Rin watched, dazed and unable to do anything else, trying to simply will Ryuuji awake. Shiemi stepped up beside him, placing her hand on Rin’s shoulder. The woman continued to scream in thrash in the background, but Rin wasn’t aware of any of it. He wasn’t even aware he was holding his breath as his consciousness focused down to a pinpoint, centered on the unconscious boy lying in front of him.

            Konekomaru switched back and forth between mouth-to-mouth and chest compressions. The tiny bald monk was sweating despite the cool night air. Shiemi bit her lip as she began to sob quietly at Rin’s side. The agonizing moment stretched on until Ryuuji suddenly convulsed, his eyes snapping open as he began to cough, trying to breath around a lungful of liquid. Konekomaru helped him to his side as Ryuuji began to vomit up a mixture of seawater and bile.

            With little warning, Rin fell on him, wrapping his arms around Ryuuji and clinging to him as he cried. Konekomaru tried to pry him off, but Ryuuji shook his head and let it happen. He knelt in the wet sand, trying to catch his breath as Rin cried against his back, clinging to him as if he might disappear.

            “Nii-san, you need to let go. The medics are here,” Yukio said, and Rin looked up, surprised to see they suddenly had a crowd of spectators. His brother and a handful of senior exorcists had arrived, along with civilians from the nearby festival. He hadn’t noticed their arrival in spite of the dull murmur of the crowd as they gathered around the group in curiosity and Rin suddenly panicked, reaching for his sword only to realize that Shima had already sheathed it when he wasn’t paying attention.

            He reluctantly released Ryuuji as the medics began to check him over. They loaded him on to a gurney even though Ryuuji was conscious and began to take him away. When Rin started to follow after them Yukio stopped him.

            “Let me go!” Rin snapped, his voice shaking and he yanked his sleeve away from his brother. “Where are they taking him? Isn’t he going to be okay?”

            “Nii-san, calm down. They’re just taking him back to the inn,” Yukio said, “The lungs are delicate organs. He’ll probably be okay, but he should remain under supervision.”

            Rin clenched his fists, trying to calm himself down. He bit his lip, finally sighing in relief as he wiped his face on his sleeve. It wasn’t the first time he was thankful for his brother’s medical training. If Yukio said he’d be fine, then he’d be fine, but that wasn’t going to stop him from being at Ryuuji’s side. As soon as Yukio let his guard down Rin bolted, trying to catch up to Shima and Konekomaru who were already following the medics.

            Yukio let him go; grinding his teeth at his brother’s usual impulsiveness. It wouldn’t do to cause any more of scene, especially not as the number of civilian onlookers continued to increase. He turned to the demon girl who was still screaming and thrashing against the seaweed that held her. The senior exorcists began to secure her and the seaweed bonds were traded in for handcuffs and magic bindings before she was taken away.

            “What’ll happen to her?” Shiemi asked.

            “She’ll be exorcised as soon as they figure out what she is,” Yukio answered without even stopping to consider the implication of his words.

            Shiemi shivered. Her legs were still wet from standing in the surf, but there was something chilling about the way Yukio spoke. It was not often they faced monsters that looked completely human, and even though the girl had tried to kill them, she couldn’t help but pity her. She was obviously lashing out because she’d been hurt by someone else, but there would be no leeway, no matter what her circumstances were. She was a non-human who had killed humans. She would be dealt with.

 

* * *

 

            “Where’s Bon?” Rin asked as soon as he spotted Shima and Konekomaru inside the inn. He needed to make sure he was safe; to see him with his own eyes.

            Shima and Konekomaru both looked up at him—startled—before Shima pointed nonchalantly to a door just as it opened. The two doctors who’d taken Ryuuji away exited through it and Rin was instantly upon them.

            “Where is he?!” Rin shouted, “Is he going to be okay?!”

            The two men flinched away from him, shocked by Rin’s intensity and well aware of the rumors and gossip that surrounded him. Shima and Konekomaru moved to intervene immediately.

            “Don’t mind him, he’s just worried,” Shima said, positioning himself between Rin and the other exorcists. “We all are, so tell us how he’s doing?”

            “He’s-” the man stopped to clear his throat, eyeing Rin warily as if he would attack at any moment. “He’s doing well, but we need to watch him overnight to be safe. You can go in and see him if you want.”

            Without further invitation Rin pushed past them and opened the door, only to freeze in the threshold. Ryuuji was lying motionlessly on the bed with his eyes closed; as still as he had been on the beach. Rin’s heart swelled with anxiety until Ryuuji peeked an eye open, staring up at him. Rin breathed a sigh of relief. Aside from his ashen skin and the dark, tired looking rings under his eyes he looked fine; alive.

            Rin had the impression that he’d run to Ryuuji’s side, holding the other boy close as he told him how worried he’d been about him—how he felt like his heart had been crushed, but now, somehow, everything would be okay—but seeing Ryuuji just lying there limply made that sense of urgency drain from his body. As if the adrenaline had suddenly left him, he felt shaky and weak, but he still had to tell him how he felt.

            “You coming in or not?” Ryuuji asked, and Rin flinched. Ryuuji’s voice was raspy and languid; the single sentence seemingly taking a lot out of him.

            After gathering his courage Rin approached Ryuuji’s side. He heard Shima and Konekomaru enter the room behind him.

            “How ‘ya feeling?”

            “Never better,” Ryuuji said, rolling his eyes. “M’ chest hurts like hell.”

            Rin stood by the edge of his bed awkwardly, fidgeting with his hands. Ryuuji sat on the bed; his hands lay loosely at his sides. Rin itched to reach out and touch him, to take his hand, but with the other two boys behind him he didn’t dare.

 

            "I..." Rin trailed off as the other boys moved past him in to the room to fawn over Ryuuji. Shima began to dramatically sob his apologies while Konekomaru and Ryuuji half-heartedly berated him over having endangered both their lives. Rin stepped closer to Ryuuji's side and surreptitiously tried to brush his hand against Ryuuji's where it lay at the edge of the bed, but Ryuuji pulled his hand away before he could touch him. Rin looked up at Ryuuji, pain flitting across his face, but the other boy wasn't even looking at him. Rin tried to convince himself it was a coincidence.

            "Can I talk to you?” Rin asked, drawing everyone’s attention, “Alone?"

            "Now?" Ryuuji asked. He glanced at the other two boys, before letting his eyes slide down the scratchy linens on his bed, as if he was afraid to look up at Rin, “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

            "But-"

            "He's right,” Konekomaru said, cutting Rin off and surprising the entire group with his protective intensity, "Bon has been through a lot. He needs to rest. Whatever you have to say can wait, can’t it?"

            “I… Yeah,” Rin said, ducking his head and hiding his pained expression, “It can wait.” Rin turned and left the room. He didn’t know why, but it felt like Ryuuji had just rejected him again.

 

* * *

 

            Head down, he didn’t notice Shiemi until she was almost upon him. Embarrassment flooded him as he remembered their interrupted conversation and his first instinct was to turn and flee back in to the room with the boys, but that wasn’t any better of an option than simply facing her. He was still wavering on what to do when she looked up and met his eyes. She gave him a tiny smile as she approached him.

            “How is he?” she asked, motioning to the room he had just exited.

Rin glanced over her shoulder at the closed door before his eyes fell back to her. “He’s… okay.” Less than an hour ago he had confessed his feelings to her, and yet now the only person he wanted to talk to was Ryuuji. He opened his mouth and then shut it, biting his lip as he scratched awkwardly at the back of his head. He took a breath and tried again.

            “Shiemi, I -”

            “Rin-”

            They spoke at the same time and both stopped, an awkward silence filling the gap. Rin sighed.

            “Shiemi, about before… What I said to you…” How did he say this? He had meant what he said, but now he wanted to take it back. He liked her, he really did, but he also liked Ryuuji and the fact that he couldn’t be with him right now was almost painful. That was the clarity he needed. That was what had been missing from Shiemi’s love equation. He didn’t just think about Ryuuji all the time. It hurt to be away from him. He liked Shiemi, but the pain he’d felt had come from being rejected, not from her mere absence. The pain of Ryuuji’s rejection, even the punch to the face, was not comparable to the merciless ache Rin felt inside his heart. Lashing out against Ryuuji, being with Shiemi; they were all weak attempts to fill that ache; ineffectual, like putting a Band-Aid over a stab wound. When he thought Ryuuji was dead—that he would never see him again, never be able to fill that void—the truth had become achingly clear.

            “You love him, don’t you?” Shiemi said suddenly, her airy voice breaking in to Rin’s troubled thoughts.

            “What?”

            “You’re in love with Suguro-kun.”

            “No,” Rin said, his cheeks burning as he instinctively denied it. He ducked his head, hiding his embarrassment. Why did he continue to lie to everyone? To himself? He sighed, trying to let the tension ease out of his body before he looked up at her from under his bangs. “How did you know?” he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

            “I-I-I didn’t,” she said, suddenly conscious of her unusual boldness, “N-not really. I just had a feeling, but…” She fidgeted quietly as she took in Rin’s form; his downturned head, his hunched shoulders quietly shaking as he tried to supress whatever it was he was feeling. “I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but it hurts me seeing either of you like this.”

            “It’s not like I can just make him like me,” Rin spat.

            “But… he feels the same way.”

            “How do you know?” Rin asked, looking up at her with wide eyes, “Did he tell you?”

            “Not exactly…” she said, “But you should just talk to him.”

            “I can’t!” Rin shouted as tears pricked at his eyes, “I tried, just now, but he keeps turning me away. It’s no use! I might as well just-”

            His eyes widened as she placed a finger against his mouth, silencing him. She smiled sadly before wrapping her arms around him in a hug and pulling his head down to rest against her shoulder. Rin didn’t know what to think as Shiemi’s hand rubbed comforting circles against his back. She was warm and smelled nice; an odd mix between the smell of a kitchen and the bathroom medicine cabinet; somehow homey. He wondered idly if this was what it felt like to have a mother and slowly circled his arms around her waist.

            After a moment of comfortable silence they separated.

            “You said he’s going to be okay, right? Give it some time. Let him rest, and then just tell him how you feel. He’ll listen,” she said and this time she smiled warmly at him; an honest full hearted smile, the kind that made her shine. She then left him standing there in the quiet hallway to wonder exactly how it was that she seemed to know more about his feelings than he did.

 

* * *

 

            When Rin returned to the common room Yukio was waiting for him. “Nii-san, we need to talk,” Yukio said, and Rin braced himself.

             “What is it, four-eyes?” Rin asked, trying to keep his voice calm and genial, but he lacked the necessary energy and interest to fake a smile. He wasn’t in the mood to listen to his brother’s usual nagging, but he would humor him for the time being and get it over with as quickly as possible.

            “I’ve been informed that a lot of civilians have reported instances of St. Elmo’s fire along the coast line,” Yukio said, eying his brother sharply.

            “Wha…?” Rin’s brow scrunched in annoyed confusion as he tried to decipher his brother’s words. He didn’t have time for this. “What’s that?”

            “It’s a meteorological phenomenon in which highly ionized air creates the appearance of blue lightning or flames on structures at sea.”

            “Oh,” Rin said, his mouth dropping open in quiet speculation. “That’s neat, I guess,” He said with a shrug. He didn’t know why his brother was telling him this, but he knew he’d missed something obvious as soon as Yukio let his head fall back with a groan, his shoulders slumping.

            “It’s you, idiot!” Yukio said as he pinched the bridge of his nose, “You used your flames, didn’t you?”

            “I didn’t have a choice,” Rin said automatically, even though that wasn’t the whole truth. He’d certainly felt like he didn’t have a choice, but his efforts had been useless, driven by a primal urge to act when there was nothing he could do to help. “What does it matter anyways? If people think it’s that Elmo’s Fire stuff, then there’s no need to worry.”

            “It matters because you always do this,” Yukio said, “So it didn’t cause a problem this time, but what about in the future? You never think!”

            Rin just hung his head as his brother continued to berate him. He didn’t even have an excuse. His brother was right. He hadn’t been fighting. He hadn’t even been at risk of going berserk. He’d simply been venting the frustration and powerlessness he felt over his inability to do anything to help Ryuuji—to help someone he cared about. Why didn’t Yukio get that?

            “You put me in a really difficult position when you do things like this,” Yukio said as he heaved a sigh, “Do you expect me to lie in my report just because it’s convenient? You barely think about the personal consequences of your actions, I don’t know why I expect you to think of how they’ll affect others.”

            “I DO think of others,” Rin shouted, throwing his hands up in Yukio’s face, “What the hell do you think I was doing on that beach?! I’m sorry you think somebody’s life is less important that your stupid paperwork!” Rin shouted as he turned to leave.

            “Nii-san, you know that’s not what I meant,” Yukio said, but Rin wasn’t listening and he continued to stomp away. He didn’t care what Yukio had to say on the subject. It was always the same damn thing. Rin was the one whose life was in danger. He knew what the risks were. He was more aware of the risks than anyone and his brother acted like he was some kind of fucking moron that could easily forget his life was at stake and somehow inconvenience everyone else with that reality. True, he often played the fool when it came to the topic, but what sane person could possibly stay cheerful if they dwelled on the thought of being executed all the time?

            Rin dug his claws in to the palms of his hands, drawing blood as he tried to squash the anger and frustration he felt welling up inside him. He stormed in to the boy’s sleeping quarters, slamming the door shut behind him and throwing himself down on to his sleeping bag. He buried his face in to his pillow, muffling his scream of frustration. He had enough problems in his life without his brother’s nagging constantly reminding him of them; rubbing each little mistake in his face. Sometimes he wished he was as stupid as his brother seemed to think he was. At least then he might be able to actually forget about all his problems, but as it stood that wasn’t an option. The only times he’d ever actually been able to forget were when he was with Ryuuji.

            Rin sighed, throwing his arm over his face as he rolled on to his back. _Damn it._ He was definitely going to talk to Ryuuji. Rin was going to make him understand how he felt no matter what it took.


	11. Temporary Resolutions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Problems start to crystalize in unexpected places, while other problems finally get dealt with after much anticipation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright—wow... What a delay in updates. A whole month? Terrible. Just terrible, but this perfectly illustrates why I need the hiatus, which is starting now.  
> For those who don't read the comments, I basically had 6 chapters written prior to publishing this story, and have been slowly catching up to myself. I have only a tiny little joke chapter written beyond this point, and I'll be taking the hiatus to figure out where I want to go with the story, plan events out, and build up another backlog of chapters so I can keep a more consistant update schedule. However, I've got school and a lot of other stuff I need to work on too, so it's an indefinite hiatus. This story is absolutely not finished, and I will absolutely continue it, I just make no promises on when that will be. ^^;
> 
> Thanks to everyone for your continued support, comments, favs, what-have-yous, and in particular thank you to Love_Psycho for helping me with this chapter.
> 
> And yes, the demon was a Selkie. Internet cookies for Lilithium for being the first person to guess... Or at least the first person to comment about it... Oh, who am I kidding? Internet cooking for everyone!
> 
> Anyways, please enjoy the story~

            “Despite your best efforts to ignore orders, we managed to secure the demon with minimal injury,” Yukio said, scolding the group of Exwires as he debriefed them over breakfast. The entire group hung their heads as they mumbled their apology, even though it had been Shima’s screw up that nearly cost Ryuuji his life. They all knew how close they’d come to losing him; and over such a stupid mistake too.

            They’d completed their mission, yet none of them felt it was appropriate to celebrate. Even after resting overnight, Ryuuji still hadn’t been cleared for active duty. He felt much better, relatively speaking. Most of his strength had returned and the ache in his chest had dulled to an annoying reminder, but it infuriated him how weak he had felt and he couldn’t wait to get back to work to forget about it.

            It didn’t help that Rin was being especially weird—Ryuuji caught the other boy staring at him more than once, but Rin continued to keep his distance, constantly fidgeting in Ryuuji’s peripheral. He suspected it was because Rin still wanted to speak to him alone, but Shima and Konekomaru weren’t leaving his side. Frankly, Ryuuji wasn’t keen on sending them away. Shima, for once, actually seemed contrite about having made such a huge screw up and not just because Yukio had shown up shortly after Rin left the room last night to chastise the boy for endangering everyone’s lives.

            In a way though, Ryuuji was glad to have been the sacrificial lamb. If things hadn’t gone the way they did, they’d be no closer to catching the demon. It would have been some other guy in his position and that poor bastard’s body would probably be washed up on shore right about now. Instead the mission was over and they could all work on putting this ordeal behind them.

            “Nii-san, are you listening?” Yukio asked, and Rin flinched harshly under his brother’s scrutiny. He’d been watching Ryuuji, trying to be subtle—peering at him out of the corner of his eyes and stealing glances when he thought Ryuuji’s attention was focused elsewhere—and had filtered out the sound of his brother’s nagging voice.

            “O-of course,” Rin said. His eyes flicked briefly back to Ryuuji and he flushed when he noticed he was now the one being watched.

            Yukio cocked his brows, obviously unconvinced. “Then why don’t you recap what I just said.”

            Rin blushed even harder, stammering as he glanced at all the people now watching him, clearly trying to recall the words that had just gone in one ear and out the other. “Uh… You said that… The other exorcists interrogated the demon… and they figured out what she is, but… I don’t understand where the half horse part comes in to it,” Rin finished, looking hopefully up at his brother.

            Ryuuji had to resist the urge to face palm, and Yukio took a deep calming breath as he lifted his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to stave off the headache only his brother could induce.

            “What in God’s name are you talking about?” Yukio finally asked, looking sideways at Rin. It seemed impossible for Rin to get any redder, but he somehow managed it.

            “B-but you said…”

            “You’re thinking of a Kelpie, idiot,” Ryuuji interjected, and Rin turned to look at him apprehensively, confusion still clear in his eyes. Ryuuji sighed, feeling guilty for the insult and berating himself for always feeling the need to come to Rin’s rescue. He felt guilty about being the source of Rin’s distraction—he was actually avoiding him after all—but that didn’t mean he was eager to deal with the problem. “Selkie; not kelpie,” he said again, softening his tone, “A kelpie is a half horse, half fish demon. Selkie’s are seals that can take human form. You’ve got them mixed up.”

            “O-oh…” Rin said as a small smile of relief crept on to his face. Ryuuji grew warm at the sight of that smile and he tore his eyes away from the younger boy. No, he was most definitely not looking forward to a private conversation with Rin.

            “Anyways,” Yukio interrupted, “It doesn’t matter. The mission has been completed and we’ve been booked on another evening train, but in honor of your respect for the rules you’re all confined to the inn until we depart.” Yukio paused to let his students groan in annoyance and then added smugly, “Unless you want to volunteer to help clear out the Selkie infestation.” He already had a good idea of who would volunteer, and he wasn’t surprised to see Ryuuji raising his hand. He did raise a brow when Rin’s hand shot up a second later.

            “It’s nice to see you showing some initiative for once, Nii-san,” Yukio said, and Rin smirked, holding his head high until Yukio turned to Ryuuji. “Suguro-kun, I appreciate you volunteering, but you haven’t been cleared for duty yet. Please rest up for now.”

            “But!” Rin started to protest, only to bite his lip as Yukio turned to look at him suspiciously.

            “What is it, Nii-san?”

            Rin looked incredibly conflicted, gritting his teeth before finally mumbling. “Nothing.”

            Yukio raised an eyebrow before shaking his head. “Would anyone else like to volunteer?” he asked.

            Shiemi and Izumo raised their hands.

            “Aww,” Shima whined, “You ladies should stay with us and keep us company while Bon isn’t feeling well.” He barely had time to flinch as Izumo rounded on him, punching him in the shoulder.

            “It’s your fault, moron,” she sniped before stomping off towards their rooms. Shima rubbed his arm, turning towards Ryuuji and Konekomaru with a pout.

            “Don’t look at me for sympathy,” Ryuuji said, glaring at Shima.

            “Aww, come on, Bon. You forgive me, right?” Shima implored, clasping his hands in front of him.

            Ryuuji shrugged. He didn’t hold it against him—he’d gotten used to Shima being Shima a long time ago, and it had been an accident after all—but it would do the other boy good to wallow in guilt a while longer. Either way, he was more concerned with the fact that Rin had clearly volunteered because Ryuuji had volunteered, as if trying to find a good opportunity to spend time with him. The fact that Rin was going to be out working would make it easy to avoid him, to put off the dreaded “talk”. He knew exactly what it would be about. There was only one thing it could be, that Rin couldn’t simply say in front of everyone else. They were going to talk about “them”, and Rin was going to beg him to take him back. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to. It was actually the exact opposite.

            When Ryuuji had regained consciousness and found Rin clinging to him, crying—if it wasn’t for the intense searing pain inside his waterlogged chest—he might have thought he was dreaming. Or dead.

            He’d been all too happy to let the other boy cling protectively to him; to feel the heat of his body through his soaked clothing, letting it warm him in the chill of the night air. That was the problem. He’d broken up with Rin for all the right reasons, and it had barely been three days since—nothing could have changed. Their relationship hadn’t only been taxing and stressful, it was blatantly unhealthy, and that wasn’t even counting the obvious one sided-ness of his affection. Yet… he couldn’t forget the enjoyable moments either; the feeling of the other boy in his arms, the way Rin looked at him sometimes, his eyes filled with lust or holding a hint of secret playfulness, the sounds he made when they were together, the way he laughed when they were alone. The problem was that those moments had gotten fewer and farther between as their relationship grew tenser. And he still missed it.

            He above everyone else in their class should have had the resolve to stand by his decision, but he had a gut feeling he’d simply cave if Rin asked him to take him back.

            He just knew that was what Rin wanted to talk about. He could feel the other boy staring a hole in the side of his head even now, but he refused to look up at him, because every time he saw Rin blush or shyly look away when caught staring Ryuuji’s heart skipped a beat.

            Where had this stupid sense of flirtatious hesitation suddenly come from? They’d had an intensely sexual relationship for months and now they were acting like a couple of… well… a couple of giddy teenagers. Ryuuji groaned, running a hand through his already mussed up hair and tried to put it all out of mind. “Let’s get out of here,” he said suddenly to Shima and Konekomaru. He didn’t wait for a response as he stood and began to leave the room, casting one last glance over his shoulder at Rin. He wasn’t sure how long he planned to avoid the other boy, but right now Rin’s mere presence was making his skin itch.

 

* * *

 

            “You two ready to get to work?” Yukio asked. He was already kitted out in all his exorcist gear, including his trench coat and doctor’s belt, and was in the process of counting out ammo for his handguns.

            “We not working on the beach today?” Rin asked as he eyed his brother’s attire.

            “We’ll be on the docks for the most part,” Yukio said, “But we don’t have the try to fit in or hide our presence anymore. The docks have been closed off while we’re working and we don’t have to worry about civilian interference.”

            “U-um, Yuki-chan,” Shiemi timidly raised her hand, “What does clearing out the Selkies actually involve?”

            “Oh,” Yukio said, noticing the way Shiemi was eyeing his guns, “I’m only bringing these as a precaution. Selkies are typically non-violent. It’s only when they’ve been separated from their skins that they become aggressive, like a cornered animal, so you needn’t worry.”

            “So what kind of special bullets you got for this? Anti-water ones?” Rin asked curiously “Do Selkies count as water spirits if they live in the ocean?”

            “No, Nii-san, they don’t,” Yukio said dryly, not bothering to correct his brother’s complete lack of understanding of demon categorization, “And these are simply iron bullets. Scottish fae are especially susceptible to weapons made of iron.”

            “What?!” Shiemi squeaked. Both boys turned to stare at her, and she blushed uncomfortably under their gaze, instantly self-conscious. “I-I mean… That’s just if they attack us, right?”

            “Of course,” Yukio said, “It’s just a precaution. One I doubt I’ll have to use, but it’s always best to be prepared. What we’ll mainly be doing is chasing them away with boiling water and setting up wards against their return.”

 _Scalding a living creature with boiling water_? Shiemi went pale. “B-but… That’s s-so…” she stuttered, trailing off as she clenched her fists in her skirt, “You said yourself, they’re typically not violent. Do we really have to clear them out?”

            “This whole incident proves the dangers of letting humans and monsters live side-by-side,” Yukio said. A loud click sounded throughout the now quiet common room as he finished loading his handguns. “In any case, they’re not human, so it doesn’t matter.”

            Shiemi bit her lip and glanced at Rin. The other boy was simply yawning, but he perked up as soon as he realized she was looking at him. Shiemi thought of the crying Selkie woman, and couldn’t help but remember the pain on Rin’s face after he’d called himself a monster inside the prison at the Myodha headquarters. How could Yukio say it didn’t matter?

            “Yuki-chan… I-Is it okay if I un-volunteer?” she asked quietly. Yukio looked at her, startled, as if noticing her discomfort for the first time.

            “That’s fine,” he said, placing his hand on her shoulder “I understand you all had a rough time last night. That’s why the mission was voluntary. There are plenty of other exorcists around to take care of the job if you’re not feeling well, so you needn’t worry.”

 _That’s not it._ She slowly turned her gaze upon him, almost afraid to look him in the eyes. He looked back at her curiously, concern edging in and creasing the corners of his eyes. He didn’t get it. She glanced at Rin. They had his attention now, but he was simply watching them curiously, as if trying to figure out what he’d missed.

            “How can you…” She trailed off, clenching her fists. Yukio was a middle first class exorcist and their teacher. This was their job—their responsibility. “…Never mind. G-good luck,” she said as she turned away from them.

            Yukio watched her hurry away before turning to Rin. “Are you ready to get to work?”

            Rin nodded vaguely, only half paying attention. He hadn’t spoken to Shiemi one-on-one since last night and he was still feeling slightly awkward around her, but something had seemed off. “Gimme a minute,” he said as he started in Shiemi’s direction.

            “What? We don’t have time,” Yukio said, but Rin was already rounding the corner, rolling his eyes as he ignored his brother’s protests. Leave it to Yukio, who could memorize any number of academic herbalist books and religious texts, to miss the obvious when it came to people.

            Rin found Shiemi leaning against the wall, staring pensively at one of her summoning papers. She quickly shoved it in her pocket and forced a smile as she noticed his approach.

            "You okay?" He asked, and she nodded maybe a bit too eagerly.

            "Of course. What about you?”

            "Me?" He asked, caught off guard by having his concern thrown back at him, "I haven't had a chance to talk to Ryuuji yet, and this mission sounds like it’ll be boring, but other than that, I’m good.”

            Shiemi nodded, smiled, and said nothing, but before Rin could question her further Yukio came around the corner and Rin was already turning, pre-emptively prepared for his brother’s nagging.

            “Nii-san, hurry up! We need to get to work.”

            “Coming!” Rin called. He eyed Shiemi once more, but her smile didn’t falter, so he left it.

            When she was finally alone once more she let the smile slide from her face.

            Before meeting Rin she’d thought all demons _were_ evil. It wasn’t even a question. However, since joining the academy she’d found he wasn’t even the sole exception; Kuro, Nee, Uke and Mike—they all made her doubt her old assumptions. But what about Rin? Did he still think of himself as a monster? Did it really not matter to him that his own brother could so callously say killing demons didn’t matter? Or did Rin have more faith in Yukio than she realized?

            Shiemi hung her head quietly, chastising herself for her wavering feelings. Yukio was probably right; it wasn’t safe for humans and demons to live together in most circumstances, but… had anyone given even the slightest thought to punishing the boys who had hurt the Selkie girl first?

 

* * *

 

            Rin marched resolutely down the docks towards a pack of seals, and just like every group before them they slid off the dock and slipped silently away in to the water on his approach. He sighed. It wasn’t like he was itching for a fight. He was sweaty, uncomfortable, and anxious. He’d thought the last couple of days had been hot? Now his uniform clung to his skin in all the worst places after wearing it all day in the hot sun. He’d accidentally volunteered himself for work he didn’t want to do, and it was just another thing keeping him from talking to Ryuuji. The longer the day stretched on, the more Rin felt like he was running out of time. He knew it wasn’t true, but that’s how it felt. On one hand, it would be easier for Ryuuji to avoid Rin once they got back to True Cross Town—more space, more places to run to or hide—but on the other hand, he couldn’t keep Shima and Konekomaru by his side forever. If Rin waited, he’d be able to catch Ryuuji off guard eventually.

            Rin shook his head. That was stalker thinking. He didn’t want to wait, at least not any longer than he had to, but he knew he should just resign himself to waiting until an opportunity came up naturally. Obsessing over it would only make the conversation more stressful when it finally happened.

            “What the heck are you waiting for?”

            Rin jumped, spinning to find Izumo standing right behind him, hands awkwardly planted on her hips as she tried to cut an imposing figure while carrying a hammer and a bucket containing nails and iron charms. She cocked her brows as she stared at him. When he didn’t answer she set the bucket down on the dock and then flicked him on the forehead.

            “Ow! What the fuck?”

            “That’s my line. You’ve been standing there staring off in to space, and we’ve got work to do. What’s the problem?

            "Sorry," Rin grumbled under his breath and then sighed heavily. Izumo eyed him suspiciously before kneeling at the edge of the dock and gesturing for Rin to get his ass in gear. He knelt behind her, holding her ankles as she leaned out over the edge and began nailing an iron ward to the side of the dock. It would rust very badly, very quickly, but it would keep the Selkies away. When she was finished she stood up, brushing the grunge from the underside of the dock off her hands. When she looked up Rin was staring forlornly out to sea instead of scaring off the next group if seals.

            Izumo snapped. "I don't know what's bothering you and I don't care, but you need to deal with it or get over it."

            "Nothing's bothering me," Rin said automatically, but he eventually withered as Izumo continued to glare him, finally breaking down and heaving a long suffering sigh.

            "Like I said; I don't care what your problem is, but right now you're just a hindrance to the mission.

            She was right. He couldn't go on like this; not indefinitely. He might be able to pull some semblance of focus together for a more serious mission, but his classroom performance would plummet. He had a hard enough time under the best of circumstances.

            He took a deep breath. Sooner than later; he would talk to Ryuuji as soon as he could. He would confront this head on and deal with it, and then... Well, if Ryuuji still refused him after hearing him out he'd get over it—try to, at least. That would suck, but it was a possibility he hoped he wouldn't have to face. For now he just had to keep walking forward.

  

* * *

 

            The train; it was a confined space that Ryuuji and Rin had to share. Once they were back at True Cross Academy all bets were off. It had to be now. Rin sat anxiously in his seat, fidgeting as he watched everyone else find theirs, and so it didn’t slip his notice that Shiemi shied away from Yukio as she quietly approached Rin’s seat. He shifted his legs to the side so she could scooch past him, unwilling to give up the aisle seat that gave him the freedom to come and go and the ability to discreetly watch the coming and going of the other passengers. She sat solemnly, head down, with her eyes fixed on her lap. She didn’t even greet him or ask him how the mission went. Rin glanced at his brother, who appeared to be doing a headcount, and then back at Shiemi.

            He cast one last glance at Ryuuji to make sure he knew where he was sitting, and told himself not to be paranoid—it’s not like the other boy could go anywhere—before turning his attention back to Shiemi.

            “Alright, what’s bothering you?” he asked, getting right to the point. Shiemi looked up at him, her eyes wide as if she’d somehow forgotten he was there.

            “N-n-nothing’s bothering me,” she said, but she glanced away from him, fidgeting with her hands before looking back up at him and sighing. “Rin… Do you enjoy being an exorcist?”

            He blinked, caught off guard by the sudden topic change, thought about it for a moment and then shrugged. “I like it okay,” he said with a lazy grin, “It gives me something to do, and I got my goal of defeating Satan, so I gotta’ keep at it. Why? Having second thoughts about enrolling?”

            “O-oh, no… Not exactly,” she said, glancing away from him again. She’d joined the academy to make friends and become a stronger person, and in that regard she was making strides, but even if she wasn’t totally loyal to the Vatican per se, she was beginning to have misgivings about their overall goals. Who was really in danger and who were they really protecting?

            Who was Yukio really protecting?

            If the Vatican turned around tomorrow and ordered Rin’s execution would he fight it? Or would he tell himself it was just another example of the dangers of mixing humans and demons?

            She swallowed a sigh and forced a smile; for Rin. He was the one whose life was on the line, who was working for an organization that would just as soon as see him dead.

            “Actually, I’m really glad I decided to become an exorcist,” she said, “Because I got to become friends with you.”

            Rin blushed, ducking his head as a huge grin spread across his face. Two days ago that declaration would have felt like a rejection to the friend zone, but now he could take it for what it was. No matter what happened with Ryuuji he knew that Shiemi would be there to support him, even if it was just as a platonic friend. He probably needed that more than anything.

            “Aww, geez,” he said, rubbing the back of his head as he tried to wave away her comment and failing miserably to cover his embarrassment. “I’m glad too… that we got to be friends.”

            They both smiled, laughing quietly, and this time there was nothing forced or hidden painfully beneath the surface in either of their expressions.

 

* * *

 

            This time when the lights on the train were dimmed and everyone started to go to sleep, Rin was ready. He waited—albeit impatiently—chatting with Shiemi until she fell asleep, and then biding his time until well after midnight; when the train was filled with only the sound of the wheels rolling steadily over the track, and soft, even breathing and the occasional snore or shuffle of someone trying to get comfortable in their seat.

            He stood, letting his eyes carry over every single passenger on the train. Everyone had their eyes closed. Some of them were even wearing sleeping masks, like they were used to this kind of overnight commute. Good. Maybe they’d have earplugs too.

            He stepped in to the aisle and walked over to where Ryuuji was sitting and stood over him. No one looked up, alerted to his presence. Thankfully Ryuuji was in an aisle seat. That would make this easy. In one swift motion he planted a hand over Ryuuji’s mouth and dragged him from his seat. Ryuuji’s eyes shot open, instantly alert and trying to fight Rin off, but Rin had the superior strength. With one strong arm wrapped around his chest, Ryuuji’s arms were pinned. Rin inelegantly dragged him down the aisle even as Ryuuji tried to kick out of his grip, his outraged protests muffled behind Rin’s hand. Rin dragged him to the back of the train, to the tiny cubicle of a bathroom, and threw him inside, locking the door behind them.

            “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Ryuuji hissed at him as soon as his mouth was free.

            “We need to talk,” Rin said, planting himself firmly between Ryuuji and the door so the other boy couldn’t escape.

            “Why?” Ryuuji asked, as if he honestly thought there was nothing sitting unresolved between them that needed attention. That fact hurt more than Rin would have expected, and he didn’t know what to say at first.

            “B-because… Shiemi said you like me.”

            Ryuuji scoffed. “When has that ever mattered to you?”

            Rin flinched. He wasn’t sure how he’d thought this would go, but this was definitely not it, and before he had time to respond Ryuuji tried to push past him. Rin blocked the way, grabbing Ryuuji and trying to grapple him in to submission, to get him to stop resisting, to just shut up and listen to everything he had to say. Why did he have to fight so much?

            “Let me go!”

            “No!” Rin reached for Ryuuji’s belt buckle.

            “Woah! What the fuck?!” Ryuuji’s eyes widened in shock as he desperately switched gears from trying to get past Rin to trying to stop Rin from unzipping his pants. “Stop!”

            “Say you’ll listen to me!” Rin sank to his knees, dragging Ryuuji’s pants and boxers down with him.

            “Rin, stop!” Ryuuji was pleading now, grabbing fistfuls of Rin’s hair as he tried to drag the other boy off him, but Rin used his strength to his advantage, ignoring the pain in his scalp and wrapping his arms around Ryuuji’s waist, drawing him in close like a steel vice. Ryuuji groaned as Rin’s mouth found him and had to resist the urge to thrust in that warm, wet, heaven.

            He’d only dumped Rin three days ago. It hadn’t been long enough for him to miss this, though his body certainly remembered it. Rin wasn’t moving, just holding Ryuuji close, but he was lazily working his tongue against Ryuuji’s cock and slowly coaxing an erection out of him. Ryuuji’s grip on Rin’s hair loosened and he slowly started to roll his hips, cursing himself in the back of his mind for giving in so easily.

            As soon as Rin felt that Ryuuji wasn’t going to run he loosened his grip, but it was just enough so that he could start moving against him. Quiet, urgent grunts filled the small bathroom stall, rising in desperation until Ryuuji was suddenly straining against Rin, his legs turning to jelly.

            Ryuuji sighed as he sagged back against the chrome toilet. He didn’t have the energy to struggle any further as a post orgasm lethargy settled over him. He looked down at Rin as the other boy clung desperately to him. “You only hurt yourself by doing stuff like this,” Ryuuji said quietly, glumly staring over Rin’s head.

            “I need you,” Rin said as he buried his head in Ryuuji’s lap.

            “No, you don’t.”

            “I do!”

            “No!” Ryuuji said, grabbing Rin’s chin and turning his head up so he could look him in the eyes. “You don’t. _Want,_ maybe, but you don’t need me.”

            “But…” Rin clenched his eyes shut and bit his lip as he wrenched his face out of Ryuuji’s grip. “Something is wrong with me,” he said quietly, “I’m broken. I can’t-”

            “Woah, woah, stop! You are _not_ broken,” Ryuuji said. Rin refused to look at him, and Ryuuji pulled the smaller boy up in to his lap, arranging Rin so he was sitting on the edge of his knees so they were face to face. Rin still refused to look at him, his eyes downcast; frustration and pain marring his face.

            “Rin, listen to me,” Ryuuji said as he cupped Rin’s cheek gently, trying to turn the other boy’s face up again, but Rin only buried his face in Ryuuji’s palm. “Rin, there’s nothing wrong with you.”

            “There is!” he said, his voice muffled against Ryuuji’s hand, “I-I can’t… I can’t get off without it anymore. I need-”

            “That ain’t broken,” Ryuuji said, somehow managing to keep his voice firm, but calm as he grabbed Rin by the shoulders and lightly shook him, trying to break Rin out of this sudden melancholy. Rin simply let it happen, hanging his head—his face hidden by long, unruly bangs. Ryuuji wasn’t used to seeing the other boy like this. He didn’t like it.

            “That’s… maybe you got a fetish or kink or something, I dunno, but that’s not…” he trailed off, struggling to find the right words. On impulse he pulled the smaller boy closer, holding him tightly against his chest. His resolve was crumbling. “You’re not broken, Rin!” he finally blurted, unsure of what else to say, “It’s not… There are other people like that, and it doesn’t matter anyway.” He hoped the fact that it wasn’t a unique situation would provide some comfort. He wasn’t sure what else to say to persuade him.

            Rin didn’t say anything, didn’t move or make a sound. Ryuuji sighed, pushing Rin back out to arms-length. Rin still didn’t look at him.

            “Look…” Ryuuji said slowly, “In either case, you don’t need _me_ , and that’s the problem. Shiemi could-”

            “No, she can’t!” Rin said suddenly, surprising Ryuuji with his sudden outburst.

            “Why? Did she turn you down too?”

            “No!” Rin looked up at him finally, scowling furiously, his masculine pride pricked. “She didn’t turn me down,” he said firmly, but then grew more hesitant, his face heated, “Not exactly … Anyways that’s not the point. I don’t… I don’t _want_ Shiemi. I _want_ you.”

            Ryuuji’s heart skipped a beat at that confession and he took a deep breath, trying to steel himself—trying to remember the pain when Rin turned down his romantic advances, the frustration when Rin made demands of him he didn’t know how to answer.

            “Okumura,” he began slowly, forcing himself to use Rin’s family name, deliberately trying to place a mental distance between them. Turning Rin down right now—when he was begging, when all Ryuuji wanted to do was take him back—was taking more willpower than even he thought he had. “This isn’t going to work,” he said, trying to ignore the way Rin’s face crumpled, “Neither of us can give the other what they want.”

            “You always gave me what I wanted, and…” Rin swallowed the lump in his throat, “I want to try. Give me another chance. I’ll give you what you want.”

            “I want a boyfriend,” Ryuuji said firmly, annoyance edging in to his voice, as if Rin didn’t understand, “Someone to love, who loves me back, who likes me for me and not just for how I make them feel. Someone I don’t have to hide or constantly play games with. You’ve never wanted that. It’s only about the sex for you, even now,” he said, gesturing to the small, cramped bathroom. He was trying to keep his voice calm and distant, to try to maintain control over the situation somehow.

            “That was just to make you listen to me, damn it!” Rin shouted before squeezing his eyes shut and wiping at them furiously with his sleeve. He then stilled, taking a deep, ragged breath. “Did you hate what we were doing that much?” he asked.

            Ryuuji’s shoulders sagged as he gazed quietly down at Rin, almost regretting the look of resignation on the other boy’s face.

            “No,” Ryuuji said, “I didn’t hate it. It was…” he trailed off, blushing furiously as he tried not to think about all the things they’d done together in moments of stolen time, “But, I just… I never knew when you’d push me away or pull me close, and it hurt.” His voice cracked as he spoke, and he coughed lightly, trying to hide it.

            “I’ll stop,” Rin said quietly, his voice pleading, “I won’t push you away anymore.”

            “That’s not the point. You don’t feel the same way about me.”

            “B-but that’s just it. I do!” Rin said grabbing Ryuuji by the shoulders. He locked eyes with him, as if he could simply will him to understand, but Ryuuji was staring back, scrutinizing him, as if he couldn’t understand what he’d said and Rin felt his face fill with heat.

            “At least… I think I do,” he said again. Ryuuji said nothing, and his silence felt damning so Rin pressed on before his courage could fail him. “I never really disliked any of that stuff, I was just… I dunno… afraid of what others might think? And then… the other night, when I thought you had died… I… I can’t even begin to describe how it made me feel,” Rin said as he knotting his fist in shirt, over his aching heart. “I thought… I thought I’d never see you again, and I didn’t know what to do.” Rin choked back a sob and Ryuuji was stunned to see tears streaming unfettered down the other boy’s cheek. The tears he’d been angrily holding back a moment before had been released, and Rin let them fall, not bothering to wipe them away as he clenched and unclenched his hands, as if trying to wordlessly take hold of the unnameable something that lay in the distance between them, preventing his words from bridging the gap.

            Ryuuji sighed, his own heart aching at the sight. “It’s okay,” he said softly, reassuringly, “…I’m okay.” He pulled Rin close, gently rubbing his back as he let the smaller boy bury his face against his shoulder.

            Ryuuji said nothing as Rin continued to cry, simply letting the other boy get it out of his system. Then, without a word, Rin sat up, violently sniffing back his tears and wiping his flushed face. He felt like an idiot; embarrassing himself by crying so openly. Crying over the potentially dead body of your friend was one thing, but that was yesterday. This was just… He didn’t even know what it was.

            “‘M sorry,” he said as pushed himself abruptly off Ryuuji’s lap, “Sorry… for this,” he turned away from him, facing the door of the tiny bathroom, his hands clenched at his sides, “For draggin’ you in here. For bein’ an ass. For callin’ you a fag. …For everything.” Rin stifled a sniffle and then spoke; his voice hard—trying to mask his embarrassment with annoyance. “I don’t know what else to say to make you believe me, so…” he trailed off as he reached for the latch on the door.

            Ryuuji stood and grabbed Rin’s wrist before he could open the door, pulling the other boy against him. Rin froze, his body going rigid as Ryuuji wrapped his arms around him.

            “You don’t have to say anything, I just… I just don’t want to be hurt anymore. So… just promise you won’t,” he said, letting his head fall against Rin’s shoulder.

            Rin’s eyes widened. He stood frozen, with Ryuuji’s arms circling his waist and his body filling with heat as Ryuuji’s words sunk in. With an explosion of energy he turned, abruptly spinning in Ryuuji’s arms and almost knocking the other boy off balance. Their faces inches apart, he stared in to Ryuuji’s eyes suppressing the smile that threatened to break out across his face.

            “I-I promise!” Rin said, burying his face against Ryuuji’s neck as he started crying again.

 

* * *

 

            A short while later the door to the bathroom creaked open and Rin peaked out, breathing a quiet sigh of relief when he found the hall outside empty. It was a miracle in and of itself that their argument hadn’t disturbed any of the other passengers. They quietly slunk back to their seats, only to find Shima awake and waiting for their return. Both boys flushed as Shima leered up at them.

            “You guys were gone for a while,” he said, but the teasing tone of his voice made it obvious he already had a fair idea of what they were doing.

            They both blushed, stammering to find an excuse to cover up their absence, but Rin stopped as he felt a sense of assured purpose come over him.

            “We’ve started dating,” he said suddenly, completely skipping any excuse or explanation.

            Both Shima and Ryuuji turned to stare at Rin. His mouth was pursed as he tried to keep a straight face, a heavy blush spreading over his cheeks as they stared at him. Ryuuji’s face was already flushed, his eyes wide, and Shima actually had the good graces to look embarrassed for his friend’s blunt confession.

            “Rin, you didn’t have to-”

            “You said no more secrets, right?” Rin said, and his lips curled in to a tentative smile as he looked up at Ryuuji. “Besides, he basically already knows, so what’s the issue?”

            Ryuuji looked at Shima questioningly and the other boy simply shrugged. Neither Shima nor Ryuuji had anything to say in response, and Ryuuji couldn’t shake the feeling that Rin was trying to claim his territory by making such a bold declaration, as if he was afraid of losing him right after getting him back. Oh well. He couldn’t really complain. It was what he wanted after all… He just would have liked to break the news a bit more delicately.

            “Anyways, I feel like I could sleep for a week,” Rin said, breaking the tension as he stretched his arms over his head, his joints popping, “Sorry for calling you out so suddenly.” He ducked his head as if he’d had his fill of unnecessary attention and started to head back to his seat beside Shiemi but was stopped as Ryuuji’s fingers fluttered at his wrist, hesitant, as if afraid to restrain him.

            “Aren’t you gonna sit with me?” Ryuuji asked. He didn’t want to say it— _Don’t sit with her—_ not when he thought they’d finally started to work things out. He didn’t want to give voice to the fact that he still felt so vulnerable. Even though he knew he had nothing to worry about from Shiemi. It had always been Rin who he was uncertain of, and yet after being so worried about what others would think of him, Rin had confessed their relationship so lightly to Shima, and it had been utterly anticlimactic. Ryuuji almost wanted to wake everyone else up so Rin could make a formal public declaration, as stupid as that sounded, until Rin turned and Ryuuji realized his fears were unfounded.

            “Oh,” Rin said, his eyebrows darting up as if he hadn’t even thought that he could sit with Ryuuji, before a bright smile broke out over his face. “Right!” And without further hesitation he grabbed Ryuuji’s hand, dragging him down in to a pair of empty seats, and didn’t let him go. Ryuuji gripped Rin’s hand tightly as the other boy got comfortable in his seat, moving the armrest out of the way so he could lean against Ryuuji’s side. All Ryuuji could do was stare, marveling at the way Rin seemed to adapt so quickly. Was this really okay? Could he let his guard down and simply be happy for what Rin was giving him?

            His thoughts wandered back over everything that had happened between them; over everything that Rin had said, his tearful confession about his sexual issues. No… It was far too early to think that everything was okay.

            Ryuuji gently nudged Rin, trying to get his attention and was only rewarded with a quiet, questioning grumble.

            “Rin, we still need to talk.”

            That got his attention. Rin cracked his eyes open, annoyance and apprehension clear in his voice. “About what?”

            “Stuff…” he answered awkwardly and quickly peered around their surroundings, “You know… private stuff. Later. When we’re alone,” he added quickly

            Rin flushed, apparently having got the message and nodded mutely against Ryuuji’s shoulder.

            Ryuuji exhaled sharply. That definitely could have gone worse. At least now he could breathe easy. Things weren’t perfect, but they were better. They had a lot to talk about still, but they had time. For the first time in a while he let himself relax and just enjoy the feeling of Rin’s hand in his and the weight of the other boy’s head on his shoulder. Gently, he laid his head against Rin’s—the other boy nuzzling in to the crook of his neck—and shut his eyes. This was good. Things were going to be okay. They just had to keep working.

 


End file.
